One Year Ago Today.... (Part III of a Multipart Series)

First site of EFP with Nanny

EFP is our baby!

February 20, 2007 - One year to the day!
Happy Forever Family Day my Little Love!!

One BIG year ago today – the center of my universe changed. I went from being consumed by the adoption of a child to the MOTHER of THIS CHILD! It was and is the best day of my life save, perhaps, the day I married my DH. In true Snoopy fashion here goes!

It was a dark and stormy day.. No, it really was. The weather was terrible in NanChang the provincial capital of JiangXi in the People’s Republic of China. But we braved the vertical rain and 30 degree weather to reach the Civil Affairs Office for our first site of EFP. Suddenly – there she was sitting in the lap of one of the Nannies. She looked exactly the same as her referral picture and so healthy – rosy cheeks (from the 10 layers of clothes she was wearing) and bright eyes. I recognized her immediately and started to cry – when I realized I should not cry I should take pictures. I did.

I can’t really describe the moment when they called our name and after checking our passports, handed our baby to us. OUR BABY! After all those months and months of agonizing doubt and self criticism. Feeling guilty for past mistakes or different choices and what did it matter in that moment – not a bit. EFP looked up at me, patted my face, smiled and then pushed her 19.5 lbs self onto me and snuggled right. I wanted to kiss and hug her…run away from the office and have her all to myself to tell her all the things I had saved up to tell my daughter.... but I settled for dangling the (magic!) plastic keys in front of her and she busied herself ripping my name tag to shreds. We were quickly all holding babies and cameras and juggling things mightily when it was time to get back on the bus again. I think we had returned to our hotel room and then went for lunch where I FINALLY got to feed a baby (MY BABY!) a meal of sorts. Back in our room I uncovered her many layers a little at a time to expose one limb at a time and checked her all out. Perfect right down to the large blue spot on her upper buttock! It was not long before we were hanging and laughing with our silly baby and it was clear that she was fine with us. We returned to the Civil Affairs office and completed the paperwork and just like that (HA!) we were parents to one beautiful healthy happy baby girl!

These last 12 months have been incredible. How do you explain such an utter transformation? I can only say that all the months of being tired, anxious, afraid and sort of being dazed, I am happy to say not only do I still think that we got the best baby ever – I know we did! I know that we have never regretted for one second our decision to adopt from China and that February 20th is my favorite day – because it is the day I was made into EFP’s Mommy. Every day I wake up thankful that this day came and today I am especially grateful that she is my daughter. We spent this last weekend with our travel group and I suspect that similar thoughts are racing through those parents’ heads as well. We are all convinced we were somehow given the best baby. (But I really was!) We are all who we are today because sometime ago we made the decision to take a leap of faith and put our hopes and dreams into the hands of some civil servants in a far away land. Thank you – whoever you all are. Thank you! We are so blessed by this little girl and her little China-Cousins. My heart is just overflowing with love for my family and for our friends all around us celebrating our families.

One year ago – my entire universe changed and now a nearly two-year old baby girl rules my heart and my home. Thank God!

My Daughter is making me sick.......

...............well - the germy kind of sick anyway! I have yet another serious sinus infection that has turned to bronchitis. It seems (does it sound better if I tell you this is what the MD said?) that whatever my daughter brings home from her glorious (creamy clouds) daycare goes right to me and my compromised immune system and settles in my beleagured lungs and tries to kill me - slowly and painfully.

Seriously - I am at my wits end with this. I can not live on antibiotics - and I can't keep taking days off work being sick - since I need those sick days for when she is sick.. if that makes any sense at all. Probably not. There doesn't seem to be anything I can do - except find a way to make my own immune system stronger... hmm vitamins and working out perhaps. We'll see.

So the cat is out of the bag!! DH's Mom turned 70 (today) but the surprise party was last Saturday and by all accounts she was surprised all right. It was a great evening - as evidenced by my fancy face darling! She is eating her favorite party food.... cheese and crackers (PLEEEEZ) and having a grand time. I, on the other hand was sick as the proverbial dog and stayed as much out of the way until I could safely leave. I did cook up a storm - but thanks to Auntie Ren - I was not on my own doing it. Everything is so much more fun with a friend to share it with. So we braved on through the weekend and ten tons of ziti and sausage and peppers (and if I don't say so myself, I whale on these things.. Momma taught me good cookin!) was apparently enjoyed by all. It was a very nice party and everyone had a very nice time.

Now we are just waiting for our fingerprint appointment on Friday. Before the week is out I have to pedex everything to our consultant to check and then all the paperwork will be certified, authenticated and certified at the consulate. We will only be waiting for that last document the 171H from USCIS in order to be on our way. I hear it might take 4 weeks to get that last document. It is frustrating but we are calm anyway. I am also anxiously waiting for a new waiting child list our agency is eagerly anticipating. If we look (we have prelim application on file and will get to view and petition first) and see our child - well we will be that much closer to being a family of 4. We are also waiting for our FP for our domestic situation. So this is where we are! Not too shabby actually!

Because THEY said so that's why!

We are just swamped at the moment. Our road to DD/DS #2 is not going as smoothly as we'd hoped. Everything is, as usual, done. We are waiting for the United States Citizenship and Immigration Services (also called USCIS) to process our I600A Application for Advance Processing of an Orphan Petition (no seriously that is what the form is called!) and we have hit a real bump. The USCIS has apparently received a flood (avalanche, landslide, large pile) of requests for Advance Processing of Orphan Petitions for GUESS WHICH COUNTRY!!!?? Give up... rhymes with SCHMINA! Oh, AND rhymes with SCHWATAMALA! See a pattern here!?

I can't really speak to the Guatemala problem - except that it seems likely that the Hague Treaty will finally be ratified here in the USA and then unless Guat. complies that Americans will be barred from adopting from there for the foreseeable future. Hence, the rush to get papers in before the ratification closes this extremely popular program.

It is not really different for China - it's those of us who were waiting in the lobby - trying to make up our minds, or wait till our children were a little tiny bit older, or wait till we had unpacked from our last trip, saved more money to pay for a second,.... and on and on, and suddenly the door to seems to be closing in our faces before we even had time to make the decision. I am not, by any means, the only one (well that was obvious wasn't it) the room is apparently quite crowded. And the door is about to not just close but, slam shut.

We filed our form (with 1/2 inch of paperwork in supporting documentation) and so did many many others and now we are waiting - and the US Gov. is estimating that our processing time will be 11 weeks and we will miss the cut off. If this is true I have no idea what the likelihood of our being accepted by China after May 1, 2007 could be. I am not really upset - not yet anyway - I guess there is still an optimist somewhere in me that says this will happen. That we will not be shut out completely. Now that we have started - not to mention invested time and money - I want another child. I don't mind waiting - but I would like to know that there will be another so I can focus on the one we have.

On the domestic front - the bullet we dodged in having our China HS dated 1/9/07 and on its way to USCIS on 1/10/07 means we did not have to worry about getting FBI fingerprints BEFORE our HS is certified and complete. The law in NY changed effective 1/11/07 and there are a ton of International parents caught between a rock and a (really FBI) hard place. It can take the FBI 12 weeks to process these requests. No HS - No USCIS, it's all really tough. Well - the bullet is still ricocheting around and bit us in our Domestic butt. Our foster care license can't be processed until we (Did you see this one coming?) get our fingerprints done by FBI!! So I wrote to our caseworker to find out if they would accept our 171H as proof of our FBI check having been completed and approved. We are waiting to see what she says.

Dumplings, Three tagged me so here goes: Six weird things about me

1. I don't like (I mean really don't like) when food boxes aren't opened properly. I like the boxes to be neat and not all torn (which can also make things inside the box stale).

2. When I misplace something I can not do anything else until I have found it - including sleep or eat. I should just misplace everything.......

3. I buy three different toothpastes every time. One is for the Empress, but the other two are for me and DH. I can not share toothpaste with my DH. HE is a squisher, cap leaver-offer, dry-crusty-paste-leaving-in-the sink sort and I am decidedly not. He is also a minty-fresh and I am a cinnamon or vanilla mint (but only if I can not find cinnamon).

4. I have a pile of books near my bed and I am usually reading all of them at the same time. Same for mags, and a few periodicals.

5. I can not sleep or actually do anything without lip balm nearby. I seem to have perennially chapped lips and must have balm or lipstick on and available to reapply all the time. I have been known to get out of bed and go downstairs to restock. I also can not retire for the evening without a bottle of a particular brand of spring water (Schmoland Schpring). There is actually a really funny story about this that has to do with almost costing me my graduate degree! Someday I will write it up.

6. I do not like to drive my car without my little seat belt adjuster. I am short (5') and the seat belt chokes me if I do not use one. My old one broke and so far the replacements have fallen short of my expectations... I use them because I must - but it is cramping my Super Mom Mini Van-ness to have to use the substitutes until I find the right ones.

If you are reading this AND you blog.. consider yourself tagged!! BTW Dumpling's Mom - I totally would have put your second item: Sleep all day and stay up all night - but I do not consider that weird!! LOL

When it absolutely, positively, has to be there in the morning!!

DON'T depend on PEDEX!!! I am flipping mad at the moment because our precious I600A application is lying on the floor of some smelly delivery van (IF its not lost completely!!) and we are supposed to hope it gets there expedited tomorrow AM. I suppose I am unreasonable at being so mad about this because frankly this is the first snag and it may prove to be a small one - if everything gets where it needs to go tomorrow. Meanwhile someone is checking into the possibility of our being expedited through the fingerprint process and now I am going to look a little silly if they make the call before my paperwork is even there! UGH!

In the meantime - the last other docs we need came today (Good Conduct) and we are hoping to see our notarized HS shortly. So the setback by our overnight fiasco is hopefully going to resolve tomorrow. I am so anxious to get our paperwork out the door at this point.

Meanwhile - EFP is still pretty sick and DH sounds pretty goopy as well. So the two of them have been housebound. I am going nuts because nothing is getting done around here. I mean I am shopping, cooking, medicating, checking and arranging but the plastic stuff is all over the place. Her speech has improved tremendously of late. She is positively chatty!! And I can understand her much of the time these days - though she is still doing that fabulous baby babbling thing where she carries on her side of a fairly intense conversation but not one word is (currently) unintelligible to her Mommy and Daddy. We just nod a lot and say "Oh, really!? That is interesting."

I can't post more because I have to go set up the crockpot for the fabulous chicken and potatoes I am making tomorrow. Wish us luck with the Chicken and the overnight people.

Oh, the weather outside is.... What? 70°

Yes, it has been unseasonably warm around here lately. When I think of what the weather was like this time last year, how we lived in fear of the big blizzard that would delay our flight to China.. yikes! Now, it is so warm that germs that should be annihilated are hanging around with unfettered access to our poor defenseless immune systems. Isn't this a lot nicer than saying that both EFP and I are sick again!!?? I knew I was sick again and yesterday I suspected that she was also and today it was confirmed. I am almost positive she has a sinus and ear infection. We had a rather enjoyable day yesterday at Auntie Ren's and EFP was in her glory... how not? She was the center of attention and decided to go and get herself an Italian Noni! Auntie Ren's obliging (oh and indulging) Mom has become the person of the week! EFP just adores her. Come to think of it - whats not to adore! My favorite friend and her Mom who is a dynamite cook and baker!! Yum - we got to go home with Banana Bread AND Pesto! Well EFP seemed OK yesterday except for a little cough at nap time - but by 2 am I could tell there was a brewing problem and sure enough - the fever, the pukes, the whining.. and the late afternoon nap all clear indications we are in sick baby mode again. DH has already been nominated to stay home and take her to the MD where we will once again be given useless meds and a few anxious days.

I give up. We are progressing on other fronts. Seems our Homestudy is complete. I am waiting for the final final version and then it needs to be notarized and then I can send it off to USCIS to get our fingerprint appointment. We are looking pretty good timeline wise - but unlike last time, this time there can be no ramped up countdown to referral. Things are so volatile in this arena. This time, however, I am fully prepared to wait and frankly, the longer the better. This is not a popular sentiment and I completely understand there will be lots of people who can not see it this way - just as I could not when we were on the agonizingly long wait for EFP. It will be best for us if there are at least 2 years to wait. I can live with that - live with the knowledge that we will most surely be granted a second child and our family will not have to go bankrupt to pay for 2 in full time daycare. I also have still some hope that our bid to become foster parents may bring us a child also. For obvious reasons the less said about that the better - but it is something we have been preparing for. It has always been my intention to foster children and knowing that only some would be available to be adopted we would still like to help out. Somehow this will all be fine in the end. I have been feeling totally different about the whole process this time - a little more relaxed and yet still anxious a bit. It seems the HS has gotten a little more rigid this time around and there are a few more steps to take. Again we have been fortunate that our agency is willing to work with us and allowed the work that we had already done for our Foster Care License to be acceptable. Honestly - I enjoyed the classes but if I had had to sit through one more repeat I think my head would have burst open.

Now is the hardest part -allowing all this hard work to be placed in someone else's hands and having almost no control over it. We wait for other entities (mostly governmental) to do their part and in the words of the late great Tennessee Williams "We depend on the kindness of strangers!" I know we were incredibly lucky last time that our papers turned around so quickly. I hope so again just for peace of mind sake. I am revising our letter to USCIS to make sure they understand that we really need to be granted a quick fingerprint appointment and I am not above sending a picture of the child they helped us bring home last time! That should do it - if my usual eloquence fails to.

This adorable blanket was purchased from two dear friends who have decided to leap into the fray of the business world with just the cutest things ever! Aside from that the quality of the items as well as the cute factor make this one of our favorite shops! As they say - shop early and shop often! Here is the site A family's Heart

Santa Claus is coming to town......

You better not cry... you better not pout - so far so good!!

Okay. Maybe Pouting is acceptable..........
(is this not the saddest face in the universe?)

Full out hysteria is also an appropriate reaction!

Today we had the obligatory Santa visits the daycare. So our daycare Creamy Clouds was visited by the big man himself with two actual elfs! The event was just as loud and hot as you can imagine and my own bébe was just as hysterical as the next. The toddlers were just not that into Santa. Not really a surprise - since the last time we attempted Santa - it was a full-blown NO-GO. Oh Well - its a good thing Santa comes late at night while we are all sleeping and therefor no hysterics are needed!

[Total non-sequitur: I can NOT stand music on random sites... it is usually lame and too loud. I all sites with music had an off button right near the top of the page! I did visit one page lately where the music was not only non-annoying but gave us an idea of a song to use on our video from China - Clay A's Love of my Life! It bring tears to my eyes every time I hear it because the love of my life is without a doubt sleeping a few feet way - and so is the other one.)

We still have a ton of things left to do to prepare for the holler-days. I mean Holidays. I have all this cooking to do and a few more gifties to get... I hate when I have a party and I don't have a gift for each person. The kids are done - but I need a few more things for the grown-ups. Also need to finalize the menu. DH asked what we were going to do to celebrate the Year of the Boar in February. OMG! Is he kidding me or what? Then I thought about it for a while and maybe we will do a LITTLE something - since it is so close to our Family Anniversary (the day we met/received/adopted our little bundle). I am going to figure things out but I know I will make a ton of dumplings to mark the occasion! Not even done with this party and the next one is staring me in the face - not to mention the large party we will have in March!

Our paperchase is going well. Papers of all kinds are flying all over the country. I love my agency - they are so nice!! A couple that we traveled with has also decided to join us in the pool and I believe we will both get DTC together again! Won't that beat everything! Two kids from the same exact part of the world... we are so lucky!

We've done it now!

Uh Oh! What did we do? Well..... you are hearing it here first: We have started the paperchase for our second child! Officially! Woo Hoo! I guess.

This is not how I was hoping this would go actually - but those of you playing the home game, China released a set of new restrictions for adopting parents and they are quite different than those operating when we went for EFP. So first I cried, then I crunched, cried some more, crunched some more, decided I never really wanted to retire, cried and then I got in the Behemoth and went home. When I informed my poor unsuspecting DH of the changes... to his credit he didn't even blink, he just said "Well, I guess we better get cracking then huh?" Is it any wonder I love this guy?

Of course - our decision is NOT as sudden or panic induced as this sounds - we had been thinking about it, considering waiting children and well, there is the whole foster care certification so we have been talking about it for a bit. I had hoped to have a bit more time as I would like EFP to be a little older and an only for a bit longer before a second permanent child arrived. The new rules mean there will probably be a bunch of panicking paperchasers climbing out of the woodwork at this time. We plan to get our paperwork finished pretty quickly and since I still have some docs left over from last time I am feeling pretty good about this part. Our home study should go well and also pretty fast. I feel good about even the wait this time - since really we need it to be long in order to have our heads examined at length. No, seriously we need to save some money for the process and come to some other decisions about stuff - but we already know in our hearts that there is another child waiting for us in China. I think I have surpassed happy right into the delirious zone! But to be fair it will be a long wait and we still have a mountain of paperwork to get through. The best part of this whole thing - as I discovered tonight, but really already knew, is that I get to journey with friends. Every step of this road I will be accompanied by real friends - who are already sharing in our happiness and joy. Once again we join the ranks of the families in waiting and we are in great company!

It will be a few months before our paperwork is in and then we have an 18 to 24 months wait for our referral. I think that would have killed me the first time - but then when we started last time we expected a very short wait... not so much this time. I will be grateful for the time. I may even learn another thing or two about patience!

I wish I could say EFP was on board - she will be I am sure, but for now I can't even so much as LOOK at another baby or toddler without her protesting. Even her best little buddy J is not allowed to get hugs in front of EFP.

So here is my favorite little (well-circulated) anecdote about not exactly meaning to start another adoption!

Have you ever noticed that you hear all the time about "accidental" pregnancies, but never about couples who experience "accidental" adoptions?
Can you imagine:

Honey, sit down. I have some news for you.

What is it?

Well, I don't know how to say this, so I'll just come out with it. I went out to the mailbox today and ... well, we got an I-171H.

A what?!? An I-171H? As in, we're going to have a(nother) baby?!?

It looks that way.

But how? We've been so careful! I put away all the blank I-600A forms. Didn't you hide our home study update?

Of course I did. But don't forget, there was that one night...

What night? (pauses) Ohhh, that night. But it was only once. We were just messing around. I didn't print clearly. I didn't even use ink! (pauses again) But it was kind of fun.
(giggles)

It was, wasn't it? I'll never forget how cute you looked getting your fingerprints.

So now we've got our I-171H, eh? But that doesn't always mean you'll adopt, does it? I mean, shouldn't you see the agency or something, make sure every thing's okay?

I already did.

And?

I'm five documents along.

Five documents! And they're all notarized, certified and authenticated okay?

Just great. There was one small scare when the agency couldn't see the Notary's middle initial, but it showed up just fine under the magnifying glass.

Thank God. And you, honey? Are you feeling okay?

I'm feeling fine. As long as I know you're happy about this.

Happy? I'm thrilled! It's always a shock at first when something like this happens, but of course I'm happy.

Wish us luck and come along for the SECOND Adventure of a Lifetime!

One Year Ago Today.... (Part 1 of a Multipart Series)

Maybe the Hokey Pokey IS what it's all about!!

..............I was beside myself with grief as yet another birthday (yet another milestone) had passed with no baby, no news of our baby and no idea when/if there would ever be a baby. I was anxious, scared, embarrassed, grieving and trying desperately to hold onto whatever hope I could find. I would fall apart at the slightest provocation and dissolve into tears if someone as much as looked like they MIGHT ask when we were expecting our referral. The entire landscape of adoption from China changed while we were in process.... all of a sudden mere days worth, rather than the month's worth, of referrals would be sent causing the wait to lengthen inexplicably and for the uncertainty to reach a fever pitch. We were in the thick of it for sure! I have already written at length of how much my different circles of friends helped me get through the wait - so I won't go there again but honestly I am still grateful for all the support I received during the crazy wait.

I had no faith then - last year. No faith that either of the two jurisdictions would actually provide what they promised. I was still so convinced that I was undeserving of that which I most desperately wanted. In spite of the mountain of evidence that a range of people had examined every single aspect of my life as well as DH's and promised us that we would be parents. I still harbored the result of years of bitter disappointment, unfulfilled promises and working towards things that would never be forthcoming. I am still under the impression that I will usually not get what I want.. but every so often the universe throws me a curve ball. Just to see if I am paying attention or something. Oh what a curve ball!

Most of the parents we waited with have put all this behind them and many are embarking on new journeys toward other children. I have put it behind in the sense that I don't dwell on it any longer but I don't think I have made peace with it yet. I do know I don't feel the same angst, obviously I don't have a heck of a lot of time for that these days anyway! I have yet to write the LONG letter I owe the agency for their part in this. I have since come to learn to that there must be a written policy some where that says if a client starts to complain or gets to questioning the service aspect they respond with condescension and imply that the complainer is in fact high strung, inflexible, unable to handle the trip and they throw in, for good measure, the mention of a sick or absent child. Just to prey on a new parent's worst fear. We get all the way to China and something is wrong with the child... can you imagine anyone writing that policy? As if waiting and everything else is a walk in the park and when they are less than forthcoming in information etc. and you react as most people would - they try to make you seem crazy for advocating for yourself! Yea, that letter is most over due.. do know we will not be using that agency again!

We do think we want another child... I am not interested in the uncertainty of waiting for another baby though. I think we will take a chance and try a child. One year ago I wasn't sure we would have one child and now very often I can see 2 or 3 before we hang up this particular towel! LOL. So much has happened in the intervening year that I hardly know how to catalog all the events. I do know I have made so much peace with those things that have plagued me and held back my vision of who I could be. I have been writing quite a bit and I believe I may work up the courage to submit a few things here and there. I also have some small plan for my career that may mean things happening in a good way for a change. Not sure exactly what will happen - but we'll see. We still have a few classes to complete to get certified as foster parents - its been a real exercise in catharsis for me. I don't dwell on the fact that I was a foster child once upon a time - but I was and it gives me a perspective that most of the people in our class do not have. I don't talk about it all that much in class - so far only once. I don't purport to have all the answers but I know what would not have worked well enough. I also know that the shame of appearing on some one's doorstep is not something erased over night or, honestly, ever. It has been good though for me to be there and in some measure for my DH (child of privilege though he be) to hear what foster care really is and, perhaps even more important, what it is not. Our foster child(ren) - when he/she/they get here - will have some comfort in knowing that I understand all too well how it feels and that I am more than willing to do whatever it will take to advocate for him/her. They may be too young to know what that all means, but I think they will feel it and I will do my best to be some comfort.

In the meantime - and just to add to the craziness - we are seriously considering a waiting child. I have made some inquiries about her medical situation and I am waiting for more information before we complete the petition but I can't get her little face out of my heart and although I have some concerns about my ability to deal with her medicals.. there is something about her that is so sweet it just tugs at me. Of course I have also decided that there is practically NO child I can not love. I just love children and there is no end to it. I don't think I ever saw myself as one of those earth mother types who has a house full of children etc. but sometimes I feel like whatever we can do either domestically or internationally for children is still not quite enough. 1 child or 10 I would try to be a good mom deserving of the children.

All my happiness

This is what all the fuss is about! This little face and thousands more like it. Maybe the face is a little browner or a little whiter, maybe the hair is curlier or blonder or maybe older and maybe it comes with a few matching faces - maybe the child is a boy. Adoption has been in the news alot lately thanks to "The MAterial One. " I don't think that the root of what she and her DH did are actually evil - I guess I just feel that there are questions that need to be answered in terms of flouting a number of regulations and laws. Is it always OK to use money or position to get one's heart's desire? What if it comes at the expense of another human? Do I get how ironic that is - given that my own heart's desire came at the expense of a birth mother cruelly forced to abandon her child - MY CHILD. EFP is ONLY my child because she was unable to be someone else's child. Would I wish the other alternative on my precious child - that of a lifetime of institutionalization and little if any real love? No, I do not and will not concede that she (or any child) would be better off living that way. The particular child in question (not mine, the Material One) would most certainly have faced a life of abject poverty and some amount of institutionalized care with (maybe) periodic visits from his bio relatives. Is the child better off... maybe. I would not want to be the one who has to explain all this to him in some years when he is old enough to read. When the child is old enough to understand part of his story and not the subtlety of what happened - when he finds out all the particulars of his birth, abandonment and eventual adoption. I can even imagine the day where some kids in a schoolyard torment him with the idea of his being taken from his birth country and transplanted to wherever it is he lands finally. Reading about his poor illiterate father and impoverished birth circumstances.

I think about that all the time about my own family. I mean I know all the ugly circumstances there are to know about how I was born, what this is to know of my family's uglier moments and I accept them - I worry about what EFP will say when she realizes all there is to realize about her life, how a birth mother left her at the gate of the children's welfare institute. That it was her gender and nothing more that made the decision for her parent(s) to part with this beautiful, smart, healthy absolutely amazing baby. What will she think of the circumstances of our adopting her? Will she see it as robbing her of her birthright - the land and culture with 10,000 years of history stacked against her. Where less than 100 years ago feet were still bound to make virtual prisoners of her fore mothers. Will she think of her adoption as I think of it - that I wanted to be a mother and she had none - so I brought her home to love and care for? That I really do think that being in a family is better... and that I thank whatever powers there are in the universe for bringing me THIS child? How could I not?

I don't know what the eventual outcome of all this will be. There are many voices against international adoption - many that say countries should work harder to identify and support families within countries to adopt those children that can not be cared for by birth families and that only rarely and under exceptional circumstances should children be adopted out of the county and culture. Frankly - I see an end to the racism and hegemony that permeates this planet with international adoption that is probably the best reason to continue the programs - indeed to enforce the Hague Convention and send all kids who can not be cared for by birth families into other countries... how can you possibly hate the people who made your child? When you know that it is possible that the family of your child is still there... don't you think that there would have to be some measure of peace if some part of the world's children were being loved and raised in other parts of the world - or is that the Utopian in me showing?

See the hard part is looking into that face - thinking that someday she may regret MY choice when no matter what I will never regret mine. It's tough - people tell me how lucky SHE is to have us - and I say no, WE, her parents, are the lucky ones. The world is lucky to have this amazing child growing up in it.

Well you just never know do you?

Here are some very amazing young women! One of them is mine and the other two - well I only wish they were! I adore their Mom and ALL their sisters as well! We had such fun at the FCC-LI Autumn Moon last Saturday!

Here is my climbing girl! She has taken to climbing anything and everything - here she is climbing in and out of her red wagon for the gagillionth time! Notice her March Moonbeam Bib! Once a Moonbeam - Always a Moonbeam!

Sometimes in your life there are moments that just take your breath away. I get that a lot these days. My daughter is so amazing - every day she does something that makes me stop and catch my breath. She is adding words to her vocabulary by the bushel and she is increasingly more agile all the time. She will literally climb on anything and everything anytime. We had an amazing time at the picnic - I think (OK I KNOW) this was the best one yet! It certainly was for us - no more longing looks at other people's babies.. or that nagging feeling like we would never be chasing a little one around.. HA! Boy did we chase a little one! EFP did not want to sit still for a second - unless it was in her wagon while IT was moving! We got to see some of our very favorite people - and we missed some others...

We really had a fabulous time and the weather was perfect - though the park was even dustier and dirtier than last year and from our own experience and what we have heard all the kids were covered in muck and were bathed instantaneously upon arrival home! My own baby was so tired she bathed and wanted to go night-night almost immediately. She had so much fun!

We have been very busy and it is going very well. Unfortunately I can not really discuss it here - I will tell all when I can - but for now - it is a rather intense time and I have been hard pressed to get all the details together. For now we are just asking everyone to keep us in their thoughts and hope that all turns out as it should for all involved. (I only bring this up because if my blogging is lacking in its usual verbosity you will know I am not losing interest - I am just tied up doing important other work for the time being)

We are headed up to Vermont for a few days of leaf peeping and harvest festival attending. We are hoping to take a much needed break for a few days. We will enjoy the company of DH's folks and the fall scenery.

On another happy note - I decided to write a little something about how we decided to adopt from China for the new Love Without Boundaries Book Love's Journey 2 - and guess what? They liked it! They really liked it! So a part of our story will be in this book! With pictures of Miss EFP! Our story will be in a section called Honoring the Heirlooms and it will tell about the connection I felt with my Mom and our baby all during the time we were deciding and waiting for our baby. I am proud to have anything at all in this book - it is a beautiful book and I loved the first one. I can't imagine anything better than that our story will help some children who may never know the love of a family - at least know life. All the proceeds help to fund surgeries for children who may never be adopted from China. We are so fortunate that our precious baby was healthy - and was eligible to be adopted internationally - there are so many who are neither. I think my Mom would have liked to know that in addition to making me the happiest Mommy - she helped some very sick children get well. I will post a link when the book is published.

Here is my little Olympic Athlete! What is her speciality you ask? Well - isn't it obvious? Ice Cream Sandwich Eating of Course!!! LOL

It really does get better!

I have been cleaning out my email inbox and went back to those desperate days in waiting for Miss EFP to arrive and I realized - I am not nor will I ever be able to forget the agony, but I don't feel as bad about it as I did a few months ago. It is true that a lot of the pain does evaporate right about the time someone hands you the child. I can read all about how upset (psychotic actually) I was when month after month went by and we did not get our referral. It was horrible. And the thing is people after us have waited so much LONGER even. I don't really know if I would have made it another 4 or 5 months on top of the 10 we were actively waiting. Of course we wouldn't have had a choice but it was so emotionally crazy - a real roller coaster. The other part of that is that I could never be 100% sure that a baby would actually be assigned to us, now I know better but at the time it seemed plausible that a letter could arrive at any time saying "No baby for you, one year - maybe never!"

I can laugh about it now that my darling is sleeping in the next room - but honestly the last few months of our wait were an ordeal I hope never to repeat. Every day brought some new humiliation or assault on my emotions - and believe it or not there were many people (not friends - just people I dealt with daily) who had no clue about (well, anything) what we were dealing with and so were insensitive to the point of rudeness. I don't mean the well-meaning or kind-hearted no matter what they said - knowing that they were interested and concerned was helpful. No, it was the ones who would say - "Are you sure you did all the paperwork right? Is there anyway You can expedite this? Hmm.... Doesn't seem like you know much about how this works - since you thought you would have your referral months ago.........." I mean come on - if anyone knows me they know the answers to those questions pretty easily.

We are here and the baby is sleeping.. she is all sideways in her crib under three blankets (she insisted!) with all her menagerie around her. Our nighttime process has gotten progressively more complicated recently. Here it is in steps:

1. Both parents head upstairs whoever has EFP has to 'hide' from the other parent
2. Change diaper and put on pjs, turn on CD player and heartbeat machine, pull shade
3. Drink of water & turn on humidifier Elephant
4. Make sure there are plenty of paceys (6) in the room
5. Get into rocking chair and Read Goodnight Moon
6. Read Goodnight Moon
7. Read Goodnight Moon
8. Read Goodnight Moon
9. Read Goodnight Moon
10. Read Goodnight Moon
10 a. Rock without reading
11. Place child in crib
12. Do you want Sleepy Blankie? Baby nods
13. Baby points to the other blankie hanging on end of crib
14. Do you want other Sleepy Blankie? Baby nods
15. Do you want Lovebug? Baby nods and gets kiss from Lovebug
16. MamaBug? nodding and kiss
17. BabyBug? nodding and kiss
18. Sleepy Teddy? nods and kiss
19. Silly Chicken (which is conveniently under the blankies and has to be found) more nods and kiss - plus two pulls on the chicken for clucking/shaking etc.
20. Daddy says night night My Angel - then leaves
21. Mommy kisses baby a bunch - pats her head, says have a good rest I will see you in the morning and Mommy Loves Baby - Night Night!!

This all takes approx 30 minutes between 7:15 and 7:45 or so each evening. She really gets annoyed if any step is skipped or happens out of order. And - to make matters that much more complicate - Daddy can not do these steps to her satisfaction. I mean of course he does them - she just don't like it! I have to travel for a few days in October - I am already freaking out.

How much I love being EFP's Mommy!

Yesterday notwithstanding... I love being her Mommy so very very much! Her teacher admitted today that yesterday was, in fact, a banner bad day for my little cherub. I don't know why she didn't feel like saying that yesterday - but whatever. Today was a new day! EFP woke up happy and stayed happy all day. When I finally got home she was so happy to see me! I made dinner and we actually had a great time at dinner and the fork action continued.. nary a drop on the floor. I tell you I could cry - just thinking about how far she has come in such a short time. Looking at my friend's blog - while she is meeting her baby and having their first days together - brought back all the memories (harking all the way back 6 months, LOL) of how EFP was those first days in the hotel. No teeth, unable to sit, smiling but tentative and clingy. Okay - she did have the same voracious appetite - but she wasn't eating much more than noodles and congee (really mushy) though she liked fruit even then.

Now - I look at my baby. My Baby!!! She is such a wonder. Happy and healthy. Walking with a purpose and climbing with gusto. She is, rightly so, proud of her accomplishments - she practically demands an ovation for each forkful she maneuvers into her mouth - and truth be told I am all too willing to give it if it means no more mushy food all over the place. She has a strong voice and is pretty decided about her likes and dislikes. She still smiles a lot - and she still prefers Mommy to any other living creature - but Daddy will nearly always do. Tonight she decided she would catch as well as throw her ginormous ball and she did. She is making connections all the time and I can see that she has quite the analytical mind already. She accurately pointed to my ladybug socks and then to her ladybug chair. She understands that clouds on TV are like the clouds in her room - and can tell the difference between white puffy clouds and grey rain clouds. She prefers white and puffy!!

I know that this only seems like a miracle to me. All children must seem like miracles to their own parents - but I guess this seemed like a miracle I would never be a part of. Somehow - everyday reveals new wonders and a few steps more along a road that is so much more fun and more joyous than I ever expected to travel. We are so amazed by her everyday. Tonight she wanted extra rocking before she went to sleep. I happily complied and she hugged me tightly and patted me in that now familiar rhythm. I know that in my heart I am saying forever and ever... I hope that is what her heart is saying. That she is home here in my heart forever and ever.

A new little family!

Please go over and ooh aah over my friend Amy's new baby! They are in China now - same province as EFP and they got their little bundle a few hours ago! She is absolutely adorable and all appears to be well! Isn't it amazing how life's little twists and turns can grab your heart and pull!?

Big Congratulations to Amy, Darrin and little Raenen!

Welcome Princess!

Hey - Who took my Newsweek?


Our Friend at Rebecca Knits was delivered of a 9lb 1 oz baby girl yesterday September 8, 2006 Mom and daughter are doing great - and we all thought she would be a he! Ha!! We are sooooo excited to welcome one more little royal one into the fold! Happy Birthday Princess!

We are utterly sunk today! Nothing I need to get done is getting done. Shocking lack of sitters and my own illness is forcing me to stay at home and rest. In a strange way it is good - EFP is in the midst of what surely will be a record setting nap 3.5 hours so far and I think it is the hectic week catching up to her. She woke on her own just once this week so I think she is feeling the effects of her new schedule as well as the increase in activity in her new room at the center. After labor day she moved up to the Toddler 2 room and has been outiside on all but the worst weather days. Her classmates are exactly the same as her former room mates as they pretty much moved up together. So she is back with the boys and the one little girl in the new room - though she does have a new teacher. She seems to be doing fine - though her tiredness today has me a little freaked out. I mean the kid is a champion sleeper - but a nearly 4 hour nap... though I guess the hour she was awake last night insisting on being rocked could also account for some of this as well as the increased tiredness.

We have a busy busy fall ahead with some kind of activity almost every weekend including a trip to Vermont in October. Our postplacement visit is Monday afternoon and I am looking forward to being done with all the reports and picture generating. I think there may be one more report in February or March for our year anniversary, but honestly these reports are a little tedious after the first one. Granted we have few, if any, issues so I have tried my best to merely chart her progress and continued happiness in our family. Could anything be better...

I have given some thought recently to the strange turn of events. For whatever reason we were meant to travel down this road and bring this child home, but bringing her home has added so much to our lives in ways I could never have predicted. Aside from the absolute angels I have become friends with that I could only have become friends with through the miracle of adoption, there are so many things I would not have understood are part and parcel of this process. How much more I appreciate all the many kindnesses shown our child and our family. It's true that I have always appreciated a good friend - but it means so much more now that friends seem willing to take her into their heart as well. It also means I appreciate the miracles that happen every day.. a quick conversation with a friend who has been on my mind.. and note that says I miss you too. A friend giving birth to yet another miracle and the circle that has been protecting all of us all along.

Perhaps I am a little inclined to meditate these days I think September has become an excellent time for us all to take stock of those intangibles and give thanks for those we have in our lives that make it special. It's probably also because some big changes are coming and while some may make us temporarily sad - knowing that our friends are happy and fulfilled, no matter where on earth, makes us happy also. I also know from personal experience that true and good friends are never more than a heartbeat or kind thought away.

Then and Now.................

Then - the pic we received on 12/8/05 (taken 9/26/05)

Now - home six months

Just for a few seconds..........

I had a mini-pity party. A blog I read often posted their referral today after missing the cut off by one day last month and they were referred twins!! (See Salsa in China) For a few tiny sleep-deprived seconds I was wishing EFP had been twins. We were approved for twins and although I knew it would be sooooo hard I kind of knew we would want two and twins would have been... well twins! So for the briefest of moments I though - Hey, why didn't we get twins? But as I wiped applesauce off the ceiling and two cats this evening after EFP made several quasi-successful attempts at getting the spoon with applesauce on it into her mouth... I realized I would have given up a while ago of even giving the appearance of maintaining some household order!

Well - perhaps because I would have to have been insane to think I could handle twins! Because I am sort of tired all the time now... not that EFP isn't sleeping she is, but child-rearing is tiring! You are 'on' 100% of the time even while you are supposedly sleeping! I do not think I have had a really "good" night's sleep since we met her. I am not, by any means, complaining. I, tired as I may be, have only known real happiness since the second that little child smiled into my face!!

I suppose this is really due to my growing concern over providing a sibling for her. Ever one to obsess about something - and to move from serious project to serious project - I am now trying to figure out the circumstances under which we will be able to add another child to our little family! How is it I have free-time to be thinking about this? Well - I did it. Tonight I signed the papers for our new car... the MiniVan! We bought a brand spanking new Odyssey EXL Can you believe it? I can't. Weeks of research and dealer shopping, price comparisons and soul searching - do I really want to drive a minivan? Its a done deal. I am picking it up Wednesday. And yes, it is Silver just like I wanted!


Are you wondering how in the world a minivan is at all related to our ideal number of children? Well - if I weren't considering our options for a second child I would not be moving all my Coldplay CDs to the behemoth! Luckily, newbie has a 6-CD Changer so I can still listen to all the Coldplay AND the Philadelphia Chickens!! Yes, the minivan is totally related to our wish for a second child. I just don't know if I am as ready as some of my Moonbeam Sisters who have already signed papers! One is actively paperchasing, another has her LOI off for a waiting child and a whole bunch more are begining the paperchase all over again! I am still trying to get all my post-placement reports matched up with the correct photos!

Besides - I am so in love with my child I am just not ready to contemplate another so quickly. I will know my next child when I see him/her. We are committed to finding our child on a waiting child list. I just know that is how it will happen. I have no idea where in the world - though I suspect it will be either China or the USA, but I really believe we will know his/her face as soon as we see it. Aside from the horrendous wait (now about 14 months from the date the paperwork is logged into China) there are so many unknowns. Most importantly - we believe we are in a good position to offer an amazing opportunity to a child waiting for surgery or in need of something a little extra. You will notice I have been very careful in not saying that our next child will be younger than our current child! I am not sure why - but for some reason I just don't feel like EFP should be the older child - not by very much anyway. I did recently inquire about a child who was 2 weeks younger than EFP, but that child had a family working to adopt her.

I think its just the excitement of referrals and how maternal I feel these days. Both because of EFP and the minivan. Its interesting - I never before felt like this was an inevitability, but it feels so right. Now if I could just get the rest of the scenario to work with me......

So big congrats to this month's referred families..... I am not really wishing for twins... one look at the baby the universe meant for me is enough to convince me, that sometimes (ok, usually) its more than OK that I don't get what I wished for! I don't always have my own best interest at heart! LOL

Five Whole Months

Five Whole Months!

August 2nd is the mark of 5 months since our return from China with EFP. Sometimes it seems all too short a time. Like we are still unpacking and other times I can not remember what my life was before she came to take center stage. That is what it is… I am merely a stage hand. I don’t mind though.

This is me and EFP the day we met!

And here is my darling 2 weeks ago at the Grans!!!

Five Months ago we stepped off a plane from a far away land with a child who until then had probably not traveled more than a few miles… well until February 20th that is. On that day our child traveled for nearly 4 hours on a bus in the cold and rain to the civil affairs office where a person employed by the social welfare institution she was assigned to handed her over to us. It was the farthest she had ever traveled to that point. Little did she know that within the next two weeks she would travel on three planes, sleep in 3 different cities and hotels before arriving home here in the states. Now, the way my daughter skarfs down chicken nuggets and French fries you would never suspect she was not born in the USA!

I know that everything changed for her. Absolutely everything. Although – in her previous life she had a foster mom who is a saintly woman. The care she took with our child – the love she gave to this baby is (I am convinced) the real reason she is so happy and healthy today. I am certain that she loved this child as her own. I am also sure that she must still miss this baby. I miss her when I am only away at work!! Yes, everything changed in her little life. She wears much fewer clothes these days and she is so physically active now! She has all she wants to eat (though you could hardly consider her anything less than plump when we received her!) and believe me the child eats! I know that the second she stepped into our life HER whole future changed. Perhaps you could say that the second the orphanage director chose to send her paperwork to Beijing – her future changed.

I also know that everything changed for me also. Not just in the way I live my daily life – but something essential inside of me has changed because she is in my life. I suppose all mothers (and fathers) must feel that way – that who you are at the core is essentially and irrevocably altered when a child arrives. That must be so. I won’t say that becoming a mother has made me better or anything….. just that I have changed at a deep level how I view things and how I take information in etc. How I even process things or make decisions. I could not have predicted some of the changes. I know I have been saying that I am hormonal or something that causes excessive weepiness… though that is not what I really mean. I am also not referring to my being a kinder-gentler me, since that is hardly the point. I probably am less so of each – since now I have someone to protect at all costs. Now I get my hackles raised and – there is no such thing as kind or gentle. I am more thoughtful I think (no pun intended, well maybe a little).

I also have a new found sense of bewilderment that I thought had disappeared long ago. Being a mother bewilders me all the time. How do you speak rationally to someone who insists on being irrational and acting in ways that are inherently dangerous and beyond their ability? How do you ‘explain’ to a child that kitties neither appreciate nor tolerate noodles being flung in their faces? Or that fish crackers should not be flying fish crackers? Or that Mommy has to be in the front seat in order to drive the car and the law insists that baby be in the back seat safe and sound while locked in a baby protection device? Or that stepping is a lot of fun….. stepping on a toy the size of a matchbox car is foolish and baby is gonna get hurt? I ask you – how is it possible to do any or all of those things? And yet everyday I must try to do any or all of them!

Today, I had to keep her home because she has a slight ear infection probably from the swimming pool or perhaps the germ pool (aka daycare) whatever. Her pediatrician said she had to stay home today. EFP stayed home with g-ma and I went to work. I cried on the way to work and then fought the tears all day… well occasionally I stepped out of my office and proclaimed to any who cared to hear that I was very sad that I had to leave my baby home with a stupid ear infection…. Oddly the students seemed not to care! (not really my grad students are very kind and caring… ) I felt guilty and irresponsible for her getting an ear infection in the first place. Either because I have been taking her to the pool or because she must be in day care. SO much for I can fry up the bacon and blah blah blah….

I was thinking about all this, in part because I was thinking about referrals… still so happy for the people who got their referrals yesterday!!! And two because it is our 5 month anniversary of arriving home with our baby. So naturally we are trying to think of how we can begin to think about thinking about a second child. Really the issue is that the wait is now so long and unpredictable that we might have to consider getting the paperwork ready to submit the minute we are eligible in order to begin to wait in line again. It is just so hard to think about. Oh, so why are we, well in this paper intense world we inhabit – our 6 month post-placement report may be able to be combined into a home study update – and thereby putting us on the time line to have our paperwork submitted in February 2007 (we are ineligible until February 21, 2007 – since we must wait one full year from the time of EFP’s formal adoption). Though I hold out hope that we will find our next child on a waiting child list – who knows.

No the real reason is the absolute panic I am in over our pending vacation. We now have to think in terms of “family vacation” rather than merely a vacation. Which means, in short, that I can not wear anything other than what I will actually be wearing when we leave home. I can not take any books or meds or make up, no slr camera, certainly no painting implements. In fact, our vacation packing will be all about the baby. SO we are learning about family vacations the easy way – by taking one! Actually planning for this trip has become so stressful we are 1. considering not going or 2. scheduling a short trip to Bermuda to recover from our 2-week family vacation!!!

Referral Day!! Woo Hoo!!

Finally some long-suffering and anxious parents are seeing BABIES today!! Most notably AMY & DARRIN who are friends in real-life and who we could not be happier for. It will be very interesting to see whether their new Adorable Baby is a Scorpio or not... they are being curiously quiet about her birthday..... LOL I actually cried when I saw that their referral had finally arrived.

In cyber life there are so many people, for example Naked Ovary - who I know waited with pain these last months... they, as we, expected a 6 month referral and for those who were made happy today the wait had crept up to 13 months. That is sad. And HARD! I was a basket case by the time we got ours and it was only 9 months! But we are so happy now... and grateful.

Unless you have BTDT you can't imagine what a humbling experience it is to be given a child to raise.... my own feelings of gratitude increase daily. The more I know and love EFP the more I am humbled by the incredible gift of her life. How much I owe the Chinese Government for entrusting her to my care. Today when I was finally able to find out whether my friends had indeed received referrals - I was thinking back to those last anxious days before we saw our daughter for the first time. Would she be healthy? Would she be happy (eventually) to have us for parents? Would everything be ok? Will I be a good mother? Can we really do this? Of course by then it was really too late to have those questions... and once we saw her little face it was all over for both of us. I hear that some folks don't fall in love at first sight of the referral picture. I did - but I admit I had some small part reserved just in case there was a problem or they (meaning the governments) realized they had made a mistake in referring us an utterly gorgeous (and clearly smart and talented!) baby and switched her for another.......... (OK- I was delirious remember!!!) so I did keep some part separate - the part I reserved for that other precious moment when that beautiful child was handed to me with the words "This is your Mama!" I certainly am that... and from that second on I have been utterly lost. DH also has no reservations in his love for his baby.

So today - the joy is being spread all over the world as new parents get this first site of the face they will come to know better than their own... I am sharing in the happiness..... because my own happiness came that way also!!

CONGRATULATIONS TO ALL WHO RECEIVED REFERRALS TODAY! IT IS AN AMAZING DAY FOR SURE!