Happy Birthday Empress Sassy Pants!! 8.23.10

There is that PEACE Sign again!

Our little girl turned 6 on August 23rd...

When life hands you lemons............

I have to write a letter...  the point of which is to convince someone I am worthy.  This is not a letter I ever wanted to write.. yet, I have written just such a letter at least 3 times before. I  have written to convince people half way around the world that we are fine, capable people who will give a family and good home to children who had no such thing. So far it worked twice and we are waiting until the final confirmation of the third, to say, third time's a charm.   As I search to find the words to put into this letter.. I am trying very hard to determine what is it that makes a person worthy. Is it the rare but stand-out acts of compassion (which ironically may also be the three most selfish things I ever did) or is it the result of hundreds of small acts compounded daily.. the ordinary acts of a regular person... is it found in the acts that demonstrate we are principled and honorable - even if there is some scant evidence that begs to differ? Or, is it in finding oneself on a road less traveled and making the best of it with humor and finding that a less traveled road suited you perfectly.

I know a few things for certain..  but one of them is that I rarely feel "worthy" which probably accounts for the serious procrastination I have experienced in writing this letter.  Deadline looming.. thoughts scattered and other priorities crowding my brain, I have left till last this task.  Is there way to prove worth - or is this something you must prove over and over again.. but showing up, by sticking to it, by standing up or sitting down.. depending. Is it enough to merely try your best everyday in spite of the occasionally weary shoulders.. soldiering on when really a nap is strongly desired.

Is that it then? Continuing on when one wants very much to quit?  Asking for the strength to make it through one more day when one feels an almost unbearable urge to throw in the towel.   I have felt so overwhelmed of late..  for some obvious reasons (knowing a child waits for us is no easy task) and for some known only to our very closest friends and families.  Marriage is a challenge.. staying true through all the slings and arrows of daily onslaught, parenting is challenging.. particularly when sometimes, as the parent, you too want ice cream for dinner and a few days off!!  Friendships are really more like cement - and yet - they change and grow and sometimes you find yourself with friends you certainly don't feel worthy of, people so good and kind and yet so unexpected and wonderful that prayers of thanksgiving are almost not quite enough.


I never saw coming the road I am on..  I never knew that this place existed or that I would have to go there.. not alone, thank goodness, not alone.  Along the way - I discovered that in leaving the highway for this road less traveled, I fell in with a group of fellow travelers that daily demonstrate what worthy means - that true worth is measured in centimeters not miles.. small bit by bit.. one tiny act at a time.. and that one tiny act can mean a world to someone else. Among the common tag lines often used in the world I inhabit it "Adopting a child will not change the world, but for that child the world will change!" It is true, if a bit overused.  But what is doesn't talk about is how the act transforms the people who will become parents.. partners who become completely invested in the changing of the world for that one (or two or three or, dare I say, twelve!) child or children... where one realizes that whatever NEEDS doing MUST be done and by no one else.  So I write a letter to prove my worth for I need to be worthy for my children. Only that..  when my children have literally changed my world in every way possible.  It may be that I needed a new crisis to see things clearly to really try to sort through all the priorities until one or two things triumphed and all that remains are the very heart of my existence. My children, my partner in life.. our family and friends. I may not always feel worthy of the tasks I have been assigned.. I often fall far short of my own expectations.. and disappoint those I love.. there are lessons still for me to learn.  I humbly accept those lessons and try my best to become worthy of the precious gifts I have been given.. hoping that I can continue to provide the love and care they need, be a better mother, wife, sister, aunt, friend, colleague and become truly worthy of all I have been given.

Letter of Acceptance!!

We got LOA today... YEA!! Another step in the long long road to China!!  Next we file our I800 and wait for a few more steps.. Article 5 then finally Travel Approval... sadly, we are not likely to travel until December (no matter what) and NOW we are told we may not even be staying where we hoped to stay..

Can any area of my life be predictable, settled and smooth???

Summer Virus

EBB brought home a nasty little virus.. and so we have been in quarantine for a few days.. is there anything worse than a summer cold? We have hunkered down.. and  fought the good fight.. now EBB is getting better, EFP is a bit under the weather and Imperial Mommy is feeling like a dishrag. Luckily I have an appt with new MD tomorrow.. and am determined to turn over a new HEALTHY Leaf..

Until then.. here is a recipe I developed for the summer bonanza of Zucchini!


Bunch of Zucchini (I made 4 split lengthwise and had a little stuffing left over)
1 Large Vidalia Onion (rough chop)
12 oz of Portobello (I like baby bella) and or white mushrooms (rough chop)
3 Cloves garlic minced
1 Celery Heart minced
3 or 4 sausage (casing removed cooked and crumbled)
1/2 cup Parmesean Cheese
Italian Breadcrumbs (about 1/2 cup - may need more or less depending on how juicy the mix is.. use enough to bind stuffing together)
2 TBS Olive Oil (EVOO)
1 TBS Olive Oil mixed with Salt & Pepper
Salt
Pepper
Basil (fresh or dry)


Preheat oven to 350, place split Zucchini on sheet pan and brush with 1 TBS Olive Oil mixed with S&P Bake for 10 to 15 minutes or till soft.


Let cool - then use a spoon to remove the inside of the zucchini leaving enough of a shell so that zucchini hold its shape.  Rough chop all the zucchini and set aside.

Saute onions and celery till translucent, add mushrooms.. when the whole mix is combined and a little brown add garlic and then chopped zucchini saute for 2 minutes.  Remove from pan to bowl.

Crumble the cooked sausage into the mix along with Parmesan cheese, salt, pepper and basil and then breadcrumsbs..  adding breadcrumbs just until mix is soggy but not loose (should hold a shape on a spoon)

Generously salt and pepper the inside of the Zucchini Shells.. then place stuffing into shell being very generous.  You can sprinkle more Parmesan on top or put some shredded Mozzerella or Fontina on top..

Place back in oven for 20 minutes and, if desired, under broiler till cheese is melted or stuffing is brown on top.. serve and listen to the sweet sounds of cooking success!!

Delicious!! This recipe is a modified version of one my Mom used to make for Stuffed Mushrooms.. works well with Zucchini too. You can customize the recipe to your family's taste.. leave out sausage put in carrots or tomatoes...  use spinach and swiss cheese.. or even crab or shrimp for a Stuffed Zucchini Meal!! Happy Cooking!

Hooray for the USA!

Random pics...

Voila! Here she is!

FINALLY - we got our LID 06/25/10
and Three new Pictures... of course (poor neglected blog) we weren't permitted to post the first few till now so... without further ado I give you

Empress Sassy Pants

These two pictures above are the ones that started it all - I showed Imperial Daddy - and he said she looks just like EFP & EBB - maybe we need a #3!

HOT OFF THE PRESS & FRESH FROM PRC!

Couldn't you just squeeze those cheeks!?

797C (or the new 171H) is here!

Today we received our 797C or Notice of Favorable Determination of Suitability to Adopt a Child from A Country that is party to the Hague Treaty.. it is almost surreal! Of course I spent most of today sick as a dog.. with some sort of throat thing.. and almost even forgot to get the mail... but I had been forewarned by our nice USCIS Case Officer.. that it was on the way!! So we are now only a few steps short of our goal. 2 docs to one county - state cert and then Chinese Consulate. We could be DTC before the end of June.

Still trying to wrestle with how to have a garage sale.. how do people do that? Or do I just hire someone to come and look at my, pardon the expression, cr@p and pay them something to do it.... I would still probably come out ahead... and it would empty the basement and garage which NEEDS to happen. This has to be the year we sell and move. Anyway - I am not feeling well enough to do a full update right now.. we are all well and happy - anxious about traveling.. and worried about the state of the economy.. but we are prepared to welcome our new little one and I just can't wait to wrap my arms around her.

Our new timeline.....

Here is where we are now.. waiting on USCIS Fingerprint appointment and eventual 171H with "Favorable Determination to Adopt a Child from a Hague Country" Then we can submit our Dossier to China and wait... there will be a few more steps this time. After we receive our "Letter Seeking Confirmation" or "Letter of Approval" (LOA) we must file the I800 Application for a Visa (for our child to immigrate to the US as a relative) and then there are a few steps before we get "Travel Approval" (TA) and can then apply for "Consulate Appointment" (CA) and travel to China to adopt our third and final child. I am having second thoughts about leaving our children home. I just don't think I can do it. Sometimes I feel I can.. but EFP doesn't even entertain notions of us going without her to get her sister "Marshmallow" just assuring me that she will love going this time. My son is apprehensive - and I am not sure what his feelings will be, having finally decided he does NOT want to return to China. I worry that he will feel like we are taking him back.. and don't know whether I should leave him home or take him with us.. with constant reassurance. I think we must carefully select who will accompany us on the trip - so it is someone he trusts and loves - to know that we all will return home together. I still only have the vaguest of plans to finance the trip if we all go.. but it will be what it is.


TIMELINE TO CHINA:

Extension of time to file - new deadline 5/27/10

USCIS I800A - 3/29/10
Deadline to submit Dossier 2/27/10
HS Final Visit 1/24/10
FP appt for HS Mom - 12/18/09
FP appt for HS Dad - 12/15/09
HS Visit 12/13/09
Pre-approval 12/1/09
Letter of intent Finalized 11/7/09 (My birthday)
Letter of Intent - More info requested 11/4/09
Declare intention to adopt again & Lock File 11/2/09

Oldie but goodie from 2/20/2007

One BIG year ago (NOW FOUR YEARS!) today – the center of my universe changed. I went from being consumed by the adoption of a child to the MOTHER of THIS CHILD! It was and is the best day of my life save, perhaps, the day I married my DH. (NOW ALSO THE DAY MY SON LOVED ME BACK) In true Snoopy fashion here goes!

It was a dark and stormy day.. No, it really was. The weather was terrible in NanChang the provincial capital of JiangXi in the People’s Republic of China. But we braved the vertical rain and 30 degree weather to reach the Civil Affairs Office for our first site of EFP. Suddenly – there she was sitting in the lap of one of the Nannies. She looked exactly the same as her referral picture and so healthy – rosy cheeks (from the 10 layers of clothes she was wearing) and bright eyes. I recognized her immediately and started to cry – when I realized I should not cry I should take pictures. I did.

I can’t really describe the moment when they called our name and after checking our passports, handed our baby to us. OUR BABY! After all those months and months of agonizing doubt and self criticism. Feeling guilty for past mistakes or different choices and what did it matter in that moment – not a bit. EFP looked up at me, patted my face, smiled and then pushed her 19.5 lbs self onto me and snuggled right. I wanted to kiss and hug her…run away from the office and have her all to myself to tell her all the things I had saved up to tell my daughter.... but I settled for dangling the (magic!) plastic keys in front of her and she busied herself ripping my name tag to shreds. We were quickly all holding babies and cameras and juggling things mightily when it was time to get back on the bus again. I think we had returned to our hotel room and then went for lunch where I FINALLY got to feed a baby (MY BABY!) a meal of sorts. Back in our room I uncovered her many layers a little at a time to expose one limb at a time and checked her all out. Perfect right down to the large blue spot on her upper buttock! It was not long before we were hanging and laughing with our silly baby and it was clear that she was fine with us. We returned to the Civil Affairs office and completed the paperwork and just like that (HA!) we were parents to one beautiful healthy happy baby girl!

These last 12 months (4 YEARS!) have been incredible. How do you explain such an utter transformation? I can only say that all the months of being tired, anxious, afraid and sort of being dazed, I am happy to say not only do I still think that we got the best baby ever – I know we did! I know that we have never regretted for one second our decision to adopt from China and that February 20^th is my favorite day – because it is the day I was made into EFP’s Mommy. Every day I wake up thankful that this day came and today I am especially grateful that she is my daughter. We spent this last weekend with our travel group and I suspect that similar thoughts are racing through those parents’ heads as well. We are all convinced we were somehow given the best baby. (But I really was!) We are all who we are today because sometime ago we made the decision to take a leap of faith and put our hopes and dreams into the hands of some civil servants in a far away land. Thank you – whoever you all are. Thank you! We are so blessed by this little girl and her little China-Cousins. My heart is just overflowing with love for my family and for our friends all around us celebrating our families.

One year ago – my entire universe changed and now a nearly two-year old (Nearly 5 year old) baby girl rules my heart and my home. Thank God!

Xin Nian Kuai Le!

I really don't know where the time goes.... two kids, one full time job, MBA classes... etc. Life happens and the blog waits. Everyone is fine.. kids are great. We are well on our way to #3... we are waiting to review our homestudy... all our paperwork is in, we are waiting for our Letters of Good Conduct and then the fun begins! All that authentication and back and forths... well, it is what it is, right. I forget what a hassle the paperwork is while I am doing it... how aggravating.. worth it in the end.. but so annoying.

I sometimes wonder.. what it is about a particular child.. how does a particular smile grab you and before you know it you are helpless in the face of a child who, in spite of every nagging doubt, begs to be seen and then, there you are, on a plane to China. I am not allowed to post her pic here.. but I really think she is exactly the middle between EBB & EFP. That is - she looks like she could be sister to both.... (in looks at least) I know that this is it for us... not that I wouldn't do it a few more times.. but honestly, even this seems a little like chancing fate.. I mean I already have two great kids... we are in a groove, not perfectly mind you, but seems like life is somewhat manageable these days....

Not much happening on the house hunt front, that is I can easily find something to buy - not having so much luck in the selling this place front. I am going to have to use a realtor and hope for the best. Beyond the school front... our neighborhood just doesn't seem to be going in the right direction. Maybe it is the economy or my location - or the complete and utter paralysis that sets in when I even *think* about all that I have to do to really sell this place, but oh dear do we need to leave!!

We are heading into the home stretch adoption #3 wise. Our home study is nearly done.. we have assembled all the pieces (reordered certificates of birth, marriage, finance, medical, etc.) just waiting on Good Conduct - final final draft for review.. and we should be very close to going to USCIS. Whoopee! We have a range of choices for travel.. and I really can't say which way we will go.

Travel Options:
1. Mom travels with 2 Friends (favored option)
2. Mom travels with no friends (least favorite option)
3. Mom, Dad, EFP & EBB travel with 1 friend (sort of OK option)
4. Mom, EFP & EBB travel with 1 (or 2) friends (ok option)
5. Mom + 2 friends w/Dad for first few days to complete adoption (very ok option)

Since the whole trip is GuangDong (actually GuangZhou!) the whole time.. we can consider some options that we weren't able to last few times. Daddy is leaning toward the 5th option since he really wants to be there and this would enable us to have the full and final adoption then and there. We are fairly certain that the kids will be ok if they are together and with one or the other of our great friends, both of whom have offered to take the kids for a couple of days if it comes to that. Hopefully the timing will work out and any of those plans CAN happen. Otherwise - it is ME ME ME and my new baby girl. Frankly - the BEST reason to have DH along - is 1. his extraordinary SHERPA skills and 2. His willingness to get copious amounts of coffee as close to my mouth at whatever time in the AM it needs to be there!! One reason why I am REALLY thinking that the China Hotel (Starbucks in the LOBBY) may be the place to stay this time around!!


Otherwise - things here at Casa Imperial are normal. Two snow days in a row.. are driving me bonkers... but the kids are great. EBB is doing pretty well in school -he is getting it, making slow - but steady progress. It is true that there are no flash bulbs going off - we need patience, he is making up for all those years of deprivation, but it will take time.

EFP is, as usual, brilliant. She sings all the time - is really coming out of her shell a bit. Making nice friends and really going forward with leaps and bounds. I am nervous about her starting K - since our choice are restrictive parochial school or lackluster public K. Not great choices either of them - but that is what we have. Probably wasn't wise to add a child who would be the same age for 6 months and start K at the same time - since that does effect our choice. We have to put DD#2 in Public school since she will need some services: ESL, possibly speech - and who knows what else. I can't even go on with it.. just to much to think about.

Kittens are growing... and still insane. Spotty - very loving, weird attacking the floor at odd moments, pounces on feet, steals: socks, panties, hose, hair scrunchies. Stripey - carries a fleece mouse around in her mouth ALL the time, loving and cuddly, pounces on feet. Orianna is her usual dejected and pet demanding self.. and has gained back at least 5 of the 8 lbs she lost - probably because she has been eating the Kitten food instead of hers.

Work is still great. There are one or two people I could live without but they just add to the ambiance of the place to be honest! It is a very hectic job.. I never seem to have a dull moment or free moment or moment where I can think clearly! Luckily my two great friends are right down the hall and we have resurrected the "grab a bit for lunch" thing.. and that is working for now.

So that is my little update... I do have cool pics - but until I get this home network thing figured out and can get the pictures that are downstairs on the laptop upstairs to the desk top.. well, you know.

It's about time.. & some news!!

Autumn Moon 2009

Stripey & Spotty - Buffalos posing as Kittens!

Brother & Sister Love

They just do this when I bring out the camera...

Aaaawwww...

EFP & Pony LOVE!!

Just LOVE that smile!!!

What the heck is that thing?

What? A Flounder? It looks like a sea monster!!

OH! THIS is what a fish looks like before Mommy cooks it??? I get it!

Fishing Fun!

I can not believe it has been so long since I had a moment to update the blog!! Seems like I never have a minute these days.. kids are so busy.. new job.. starting not to feel so much like a new job.. is wonderful but HECTIC!


AND... tada...

we are paperchasing again.... ha ha bet you didn't see that coming did ya? We received PA last week for a 5 year old girl residing in LongGang, ShenZhen, GuangDong... she has a repaired cleft lip/palate... and she has a beautiful smile!! Can't post pics yet (darn! cuz she is a cutie pie!) just exactly who we need! Her birthday is listed as 8.23.04 - so she fits right in between EFP & EBB!! Can not believe we have hopped on the roller coaster again.. but you know.. somehow this felt right.. it is a long story.. how we got to this place.. with highs and lows.. happiness and sadness... but then that IS adopting from China isn't it? Can't imagine travel before the summer and I can't really travel until well after July - so perhaps August (UGH GuangZhou in August????) or September.. and two or three of my favorite people in the world are (hopefully) going to travel with me while DH stays home with the Empress & Emperor.. while I travel for Empress Sassy Pants...

Spent most of the fall dealing with Imperial Daddy's unfortunate BOWLING injury... completely dislocated 2 fingers... requiring emergency surgery, 3 or 4 titanium pins and a hand surgeon specialist to preserve his ability to use his fingers... of course it was his left hand and yes, he is left-handed. To be fair we don't bowl.. and he had no idea that the finger holes came in different sizes.. so when he went to throw the ball and his hand stayed IN the ball when it traveled down the lane.. well, you can't even imagine the difficulty!! Then to top it off.. and as we have come to expect.. he bowled for another hour, and refused to go to the ER for a couple of days.. till he really had no other choice... and then we found out how serious an injury it was. Now, you would think that having him home for 2.5 months would have freed up some of my time.. no way. Well, enough about that! Finally he is back at work and mostly able to use the hand but he still has PT a few times a week.

The Empress is doing really well in her new center.. it was nerve wracking to move her but honestly she really needed a change and so new experiences.. though she still misses her two little friends especially. She is really a smartie and I can see that a regular school is just not going to cut it for her... haven't figured out what we will do about that but I am again touring the private schools in the area.... gotta sell the house. PERIOD. She is adding & subtracting, reading and knows all the sight words.... if she were a little more emotionally/socially mature I could easily skip the Kindergarten and go right to first grade.. but I don't think she is ready for the other kids quite yet. At least in her pre-K she is with great kids and she does seem to be blossoming and changing a bit.. she still has a hard time expressing her feelings to others... and I have seen her crumple at the suggestion that something she is doing/wearing/believing isn't what others do.. but she is actually starting to be ok with that too.. that is accepting that others are not always going to agree or like what she likes - it is not ok for others to disparage her for her likes and she absolutely can stick up for herself if she needs to. Love my little girl.. she is the absolutely best thing that ever happened to me.

The Emperor, is doing very well also. He is really a great kid.... finally showed some growth.. 3 inches in a few months then added one more recently.. so he is topped off at about 44" and weighs about 50 lbs!! Solid little guy - my boy!! His sense of humor is exactly what you would expect of any yo boy.. and let me tell you he is always in a humorous mood.. always. His teacher confirms he stays happy all day and even tries (and usually succeeds according to her!) to make her laugh.. all his teachers are impressed with his progress, how hard he works and how sweet and funny he is. I will say that I can't imagine our life without this little guy!

As for me.. well, making progress on getting the place organized to sell. We put a for sale by owner sign out.. and then someone took it. Oh well. We'll try again. I have a little more to do before I can get a Realtor in... but I hope we will be able to sell and find a new place we like as much, but in a better school district. Otherwise.. we are all good. Orianna is hanging in there - she has been a real sport about the interlopers. Kittens are adorable and very cuddly and LOUD.. one is a thief.. socks, pantyhose, hair scrunchies etc. the other is just funny... EFP is still so happy with her orange stripey kitty.. though it hasn't stopped her from wanting every FAKE animal in the universe for the holidays. I don't know I will do with all the fake pets.. ..tune in soon and see!!!