Monday, October 10, 2011

10 Months...

Someone Loves MoonCakes!

These were lotus bean with yolk centers

She really is the sweetest little girl!!

It has been a really amazing 10 months.. ups and downs - goods and bads. It is never dull and there is never a moment that I look back and feel regret or sorrow. I can't always explain  - but the peace I feel about our children is acute. I feel we have just the right number and combination of children and that intense longing I felt until after Empress Sassy Pants was in my arms... (Ok, screaming in my ears) is completely and utterly a thing of the past.  There is something really special with the three of them.. they get along very well - that is 90% of the time they are great friends the other 10% it is no holds barred open warfare.. in short, they are your average and typical siblings. The sisters are particularly combative.. but, hey what sisters aren't at that age. The competition is fierce and the combatants are fiercest.. when there is jealousy fueled by one or the other in Mommy's lap.. ah, the crux of the issue! Who'da thunk that Sassy would be interested?? Ha!!

While I can recall the absolutely horrific screaming and tantrums.. well, I don't have to recall they are no strangers here. Thankfully - we are making steady progress in that corner. Certainly - she is still tantruming but there is a reduction and it is not (usually) every day. She is doing fine in school, very social and academically she is every bit as smart as we surmised in the beginning, she is reading on grade level and doing great in maths and other subjects. Sassy and Fussy are both cheerleaders and in the Reading club.  Like I said - they get along really well, until they don't.  

Sassy is loving.. and sweet and very generous. Now that we know a bit more about her background.. it is easier to understand her rough patches. Her nature though is good.. and now that she loves me, I know she will always and forever.  I think there is a part of her that can't believe her good luck - winding up here in the USA with a family of her own. She describes her situation in China with some alacrity and it is heartbreaking. Apparently her foster Mom had even less patience for her tantrums than I do.. I don't hit. EVER.   She talks about it and I know I should be writing things down more..  to keep for later..  but honestly, it hurts so much. She has such a poor self image and is so convinced of her own ugliness and lack of worth. This, more than anything, is what breaks my heart.  She cries her heart out when I try to curl her hair, or tell her she is pretty. She has a level of awareness of her behavior (tantrums and screaming) that she should do better and is quite disappointed when she can't. I try so hard to be patient.. we are deep breathing and trying to keep things at a calmer pace.. but she can't help herself. I know it WILL change.. that she WILL be able to substitute words and name her emotions rather than scream and kick.. (and hurt herself which is awful) I do believe. 

In the meantime... she is truly, just as her sister and brother were, a special gift. I never imagined myself to be this lucky.. but I am. Spending time with them is precious and never fails to keep me smiling and happy with the incredible surprise at how this has all worked out so far.


Clara-J said...

oh, these photos are very cute!!

June Hyndman said...

Beautiful family. My daughter is with us because the family that went to china for her could not handle the tantrums. Praise God for Tori. Just needed a little understanding!

Simone said...
This comment has been removed by the author.
Simone said...

Missy, you are doing a great job!

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