Uh Oh! What did we do? Well..... you are hearing it here first: We have started the paperchase for our second child! Officially! Woo Hoo! I guess.
This is not how I was hoping this would go actually - but those of you playing the home game, China released a set of new restrictions for adopting parents and they are quite different than those operating when we went for EFP. So first I cried, then I crunched, cried some more, crunched some more, decided I never really wanted to retire, cried and then I got in the Behemoth and went home. When I informed my poor unsuspecting DH of the changes... to his credit he didn't even blink, he just said "Well, I guess we better get cracking then huh?" Is it any wonder I love this guy?
Of course - our decision is NOT as sudden or panic induced as this sounds - we had been thinking about it, considering waiting children and well, there is the whole foster care certification so we have been talking about it for a bit. I had hoped to have a bit more time as I would like EFP to be a little older and an only for a bit longer before a second permanent child arrived. The new rules mean there will probably be a bunch of panicking paperchasers climbing out of the woodwork at this time. We plan to get our paperwork finished pretty quickly and since I still have some docs left over from last time I am feeling pretty good about this part. Our home study should go well and also pretty fast. I feel good about even the wait this time - since really we need it to be long in order to have our heads examined at length. No, seriously we need to save some money for the process and come to some other decisions about stuff - but we already know in our hearts that there is another child waiting for us in China. I think I have surpassed happy right into the delirious zone! But to be fair it will be a long wait and we still have a mountain of paperwork to get through. The best part of this whole thing - as I discovered tonight, but really already knew, is that I get to journey with friends. Every step of this road I will be accompanied by real friends - who are already sharing in our happiness and joy. Once again we join the ranks of the families in waiting and we are in great company!
It will be a few months before our paperwork is in and then we have an 18 to 24 months wait for our referral. I think that would have killed me the first time - but then when we started last time we expected a very short wait... not so much this time. I will be grateful for the time. I may even learn another thing or two about patience!
I wish I could say EFP was on board - she will be I am sure, but for now I can't even so much as LOOK at another baby or toddler without her protesting. Even her best little buddy J is not allowed to get hugs in front of EFP.
So here is my favorite little (well-circulated) anecdote about not exactly meaning to start another adoption!
Have you ever noticed that you hear all the time about "accidental" pregnancies, but never about couples who experience "accidental" adoptions?
Can you imagine:
Honey, sit down. I have some news for you.
What is it?
Well, I don't know how to say this, so I'll just come out with it. I went out to the mailbox today and ... well, we got an I-171H.
A what?!? An I-171H? As in, we're going to have a(nother) baby?!?
It looks that way.
But how? We've been so careful! I put away all the blank I-600A forms. Didn't you hide our home study update?
Of course I did. But don't forget, there was that one night...
What night? (pauses) Ohhh, that night. But it was only once. We were just messing around. I didn't print clearly. I didn't even use ink! (pauses again) But it was kind of fun.
(giggles)
It was, wasn't it? I'll never forget how cute you looked getting your fingerprints.
So now we've got our I-171H, eh? But that doesn't always mean you'll adopt, does it? I mean, shouldn't you see the agency or something, make sure every thing's okay?
I already did.
And?
I'm five documents along.
Five documents! And they're all notarized, certified and authenticated okay?
Just great. There was one small scare when the agency couldn't see the Notary's middle initial, but it showed up just fine under the magnifying glass.
Thank God. And you, honey? Are you feeling okay?
I'm feeling fine. As long as I know you're happy about this.
Happy? I'm thrilled! It's always a shock at first when something like this happens, but of course I'm happy.
Wish us luck and come along for the SECOND Adventure of a Lifetime!
Posts
7 comments:
I love the accidental adoption story! Actually we DID have an accidental adoption...totally unexpected, unplanned, and ambivalently received (initially). Let me explain...ten years earlier we had casually inquired about possibly adopting from a small children's home in Taiwan. We were told that most of the children there were not available for adoption (as parental rights remained, even though the parents were unable or unwilling to home the children (divorce/remarriage situations)) and that the waiting list was really long. So we said, "Thanks, anyway. We will go to China through thus and such agency instead." And we did. Almost ten years and two adoptions later, we get this call late one night from the director of this children's home in Taiwan. Guess they had kept our file all those years! He announced to me (as though he thought I was WAITING for this and eager!), "We have a son for you!". My husband and I are like, "WHAT? We can't afford any more adoptions, much less any more kids!!! We are DONE! We have all the children we want and are overwhelmed with the energy level and needs of these two...what do you mean you have "our" son?" It was truly a gut-wrenching decision for us and a crisis situation. We did follow through with the adoption and eight months later here was our then six year old son home with us and officially ours! He fit perfectly between our two year old daughter and our nine year old daughter.
Today the kids are 4 (almost 5!), 8, and 11. We wouldn't have it
any other way! We NEEDED three kids...even if we did think we were too old and tired for one more!
Congratulations on your second en route!!!
~Monica
(of Dumplings, Three)
My oldest daughter walked by as I was browsing through your blog just now...and her response? "Oh she is SO CUTE!!!" Darcy loved the photos of your little one! Darcy, is from JiangXi, too...maybe there is a regional partiality there! (I say this because Darcy is not nuts over babies and doesn't generally exclaim over their adorable-ness. I have noticed that often babies from my younger daughter's province (AnHui) have some common physical characteristics (often) as do JiangXi children have a look of their own. Guess maybe there isn't as much moving from area to area in China as other countries...so, regional differences are more easily spotted. (A fellow blogger took her 14 year old daughter, 12 year old daughter, and 14 year old friend back to China for a visit and the elevator man in GuangZhou said the moment he laid eyes on the 3 girls, "They are from AnHui aren't they?!" He was right. He said he, too, was from AnHui and that they "looked" like AnHui girls. (Mind you, they were speaking English and quite Americanized by this time, even though they had only been adopted a year and a half earlier...so, it wasn't their speech that gave them away...it was just physical characteristics.) My youngest, too, is from AnHui...she is a bigger (sturdier) girl than my dainty little JiangXi girl ever was.
We had ASKED for another JiangXi child... Several families with our same agency and social worker were referred babies on the same day... We were assigned a DingYuan baby even though we had requested JiangXi, while another family who were adopting for the first time and had listed no geographical preferences at all were referred a JiangXi baby that same day in the same batch with the same agency and social worker. I remember being a bit wistful. I shouldn't have been! Our littlest is so DIFFERENT (totally different personality, temperament, disposition, talents, etc) that our "perfect" first child was...and that youngest child is delightfully perfect for us! She and her older sister are inseperable. They just have had such a close, close relationship from the very beginning (in spite of our oldest child NOT WANTING another child in the family and not liking babies!). Had we had a clone of our first child (what we really wanted!), it would have been disasterous...well, at least they wouldn't have "fit" each other very well. As it is, in spite of the six and a half years difference between them, they are so close to each other. The youngest one brought out nurturing instincts and empathy in the oldest child that I never knew were there. (The oldest child is extremely intelligent...probably genius IQ with an almost photographic memory...taught herself to read at the age of two and a half...read on a third grade level when she was three years old. The youngest child is just as normal as rain. She is bright, but not unusually bright. She is melodramatic (her older sister is very private and reserved by nature) and you NEVER have to guess how SHE is feeling or what HER opinion is on anything! The youngest is such a people relater. She just is so tender hearted (yet feisty and tough as nails) and she LOVES people so much. She has the gift of making each person feel like THEY are the most special person she has ever met. And it is genuine. They really are the most special person she has ever met! She just is such an outgoing, embracing child...she can look right into your heart and steal it away. Her first conquest was her oldest sister (who didn't want any baby around). Within moments of meeting, Darcy MELTED...and she has never been the same since. My oldest who never showed any nurturing aptitude (even with her one doll, a Korean newborn in a ruffly dress that she named "John Wayne") utterly ADORED her baby sister. She would BEG each night to sleep in the baby's room on the floor by her crib. They were just inseperable. After several weeks of Darcy sleeping on the floor by the baby's bed, I finally let them share a room and just moved them in together. Now, at age (almost) 5 and 11, they still share a room (happily) and even sleep in the same bed (though they have bunks and don't have to sleep in the same level). Rayna brought out so much TENDERNESS and empathy and gentleness out of our oldest daughter...who was so advanced in every area EXCEPT the are of empathy. Our second child (the youngest) was nothing at all like our oldest....and she is JUST what our family needed! Then came our third child (our middle child) with his special challenges (head injury which has left him a legacy of language disabilities, memory disabilities, and severe learning disabilities--is in second grade but works on an early kindergarten level in his special education class)...and he has completed the family that we naivily thought was already complete. He, too, has proved to be a piece of the puzzle that our entire family NEEDED!
~Monica
Missy,
I am so happy for you! I know you will be a pro at the wait this time. Remember if you want to camp out at the CCAA again, I will bring the tent. Good Luck getting all those forms filled out again.
Michele H.
March Moonbeams
Mama to Catie
CONGRATS.. can't wait to follow along. She will be a great big sister : )
Woohoo! We are doing the happy hiney dance here for all of you! How wonderful that you just jumped on this so quick. I have to say the news of the new rules made me cry, but now my tears are happy ones for you and Greg and Chloe. I also think you should send your "Accidental adoption story" to Veronica for the next newsletter, it is really great. What a great Christmas present, have a wonderful holiday.
Love
Jayne
Congrats!!!
This is such wonderful news!!! I cannot wait for you to be DTC. I am so happy your family!! Have a wonderful Christmas!!I have tears in my eyes right now!! I would love to have an "accidental adoption" ( in the next few years, of course). I loved your story- it was great!!
Post a Comment