Typical Toddler Morning or Why I am never on time for anything anymore!

7:00 AM

EFP: TV on please? (limited to one hour of TV per day)

DH: Okay let me get your milk

EFP: TV on please?

DH: Yes, I hear you

EFP: I want TV on please. No milk, juice! (running battle – the kid is positively juice crazy – actually 50% white grape and 50% water)

EFP: TV on please

EFP: I want TV on please!!

EFP: (shouting) TV ON PLEASE!!!!!

DH: OK! TV goes on (actually Little Einsteins DVD - talk about TV on DEMAND!)

7:02 AM

EFP: I have an ice-pop please? (note: see juice note – this is then poured into pop mold and frozen)

DH: Daddy is fixing some cheerios and milk.

EFP: I have an ice-pop please?

DH: EFP, I am fixing your cereal – would you like peanut butter on toast instead?

EFP: I have an ice-pop!

DH: EFP, you can not have an ice-pop for breakfast!

EFP: I want an ice-pop.

EFP: I want an ice-pop

EFP: I want an ice-pop

EFP: Have ice-pop please

DH: EFP, here is your cereal (toast w/pb, waffles, French toast sticks, eggs, etc.)

EFP: Thank you Daddy – have an ice-pop please.

DH: Here! Have the *$^@*^$@&#@) ice-pop (whisper: don’t tell Mommy!)

7:04 AM

Mom: Good morning boogie!! What’s that?

EFP: Daddy have me ice-pop!

Mom: Hmmmm

Mom: Can you eat your toast w/pb too?

EFP: Yes Mommy. I have an Ice-pop?

Mom: Please eat your toast – you just had an ice-pop!

EFP: I have an ice-pop please?

Mom: EFP, Daddy gave you an ice-pop, you need to eat your toast!

EFP: I want Daddy!

EFP: I want Daddy!

EFP: I want Daddy!

EFP: I want Daddy!

EFP: I want Daddy!

EFP: Daddy give me ice-pop!!

Mom: Of course he did!

(Mutter rude things to self while walking away)

7:06 AM

Mom: Come here baby so I can change your diapie

EFP: No, No change diapie today!

Mom: Yes, it is time for clean diapie – come here so mommy can change it.

Dream Sequence

EFP: Right away mommy! I know you only want me to be clean and healthy and that you live to change my stinky diapie - so I will be right there!

Reality

EFP: NO!! No change diapie now!

Mom: OK – goes and gets baby deposits on changing pad (engage in tickling and funny voice)

EFP: Here my ‘raffes! (EFP-speak for her little family of Giraffes – Mommy, Daddy, Baby)

Mom: Love the ‘raffes!

EFP: I no go to school (childcare) today. I go work with Mommy!

Mom: I wish! Work has no crayons, paint or snacks!

(dressing of child continues – clothes, shoes making style choice can take 5 minutes, hair)

EFP: I bring mine crayons, paint and snacks – plus Elmos, ‘raffes and kitties (our two formerly feral totally house-bound cats who each weigh at least 15 lbs!)

Mom: That does sound like a lot of fun! I think the kitties need to stay home and you need to go to school.

EFP: Yea, I play with Kayee!!

7:30 AM

Mom: OK, let’s get a snack to share at school!

EFP: I bring Elmos (Mommy, Daddy, Baby and Big Bro (AAW))

Mom: One Elmo can go to school

EFP: No! Bring daddy Elmo, mommy Elmo, baby Elmo – bro Elmo stay home (figures!)

Mom: EFP –lets get your snack and pick one Elmo to bring

EFP: I want ice-pop

Repeat x10

7:45 AM

Arrive at Childcare center

EFP: I need yellow leaf

Mom: Hmm… I am not sure I can reach the leaves that are left!

EFP: I need yellow leaf

Mom: Yes, I know you want a yellow leaf, but they are all so high!

EFP: I need yellow leaf

Mom: (Trudges through mud in work shoes and jumps to tear two yellow leafs off tree) Here you go Boogie!

EFP: I need red leaf!

Mom: I will race you into school!!!!!!

EFP: I no race I need red leaf….

Mom: Decides to send EFP to work and attend daycare herself!!!!!!

In a nutshell this is a small slice of my life. When we return from anywhere EFP will absolutely insist about a 100 times that her “coat needs to be off” before I have even removed the key from the door, got second foot over threshold or even managed to put the ton-o-mommy-bags down!! No joke – this part about toddlers is not that much fun – except for the laughs later! I wish I knew more ways to distract her from the endless repetition! DH just gives up and in immediately (now wonder they love their daddies so!)

5 Things I Think I am Doing Right

5. Every single day I do some silly running around the house with EFP. This is after a long work day or early in the morning (on the nights I teach late) so that EFP has a really silly funny Mommy.

4. EFP brushes and FLOSSES every day twice a day. We did dodge the cavity bullet and her DDS (wonderful pediatric dentist with lots of IA experience) said her teeth look good but her enamel is probably thin. She was great and EFP bit her but she laughed and went right on. EFP was fine though cried a little and has 16 teeth with 2 molars coming in on the bottom - and the barest hint of the top. She said they are really killer for the two-year olds.

3. EFP has never had any really junky food and her only taste of candy has been chocolate - twice. She eats really healthy for the most part and loves fruits and veggies. She has never stepped foot inside a fast food restaurant - though she has eaten the nuggette de chicken and the fries de la francais... LOL on a few rare occasions. I really try hard to provide healthy balanced meals for all of us but I feel I am succeeding with her at least!

2. I really don't sweat the small stuff and most of the time I do recognize when the stuff is really small. I can see how easy it would be to get really caught up in the details of a toddler's life - but I am doing a good job at not worrying about all the stuff that I shouldn't be.... toys, clothes, etc. Now if I could just stop sweating the not so small.... sibling, school district yadda yadda.

1. I just love this baby - for who she is in all her silly, funny, smart and lovable glory. I do think we are giving her freedom to develop her sense of humor and compassion, her intellect and her imagination. I hear her playing with her animals (4 billion little people animals and people thanks to Fither Pruce! And no none of these were recalled!) and although she is nearly always putting them in some danger (Help me! Help me! I am stuck! A lot like she did when she was pre-walking and confined to her excersaucer) she always sends a few other animals to help them out. She is loving and kind, concerned when the kitties don't get their 2 treat each a day ration, she checks me for boo boos and kisses them if there are any. EFP shares a special snack everyday with her center friends and seems very concerned if any one of them is upset when Mommy/Daddy leave (like she was for a few weeks a month ago!). But I really think that we are giving her a great foundation of love and trust to build on. I probably shouldn't say this is something I do well.. since It is effortless to LOVE her so much, but I know one can love and still not be a good parent. I am not as good a parent as I wish to be all the time - but I do try all the time to be better.

Two-year molars!

And other trips to h*ll! We have reached the end of the teething and it is a nightmare. Fevers from 99 to 102 at any time of day or night. EFP is in such pain she ASKS for "meds Mommy, please!" I mean have you ever heard of a two-year old ASKING for meds? Of course - mine also asks for shrimp now - so I have come to expect that from her. We needed no fireworks for the 4th - we had our own. EFP is miserable... and so I have been a virtual prisoner on my little mini-break. Oh well, the down time is good for us, we are usually so busy that any excuse to relax is welcome. She did go swimming for a bit tonight and we did make one trip to Targette - for the dollhouse bookcase (SALE!) and I have finally organized the toybee section of the LR and now her books, little peeps and all the playduh stuff is organized and easy to reach. Whoopee!! EFP can now count to 20 in English, 10 in Spanish & ASL, and 5 in Mandarin. Is my baby the BOMB or what?


It has also become abundantly clear we will be waiting a very long time for EFP's sibling. I am not upset - I knew going in that the wait would be long, I am just worried that by the time we get a referral we would have become sort of out of love with the idea of adding another child and that is when the panic sets in. I mean we are still sort of working on making our life work with one child - I can't imagine how adding another is going to be, especially when we won't know for a few years even what gender the child would be. Apparently at a recent meeting with our agency the CCAA confirmed that a 2.5 to 3 year wait for those of us currently in process has been deemed probable. I went into this thinking that would be fine - one day care bill at a time and all.. now, back aching from aforementioned organizing, baby holding, comforting and other miscellaneous motherings that I just wonder if I will still want another in 3 years. My agency released a new waiting child list - and there are some adorable babies - any of whom I would be so lucky to parent - but the day care dilemma and not having enough time saved to be able to travel and then stay home for even a little while loom as huge problems. Will the idea of starting all over again in 3 years have lost some of its allure after so long? ACH! (like Bill the Cat). I don't know, I guess we will see. Oh - and FINALLY after ONLY 10 months.. we are a licensed foster family! yea us.

Because THEY said so that's why!

We are just swamped at the moment. Our road to DD/DS #2 is not going as smoothly as we'd hoped. Everything is, as usual, done. We are waiting for the United States Citizenship and Immigration Services (also called USCIS) to process our I600A Application for Advance Processing of an Orphan Petition (no seriously that is what the form is called!) and we have hit a real bump. The USCIS has apparently received a flood (avalanche, landslide, large pile) of requests for Advance Processing of Orphan Petitions for GUESS WHICH COUNTRY!!!?? Give up... rhymes with SCHMINA! Oh, AND rhymes with SCHWATAMALA! See a pattern here!?

I can't really speak to the Guatemala problem - except that it seems likely that the Hague Treaty will finally be ratified here in the USA and then unless Guat. complies that Americans will be barred from adopting from there for the foreseeable future. Hence, the rush to get papers in before the ratification closes this extremely popular program.

It is not really different for China - it's those of us who were waiting in the lobby - trying to make up our minds, or wait till our children were a little tiny bit older, or wait till we had unpacked from our last trip, saved more money to pay for a second,.... and on and on, and suddenly the door to seems to be closing in our faces before we even had time to make the decision. I am not, by any means, the only one (well that was obvious wasn't it) the room is apparently quite crowded. And the door is about to not just close but, slam shut.

We filed our form (with 1/2 inch of paperwork in supporting documentation) and so did many many others and now we are waiting - and the US Gov. is estimating that our processing time will be 11 weeks and we will miss the cut off. If this is true I have no idea what the likelihood of our being accepted by China after May 1, 2007 could be. I am not really upset - not yet anyway - I guess there is still an optimist somewhere in me that says this will happen. That we will not be shut out completely. Now that we have started - not to mention invested time and money - I want another child. I don't mind waiting - but I would like to know that there will be another so I can focus on the one we have.

On the domestic front - the bullet we dodged in having our China HS dated 1/9/07 and on its way to USCIS on 1/10/07 means we did not have to worry about getting FBI fingerprints BEFORE our HS is certified and complete. The law in NY changed effective 1/11/07 and there are a ton of International parents caught between a rock and a (really FBI) hard place. It can take the FBI 12 weeks to process these requests. No HS - No USCIS, it's all really tough. Well - the bullet is still ricocheting around and bit us in our Domestic butt. Our foster care license can't be processed until we (Did you see this one coming?) get our fingerprints done by FBI!! So I wrote to our caseworker to find out if they would accept our 171H as proof of our FBI check having been completed and approved. We are waiting to see what she says.

Dumplings, Three tagged me so here goes: Six weird things about me

1. I don't like (I mean really don't like) when food boxes aren't opened properly. I like the boxes to be neat and not all torn (which can also make things inside the box stale).

2. When I misplace something I can not do anything else until I have found it - including sleep or eat. I should just misplace everything.......

3. I buy three different toothpastes every time. One is for the Empress, but the other two are for me and DH. I can not share toothpaste with my DH. HE is a squisher, cap leaver-offer, dry-crusty-paste-leaving-in-the sink sort and I am decidedly not. He is also a minty-fresh and I am a cinnamon or vanilla mint (but only if I can not find cinnamon).

4. I have a pile of books near my bed and I am usually reading all of them at the same time. Same for mags, and a few periodicals.

5. I can not sleep or actually do anything without lip balm nearby. I seem to have perennially chapped lips and must have balm or lipstick on and available to reapply all the time. I have been known to get out of bed and go downstairs to restock. I also can not retire for the evening without a bottle of a particular brand of spring water (Schmoland Schpring). There is actually a really funny story about this that has to do with almost costing me my graduate degree! Someday I will write it up.

6. I do not like to drive my car without my little seat belt adjuster. I am short (5') and the seat belt chokes me if I do not use one. My old one broke and so far the replacements have fallen short of my expectations... I use them because I must - but it is cramping my Super Mom Mini Van-ness to have to use the substitutes until I find the right ones.

If you are reading this AND you blog.. consider yourself tagged!! BTW Dumpling's Mom - I totally would have put your second item: Sleep all day and stay up all night - but I do not consider that weird!! LOL

We've done it now!

Uh Oh! What did we do? Well..... you are hearing it here first: We have started the paperchase for our second child! Officially! Woo Hoo! I guess.

This is not how I was hoping this would go actually - but those of you playing the home game, China released a set of new restrictions for adopting parents and they are quite different than those operating when we went for EFP. So first I cried, then I crunched, cried some more, crunched some more, decided I never really wanted to retire, cried and then I got in the Behemoth and went home. When I informed my poor unsuspecting DH of the changes... to his credit he didn't even blink, he just said "Well, I guess we better get cracking then huh?" Is it any wonder I love this guy?

Of course - our decision is NOT as sudden or panic induced as this sounds - we had been thinking about it, considering waiting children and well, there is the whole foster care certification so we have been talking about it for a bit. I had hoped to have a bit more time as I would like EFP to be a little older and an only for a bit longer before a second permanent child arrived. The new rules mean there will probably be a bunch of panicking paperchasers climbing out of the woodwork at this time. We plan to get our paperwork finished pretty quickly and since I still have some docs left over from last time I am feeling pretty good about this part. Our home study should go well and also pretty fast. I feel good about even the wait this time - since really we need it to be long in order to have our heads examined at length. No, seriously we need to save some money for the process and come to some other decisions about stuff - but we already know in our hearts that there is another child waiting for us in China. I think I have surpassed happy right into the delirious zone! But to be fair it will be a long wait and we still have a mountain of paperwork to get through. The best part of this whole thing - as I discovered tonight, but really already knew, is that I get to journey with friends. Every step of this road I will be accompanied by real friends - who are already sharing in our happiness and joy. Once again we join the ranks of the families in waiting and we are in great company!

It will be a few months before our paperwork is in and then we have an 18 to 24 months wait for our referral. I think that would have killed me the first time - but then when we started last time we expected a very short wait... not so much this time. I will be grateful for the time. I may even learn another thing or two about patience!

I wish I could say EFP was on board - she will be I am sure, but for now I can't even so much as LOOK at another baby or toddler without her protesting. Even her best little buddy J is not allowed to get hugs in front of EFP.

So here is my favorite little (well-circulated) anecdote about not exactly meaning to start another adoption!

Have you ever noticed that you hear all the time about "accidental" pregnancies, but never about couples who experience "accidental" adoptions?
Can you imagine:

Honey, sit down. I have some news for you.

What is it?

Well, I don't know how to say this, so I'll just come out with it. I went out to the mailbox today and ... well, we got an I-171H.

A what?!? An I-171H? As in, we're going to have a(nother) baby?!?

It looks that way.

But how? We've been so careful! I put away all the blank I-600A forms. Didn't you hide our home study update?

Of course I did. But don't forget, there was that one night...

What night? (pauses) Ohhh, that night. But it was only once. We were just messing around. I didn't print clearly. I didn't even use ink! (pauses again) But it was kind of fun.
(giggles)

It was, wasn't it? I'll never forget how cute you looked getting your fingerprints.

So now we've got our I-171H, eh? But that doesn't always mean you'll adopt, does it? I mean, shouldn't you see the agency or something, make sure every thing's okay?

I already did.

And?

I'm five documents along.

Five documents! And they're all notarized, certified and authenticated okay?

Just great. There was one small scare when the agency couldn't see the Notary's middle initial, but it showed up just fine under the magnifying glass.

Thank God. And you, honey? Are you feeling okay?

I'm feeling fine. As long as I know you're happy about this.

Happy? I'm thrilled! It's always a shock at first when something like this happens, but of course I'm happy.

Wish us luck and come along for the SECOND Adventure of a Lifetime!

Three years ago today...............

Me and my Mom - at my wedding 4/25/1998

............we (my sister, brother and I) lost our mother. It was unexpected in its suddenness and although we knew she was very sick - I think there is no way to really prepare for the demise of your parent. In our case - our only parent. I think she died as she had wished - at home, no doctors or hospital. She was at her computer probably talking to one of the tons of people she chatted with or played games with. One of her online buddies sent a note yesterday - I was touched. There were many who wrote to us three years ago, I saved all those notes - I wished then as I wish now that she could have felt about herself the way everyone else felt about her.

My Mom was a lot of things - perfect wasn't one of them. Smart, fun, kind, a great cook and generous to a fault. As a mom she was loving and could be somewhat wacky at times - sometimes on purpose and sometimes not. She had a great sense of humor and loved the ridiculous - and a good play on words. We could go back and forth at it for hours.. sometimes weeks during brief giggling phone calls back and forth each word getting more and more convoluted.

I suppose some of the things that I remember most are the things that set her apart from the mainstream - taking us crabbing off Babylon Municipal Docks at midnight in the summer heat, so once we got to see a real shark (dead!) that a famous shark hunter dragged into the dock but ultimately had to drag across the sound to be hauled up and weighed - 850 lbs of Tiger Shark! How many folks can say that? Packing us kids up with nets and flashlights (and pepper and egg sandwiches) and a cooler full of some cold drink - listening to the adults laughter and smelling the ocean or bay breeze. Having Mom wake us in the middle of the night to watch a really old movie - Like Raintree County with Elizabeth Taylor or Wuthering Heights with Merle Oberon and Lawrence Olivier. Letting us read whatever we wanted - Including Jaws when I was only 10 years old - way more scary than the movie and I didn't swim for quite a while. How SHE got a tattoo in rebellion when I was 17 - then showed it to anyone who cared to see (a butterfly on her shoulder, I was mortified!) and how impressed with herself she was for daring to do it. I could go on and on - but I won't.

Her incredible talent in making things.... she once created an entire Trousseau ( I only knew about Trousseau because of my love for Victorian romantic novels and was obsessed for a time with embroidering my own) for my Barbie - the one my sister and I shared- out of old curtains (ala Scarlett O'Hara - more on that in a bit) and it was so much nicer than anything one could purchase. How she took me to see Gone With the Wind only AFTER I had read the book - so I would know that the story was different and better in the book. Or how she painstakingly made a true southern belle ball gown, which included pantalettes and a hoop skirt, for a college costume party. Or how she never minded when we used that huge box of old curtains to play some silly make believe game - indeed she encouraged it. How she taught us to sew so we could make clothes for the doll and furnish her cardboard dream house with slip covered sanitary pads and canopy beds made from government cheese boxes. How I think to myself, looking at some doll clothes or craft pieces - as she must have, I could do that, and better! When it comes to craftiness we each inherited some piece of her fingers' magic. Each of us, in our own way, is incredibly creative and talented.

Or how she almost fell on the floor laughing on the day of my 10th birthday when I discovered the dog had managed to eat most of the birthday cake she had made for me while we were eating my birthday dinner. I did not think it funny at the time and was crying hysterically and she (and bro and sis) could not stop laughing - till finally I had to join them, it was pretty funny seeing the dog with all the icing on his face.

How she one time made a care package complete with cookies for my sister while she was away at college - big heart-shaped linzer tart kinds with heart cut outs - she packed them so carefully. I know she wished she could have done that (and more) all the time... but it was fun when she did get to do it.

There were so many crazy moments - the dog jumping out of the car on the Grand Central Parkway on the way to Nana's, the Llamas at the game farm, our first trip into NYC to see the lights at Christmas, the attacking swans at argyle lake, the four foot tall bunnies, the annual tree decorating (always forcing us to remember that in the early years she did it all by herself on Christmas eve - including wrapping all the gifts and slipping them under the tree) and her admonishments that the tinsel be set perfectly strand by strand, then waking us up by shaking the bells all in the mistaken belief that if she woke us up in the middle of the night - rather than have us wake her in the morning - she would get to sleep later. I don't know that that ever worked out quite the way she wished. Even with the scant presents we got we were always so excited - then there was the year she (stupidly) put Kazoos in all our stockings............ or the year I got puzzle glue but no puzzle. I suppose my brother always managed to come up with some funny way of celebrating.. a smelly boot or a gift hidden in the tree branches. Mom always loved a good gift joke that way. Her desire to make people happy - at least in the way she thought she would make them happy - caused her to stress about it in the worst way, so she never really understood how much happiness she did give. Every Christmas we made Ravioli - hundreds of them. I don't think that I have ever eaten a meal that filled us up as much as her Ravioli. She was capable of so many things - such great acts of love.

I know in every mother's life there are a million moments that are special to her children- I also know that the picture of my Mom is so much more than I can paint. I loved her very much - and I know in my heart that she loved us all. I think she would be proud of all of us and how we are making our way in life - I know she would adore EFP and be proud of our little family just as I know that she adored my sister and her family and as much as she complained about the distance between us, it was only because she wanted to be there everyday with those two amazing children. I know also that she would be pleased that our brother also seems to have found a sense of family and some happiness with his wife and two children.

She had known a great many people, helped some of them in their hard times but hardly anyone really knew her. I know that there are people who miss her - maybe not as much as we do - but miss her a great deal. I wish there was a way I could make her clear to people - clearer even to me. I miss being able to talk with her.... knowing that whatever I said she would be on my side and offer what comfort she had. Tonight I sent DH to the store and had him get a chicken which I turned into soup... at first I thought it was simply because I have been so sick and EFP likewise and that the soup would make us both feel better. I guess I wasn't thinking then (baby really sick and screeching, battling a migraine, gone without sleep for days on end and feeling like I have been run over by a mack truck) that it was because of today's importance. Of course it was. Whenever I was feeling bad (physically or emotionally) my Mom would show up with a pot of chicken soup - if you were my DH she would show up with eggplant (hmmrph!) and all would be well again for a little while.


This isn't the kind of tribute I wish for her - I don't know if I am the right person to do that. I am her first born, therefore the least objective, though it seems right to try. I wish to remember her from when I was really little - in that way that children have of looking up at their parents - we were sitting under a Japanese Maple Tree and it was afternoon... I thought she was so very pretty and smart. What child doesn't think that about their mom? I think it is also the time of year... for me November is a time to reflect and then we head into the holiday season. This year more than ever I feel the weight of my immense gratitude for all I have and yet the unbearable loss - how the one person I most would want to share this with is both the person that made it possible and the person who will never share in my joy.

I can't say all that is in my heart tonight. I am sad - I miss her most when I have questions about being a Mom or when I have some triumph to share about my amazing child. She wouldn't have appreciated my giving EFP a form of her name - but the threads that connect us - red or otherwise - are so long and tangled, and I still feel so connected to her - call them the ties that bind or the fabric of family, or whatever, but I feel my Mom very close to me this evening and I hope she is proud, knows how well we loved her and finally has some peace.

RVK - March 11, 1942 - December 5, 2003

One Year Ago Today.... (Part 1 of a Multipart Series)

Maybe the Hokey Pokey IS what it's all about!!

..............I was beside myself with grief as yet another birthday (yet another milestone) had passed with no baby, no news of our baby and no idea when/if there would ever be a baby. I was anxious, scared, embarrassed, grieving and trying desperately to hold onto whatever hope I could find. I would fall apart at the slightest provocation and dissolve into tears if someone as much as looked like they MIGHT ask when we were expecting our referral. The entire landscape of adoption from China changed while we were in process.... all of a sudden mere days worth, rather than the month's worth, of referrals would be sent causing the wait to lengthen inexplicably and for the uncertainty to reach a fever pitch. We were in the thick of it for sure! I have already written at length of how much my different circles of friends helped me get through the wait - so I won't go there again but honestly I am still grateful for all the support I received during the crazy wait.

I had no faith then - last year. No faith that either of the two jurisdictions would actually provide what they promised. I was still so convinced that I was undeserving of that which I most desperately wanted. In spite of the mountain of evidence that a range of people had examined every single aspect of my life as well as DH's and promised us that we would be parents. I still harbored the result of years of bitter disappointment, unfulfilled promises and working towards things that would never be forthcoming. I am still under the impression that I will usually not get what I want.. but every so often the universe throws me a curve ball. Just to see if I am paying attention or something. Oh what a curve ball!

Most of the parents we waited with have put all this behind them and many are embarking on new journeys toward other children. I have put it behind in the sense that I don't dwell on it any longer but I don't think I have made peace with it yet. I do know I don't feel the same angst, obviously I don't have a heck of a lot of time for that these days anyway! I have yet to write the LONG letter I owe the agency for their part in this. I have since come to learn to that there must be a written policy some where that says if a client starts to complain or gets to questioning the service aspect they respond with condescension and imply that the complainer is in fact high strung, inflexible, unable to handle the trip and they throw in, for good measure, the mention of a sick or absent child. Just to prey on a new parent's worst fear. We get all the way to China and something is wrong with the child... can you imagine anyone writing that policy? As if waiting and everything else is a walk in the park and when they are less than forthcoming in information etc. and you react as most people would - they try to make you seem crazy for advocating for yourself! Yea, that letter is most over due.. do know we will not be using that agency again!

We do think we want another child... I am not interested in the uncertainty of waiting for another baby though. I think we will take a chance and try a child. One year ago I wasn't sure we would have one child and now very often I can see 2 or 3 before we hang up this particular towel! LOL. So much has happened in the intervening year that I hardly know how to catalog all the events. I do know I have made so much peace with those things that have plagued me and held back my vision of who I could be. I have been writing quite a bit and I believe I may work up the courage to submit a few things here and there. I also have some small plan for my career that may mean things happening in a good way for a change. Not sure exactly what will happen - but we'll see. We still have a few classes to complete to get certified as foster parents - its been a real exercise in catharsis for me. I don't dwell on the fact that I was a foster child once upon a time - but I was and it gives me a perspective that most of the people in our class do not have. I don't talk about it all that much in class - so far only once. I don't purport to have all the answers but I know what would not have worked well enough. I also know that the shame of appearing on some one's doorstep is not something erased over night or, honestly, ever. It has been good though for me to be there and in some measure for my DH (child of privilege though he be) to hear what foster care really is and, perhaps even more important, what it is not. Our foster child(ren) - when he/she/they get here - will have some comfort in knowing that I understand all too well how it feels and that I am more than willing to do whatever it will take to advocate for him/her. They may be too young to know what that all means, but I think they will feel it and I will do my best to be some comfort.

In the meantime - and just to add to the craziness - we are seriously considering a waiting child. I have made some inquiries about her medical situation and I am waiting for more information before we complete the petition but I can't get her little face out of my heart and although I have some concerns about my ability to deal with her medicals.. there is something about her that is so sweet it just tugs at me. Of course I have also decided that there is practically NO child I can not love. I just love children and there is no end to it. I don't think I ever saw myself as one of those earth mother types who has a house full of children etc. but sometimes I feel like whatever we can do either domestically or internationally for children is still not quite enough. 1 child or 10 I would try to be a good mom deserving of the children.

Terrible Twos Indeed!

Now, we know. Sure we thought we had dodged a bullet for all the past 7 months, EFP has been the happiest sweetest baby ever. But now she is almost 19 months old and while I would say that 90% of the time she is still that – occasionally we get a glimpse or as today – a full frontal of what the Terrible Twos really mean! I think this has been building for a couple of weeks now, since the last time she woke up kind of cranky and out of sorts. This morning she was fine till after her nap. She woke from her nap in a ripping mood. She literally did not want any part of wearing pants today. No pumpkins were picked! For whatever reason – she has decided that diaper changes are the equivalent of murder (or at least she screams like bloody murder!) and so she will resist with every fiber of her being – kicking and twisting something a little exorcist-ish on the floor, ottoman, changing table, bed – wherever! I now dread having to change her diaper in a public facility – both for the stares and the safety factor. Those flip-down changing stations are sort of not that stable. Then at dinner (which usually reverses her moodiness) the tacos I made were unacceptable so she threw her spoon at me. GREAT!

Twice today she did corner duty for pitching her sippy cup (full!) at one or the other of the two resident kitties (so far this is the only punishable offense) and I discovered that the so-called naughty step wasn’t working because a. she plays peek-a-boo from the step through the rails and b. she climbs up the staircase which is a recipe for disaster! So I have taken to putting her in the one corner in the hallway. Well – imagine my surprise when she seemed to know EXACTLY what to do!!!!! So now one more difficult conversation with the child-care center. Somehow - someone has put her in the corner already and not told me about it. TERRIFIC! The highlight of the evening had to be when she freaked out completely as the last few drops of water from her evening bath drained away and she was sitting in an empty tub. This is the same tub as yesterday.. the water always drains out and she usually is very happy to be wrapped up in a few giant fluffy towels and carried into her room to be massaged with lotion and then slipped into her pjs etc. NOT this time! No – she freaked out all (wrinkly and blue-lipped as she was) and tried to turn the water back on!! It was kinda funny – she has never reached for the faucets before so I don’t think she really understood. She did really want to help with the lotion part – for the third time today! She will have the softest skin in the USA at this rate. She is obsessed with the lotion bottle and likes me to put a small amount on her hands so she can apply it to her (really really) soft tummy, and feet and nose. Today – I was in for a treat!! I got the lotion on a q-tip on my legs – I was wearing capris.

Seriously – how long do the so-called terrible twos last?? Till she is three? I won’t last – I just won’t make it I tell you!

Happiness is a warm crockpot!

I finally mastered one recipe in the new slowcooker swedish meatballs!! Using frozen meatballs no less! I served it with noodles and mixed california veggies and there were only yum-yum noises at dinner tonight! Finally! I had tried a few other recipes and so far they were not big hits... I had no recipe books though, so I remedied that and although this is my own version of Swedish Meatballs I think I followed the basic idea I got in the book. EFP surely like the little meatballs and, of course, the noodles. She is much neater at the table these days, though she has her moments when noodles go flying and it is still more messy than I would like.

We are very excited that a young friend of ours will be visiting again soon. We were delighted to host a small informal dinner (okay, it was pizza) for her last Monday and we are hoping this will be a regular occurence. I would even go so far as to say that we would love it if she were here every night for dinner... very soon!

So there are great goings on here at the Empress's everyday palace. I have discovered I am no good at selling items on Craig's List! I listed three things and so far I have only gotten one email and that was just a stupid question. I have been hoping to get rid of the futon in EFP's room to make room for a twin/daybed for our little visitor. I want her to feel at home whenever she is here, so I thought a nice new bed with her own choice of linens would be a good start. But - the Futon has to go. I do waver back and forth - it's really quite comfy and does provide a nice big bed for guests to sleep in - but I think its important for kids to have a bed of their own. SO the quest for a new home for the Futon goes on. I suppose if push comes to shove I will put it on the grad student list at work and some lucky student will be able to claim it. Its a really well-made futon so I can't imagine someone wouldn't want it.

We are otherwise in our usual mode - everything is crazy and we are running at full gallop all the time.......... and you should see how big our smiles are!!

When the moon.........

......is in the seventh house and Jupiter aligns with Mars.................



An appropriate opening for this week when the Chinese celebrate the Moon Festival. As I mentioned previously we celebrated the Moon Festival at a local park with tons of our friends! It's a great time to reflect on our ancestors. I have been reflecting on mine - well, at least my Mother. She has been on my mind quite a bit - both for those things she did and those she did not. I miss her but the happier memories are starting to rise to the surface and I am grateful for that. This time of year is a time to give thanks for the gifts our ancestors have given us - I am thankful for the resiliency that seems to be my gift. My DH also seems to have received the gift of resiliency and hopefulness also. When you see the moon - it's the same moon that our foremothers saw and they too looked with hope and dreams. It's the same moon I saw while I waited for the person who whould change my life forever - and she may also have been looking at the moon. Is it a coincidence that Goodnight Moon is her favorite book?

I also reference some other mystic happenings. It's not that I have switched to the 'other' side - I am still the usual skeptic I have always been. Somtimes though there are clear signs that the path I am on is the correct path. This has been one of those times where my path is clear. I may be nervous and a little unsure of myself - but I have been saying something for the last 2 weeks that I think bear repeating and is more than a little applicable these days.

"Just because something is hard (and there is a chance your heart will be broken) doesn't mean you shouldn't do it."

Indeed, everything worth doing is hard in one way or another. I was speaking with someone about buying a house - how the process is so complex and is harder than you think it possibly could be. When we bought our house - it seemed like the hardest thing I had ever done... till we adopted. Now - I know what hard is. I had thought that the process of obtaining a mortgage, where one feels like they are under a microscope and there is a certain amount of being judged 'worthy' or 'unworthy' that is inherent and stays with you for a while after you assume that incredible financial committment. But honestly - I did not know the first thing about scrutiny till we entered the adoption process.

Oddly enough - in baring my entire life to virtual strangers on both sides of the world - I have been able to once and for all rid myself of some demons that have haunted my progress over the years. Stemming from a childhood where some of the most important lessons were absent - it took me a litte longer to figure out what everyone else seemed to know. When I returned to school and completed my masters and entered the PhD program - I sort of figured out everyone (to some extent) is just trying to figure things out. I haven't met too many (though there have been a few) people who knew exactly where they fit in this world - what their special gift was. I am not sure I have found mine either - so I try to be helpful. I do know that I am not afraid anymore of the hard things, or being laughed at or even falling down while taking a leap of faith. I described our journey to become parents as a real leap of faith - faith that I would be able to withstand the scrutiny and invasion of my privacy that was necessary to the process. Withstand the judgement in the face of my own fears as to what kind of Mother would I be - it is hard (though not impossible) to remain positive when you are afraid SOMEONE else will say you are not capable. Thankfully, I did stay in it - it was hard but I did it anyway. And the rewards are a bounty and also an unlooked for gift of joy and a true connection with motherhood. I never knew how much I was capable of loving another person... unconditionally and completely. I had some glimpses when my niece and nephew were born - since I do love them to the moon and back, but it just isn't the same as when that love is reflected back at you as with my child. All the love I give her is reflected back to me... same for her daddy.

I have also come to understand why some people are reticent to shake that up and add a second child. It's hard to believe that once you have poured everything you have into one child - who becomes the center of your universe - that you could then add a another little something to revolve around. I have a suspicion about this as well - that just as I didn't know what it would mean to love one child and the reality has turned out to be so much more than I was capable of believing for me - that adding a second just increases the love you have to give. Instead of dividing - you multiply. Some friends of ours are already anticipating the arrival of a second child - and I bless them for it. My friend already gets that her heart will grow twice as large with the addition of another incredible child to love. My sister got it... I suppose many many people have figured that out.

Things are going very well for us at this point. We have put our moving plans on hold for a while. We realized that EFP is not ready to leave her butterfly and cloud paradise and she would be so sad if she had to. And since I can't imagine that we could duplicate the walls and art - I wouldn't even try. During the nearly two years we waited we had a lot of time to plan and prepare a glorious setting for our darling to come home to, changing her room would be very hard to do under normal moving the household (short of time and cash) circumstances. I am ok with this decision and while you may be reading between the lines that there is more to this decision than meets the eye - believe me, I will change residences the very minute that it is feasible and not likely to cause irreparable harm to our family.

In the meantime - why not go outside tonight and take a peak at the glorious Moon. Think about how far you have come and how magical the journey has been. Give thanks for your ancestors (the good and bad) for even the bad times have left an indellible mark on your soul and you are a better person for having survived. Look up and make a wish - for yourself and your future self, maybe wish a little peace on your past self. I know I will.

Well you just never know do you?

Here are some very amazing young women! One of them is mine and the other two - well I only wish they were! I adore their Mom and ALL their sisters as well! We had such fun at the FCC-LI Autumn Moon last Saturday!

Here is my climbing girl! She has taken to climbing anything and everything - here she is climbing in and out of her red wagon for the gagillionth time! Notice her March Moonbeam Bib! Once a Moonbeam - Always a Moonbeam!

Sometimes in your life there are moments that just take your breath away. I get that a lot these days. My daughter is so amazing - every day she does something that makes me stop and catch my breath. She is adding words to her vocabulary by the bushel and she is increasingly more agile all the time. She will literally climb on anything and everything anytime. We had an amazing time at the picnic - I think (OK I KNOW) this was the best one yet! It certainly was for us - no more longing looks at other people's babies.. or that nagging feeling like we would never be chasing a little one around.. HA! Boy did we chase a little one! EFP did not want to sit still for a second - unless it was in her wagon while IT was moving! We got to see some of our very favorite people - and we missed some others...

We really had a fabulous time and the weather was perfect - though the park was even dustier and dirtier than last year and from our own experience and what we have heard all the kids were covered in muck and were bathed instantaneously upon arrival home! My own baby was so tired she bathed and wanted to go night-night almost immediately. She had so much fun!

We have been very busy and it is going very well. Unfortunately I can not really discuss it here - I will tell all when I can - but for now - it is a rather intense time and I have been hard pressed to get all the details together. For now we are just asking everyone to keep us in their thoughts and hope that all turns out as it should for all involved. (I only bring this up because if my blogging is lacking in its usual verbosity you will know I am not losing interest - I am just tied up doing important other work for the time being)

We are headed up to Vermont for a few days of leaf peeping and harvest festival attending. We are hoping to take a much needed break for a few days. We will enjoy the company of DH's folks and the fall scenery.

On another happy note - I decided to write a little something about how we decided to adopt from China for the new Love Without Boundaries Book Love's Journey 2 - and guess what? They liked it! They really liked it! So a part of our story will be in this book! With pictures of Miss EFP! Our story will be in a section called Honoring the Heirlooms and it will tell about the connection I felt with my Mom and our baby all during the time we were deciding and waiting for our baby. I am proud to have anything at all in this book - it is a beautiful book and I loved the first one. I can't imagine anything better than that our story will help some children who may never know the love of a family - at least know life. All the proceeds help to fund surgeries for children who may never be adopted from China. We are so fortunate that our precious baby was healthy - and was eligible to be adopted internationally - there are so many who are neither. I think my Mom would have liked to know that in addition to making me the happiest Mommy - she helped some very sick children get well. I will post a link when the book is published.

Here is my little Olympic Athlete! What is her speciality you ask? Well - isn't it obvious? Ice Cream Sandwich Eating of Course!!! LOL

It really does get better!

I have been cleaning out my email inbox and went back to those desperate days in waiting for Miss EFP to arrive and I realized - I am not nor will I ever be able to forget the agony, but I don't feel as bad about it as I did a few months ago. It is true that a lot of the pain does evaporate right about the time someone hands you the child. I can read all about how upset (psychotic actually) I was when month after month went by and we did not get our referral. It was horrible. And the thing is people after us have waited so much LONGER even. I don't really know if I would have made it another 4 or 5 months on top of the 10 we were actively waiting. Of course we wouldn't have had a choice but it was so emotionally crazy - a real roller coaster. The other part of that is that I could never be 100% sure that a baby would actually be assigned to us, now I know better but at the time it seemed plausible that a letter could arrive at any time saying "No baby for you, one year - maybe never!"

I can laugh about it now that my darling is sleeping in the next room - but honestly the last few months of our wait were an ordeal I hope never to repeat. Every day brought some new humiliation or assault on my emotions - and believe it or not there were many people (not friends - just people I dealt with daily) who had no clue about (well, anything) what we were dealing with and so were insensitive to the point of rudeness. I don't mean the well-meaning or kind-hearted no matter what they said - knowing that they were interested and concerned was helpful. No, it was the ones who would say - "Are you sure you did all the paperwork right? Is there anyway You can expedite this? Hmm.... Doesn't seem like you know much about how this works - since you thought you would have your referral months ago.........." I mean come on - if anyone knows me they know the answers to those questions pretty easily.

We are here and the baby is sleeping.. she is all sideways in her crib under three blankets (she insisted!) with all her menagerie around her. Our nighttime process has gotten progressively more complicated recently. Here it is in steps:

1. Both parents head upstairs whoever has EFP has to 'hide' from the other parent
2. Change diaper and put on pjs, turn on CD player and heartbeat machine, pull shade
3. Drink of water & turn on humidifier Elephant
4. Make sure there are plenty of paceys (6) in the room
5. Get into rocking chair and Read Goodnight Moon
6. Read Goodnight Moon
7. Read Goodnight Moon
8. Read Goodnight Moon
9. Read Goodnight Moon
10. Read Goodnight Moon
10 a. Rock without reading
11. Place child in crib
12. Do you want Sleepy Blankie? Baby nods
13. Baby points to the other blankie hanging on end of crib
14. Do you want other Sleepy Blankie? Baby nods
15. Do you want Lovebug? Baby nods and gets kiss from Lovebug
16. MamaBug? nodding and kiss
17. BabyBug? nodding and kiss
18. Sleepy Teddy? nods and kiss
19. Silly Chicken (which is conveniently under the blankies and has to be found) more nods and kiss - plus two pulls on the chicken for clucking/shaking etc.
20. Daddy says night night My Angel - then leaves
21. Mommy kisses baby a bunch - pats her head, says have a good rest I will see you in the morning and Mommy Loves Baby - Night Night!!

This all takes approx 30 minutes between 7:15 and 7:45 or so each evening. She really gets annoyed if any step is skipped or happens out of order. And - to make matters that much more complicate - Daddy can not do these steps to her satisfaction. I mean of course he does them - she just don't like it! I have to travel for a few days in October - I am already freaking out.

XOXOXOXOXOXOXOXOXOXOXOXO

That's right! Hugs and Kisses! Today EFP gave her Mommy BIG hugs and kisses!! Again and again and again! I think she likes me!! LOL I was laughing so hard - and she just kept hugging and kissing! Maybe she thought it was funny - but I was so happy. I had been near to tears all day. Struggling over the two pressing issues I am dealing with and honestly - though I was looking forward to getting home and seeing my little family, I had no idea what was waiting. My happy dirty baby - she had a great day playing in the playground at her center and was so full of dirt it was in her diapie! But she was soooo happy. She loves playing outside and it was a nice day for it today. But the truth is that her smile was enough - the rest is just icing. I worry so much. I want to leave here and take her somewhere safer. I need to do that - I am just so unsure where that is. or How. How do I do this? But then there are the hugs and kisses... how can I not move heaven and earth for this child. What will it mean... I wish I knew. I just want to deserve all the love she seems to have for me.

How much I love being EFP's Mommy!

Yesterday notwithstanding... I love being her Mommy so very very much! Her teacher admitted today that yesterday was, in fact, a banner bad day for my little cherub. I don't know why she didn't feel like saying that yesterday - but whatever. Today was a new day! EFP woke up happy and stayed happy all day. When I finally got home she was so happy to see me! I made dinner and we actually had a great time at dinner and the fork action continued.. nary a drop on the floor. I tell you I could cry - just thinking about how far she has come in such a short time. Looking at my friend's blog - while she is meeting her baby and having their first days together - brought back all the memories (harking all the way back 6 months, LOL) of how EFP was those first days in the hotel. No teeth, unable to sit, smiling but tentative and clingy. Okay - she did have the same voracious appetite - but she wasn't eating much more than noodles and congee (really mushy) though she liked fruit even then.

Now - I look at my baby. My Baby!!! She is such a wonder. Happy and healthy. Walking with a purpose and climbing with gusto. She is, rightly so, proud of her accomplishments - she practically demands an ovation for each forkful she maneuvers into her mouth - and truth be told I am all too willing to give it if it means no more mushy food all over the place. She has a strong voice and is pretty decided about her likes and dislikes. She still smiles a lot - and she still prefers Mommy to any other living creature - but Daddy will nearly always do. Tonight she decided she would catch as well as throw her ginormous ball and she did. She is making connections all the time and I can see that she has quite the analytical mind already. She accurately pointed to my ladybug socks and then to her ladybug chair. She understands that clouds on TV are like the clouds in her room - and can tell the difference between white puffy clouds and grey rain clouds. She prefers white and puffy!!

I know that this only seems like a miracle to me. All children must seem like miracles to their own parents - but I guess this seemed like a miracle I would never be a part of. Somehow - everyday reveals new wonders and a few steps more along a road that is so much more fun and more joyous than I ever expected to travel. We are so amazed by her everyday. Tonight she wanted extra rocking before she went to sleep. I happily complied and she hugged me tightly and patted me in that now familiar rhythm. I know that in my heart I am saying forever and ever... I hope that is what her heart is saying. That she is home here in my heart forever and ever.

What goes around.............

................Actually ends up making me sick! I am down with bronchitis - though luckily it is a mild case caught early. I knew it was bad when I woke up yesterday with hardly any voice and then this morning sounding like a frog... So I took myself off to the MD for some antibiotics and sure enough... Bronchitis with sinusitis! oh joy! I am hoping to be up and around - I don't actually feel bad - just can't sleep and sound like I am coughing out a lung... yuck!

Miss EFP on the other hand is doing fine. Her little cold seems to have vanished and she is back to health. She is really going gangbusters with her attempt at conversation and has begun earnestly copying me. To night we had a great game of Moo Oink... I said one or the other and she copied me.. only moo sound smore like boo and oink... well sounds more like boink... LOL

I also realized she has been hugging back for a while now. She has always done the pat pat thing - when I rock her or I am holding her she pats my shoulder much like she used to pat my face when we shared a bed for sleeping. Now when I hug her she actually grabs my arms and hugs tighter. Also since DH has been the one to pick her up from daycare she has been so happy when I come home and she realizes it is me. I admit that it lights me up inside when I see her big smiley face when I get home from work. Then the fun starts... dinner. My poor cats!! They see the food being dropped on the floor and they want to eat it - but they rarely like what she drops... then the other night she bonked the one cat on the head with her sippy cup and there was a lot of juice in it. The cat seemed fine - but it was not funny in the least. tonight she seemed a little less interested in flinging - but not for long. She is doing better with her spoon and can really manage to get quite a bit of food into her mouth before she resorts to shoving it in her face like a cavechild!

The other goings on around here are too bizarre for words. I will save the saga of the satellite dish for another time.

Rain Rain GO AWAY!!! No, Seriously get out of here!

Yea - it's been raining for 40 days and 40 nights and I could swear I saw a pair of elephants walking past the kitchen window... ba dump bump.

I am not sure if it is because I really was hoping to have some fun this weekend or if it is because you know who is sniffling... but I am really depressed about the weather. I can not stand when it is grey like this for so long and today was just miserable. But EFP has got some bug... the usual sniffling, coughing, puking. Though - to my credit I knew the puking was gonna happen and suggested giving her clear broth for dinner... and sure enough! Right in the middle of her soup! She does not have a fever though which could be a good thing, right?

We are on day three of Mom-Minivan and so far so good. I was the coolest mom at the daycare line! (NOT) I don't really care about that to be honest - it was my back that really made the difference. The new sliding doors have made my life a little more bearable since there is no bending and all with the van.

Otherwise life goes on here. Today we found out that we will be made an Aunt and Uncle again as our little nephew will have a sib for his birthday... well the due date is near enough anyway. Very exciting news!

Of course the topic of siblings has come up frequently here at the year-round-palace. We know we need to think about it. And we do. Though just now DH says he doesn't think he can love a second child as much as he loves our little Empress. I agree - but then I also know that it is possible to love two children at the same time with your whole heart. So on that score I am clear. I am not as clear as to the logistics. But I feel there is another child somewhere. In my heart I know there is another child. I just wish I didn't feel this pressure for a second before I get any longer in the tooth. Ah - well.

So I finally sat down and wrote my submission for Love with Boundaries new book Love's Journey 2. It's funny - I didn't realize myself all the weird little twists our journey took and how tangled the so-called Red Thread* got in our own journey to EFP. I managed to get pretty much all of it in there - except one. For years my sister and I have had a running joke about roosters. A long time ago - when Miss T was little we were shopping and there was an abundance of those over-the-top French rooster object d'art. I picked a small replica and said to my niece "your mom really likes these and she always wanted one just like this one - why don't you take this one to her!" Well - Miss T toddles over to where my sister is and hands her the offending object and says "Here is the one you always wanted!" and my sister is hard pressed to not laugh out loud at my niece's earnestness. But she tells my niece that she never wanted any such thing and Aunt Sissi is playing a joke. Well niece caught on and ever since it has been a running joke between us. Well - wouldn't you know instead of the Year of the Monkey child I had expected my own darling is a Year of the Rooster!

Well - it was nice to get it all down on paper actually. After I find out if it will make it into the publication I will put an alert here. Love without Boundaries is an amazing organization and I would be very happy to have my little story help in any way to support their good works. SO many children's lives are made better by the medical attention and other loving works they provide to the orphanages in China.




*Chinese legend that has been co-opted by the china adoption community that says "All those destined to be together are bound by a red thread - the thread may tangle and stretch but it will never break."

Just for a few seconds..........

I had a mini-pity party. A blog I read often posted their referral today after missing the cut off by one day last month and they were referred twins!! (See Salsa in China) For a few tiny sleep-deprived seconds I was wishing EFP had been twins. We were approved for twins and although I knew it would be sooooo hard I kind of knew we would want two and twins would have been... well twins! So for the briefest of moments I though - Hey, why didn't we get twins? But as I wiped applesauce off the ceiling and two cats this evening after EFP made several quasi-successful attempts at getting the spoon with applesauce on it into her mouth... I realized I would have given up a while ago of even giving the appearance of maintaining some household order!

Well - perhaps because I would have to have been insane to think I could handle twins! Because I am sort of tired all the time now... not that EFP isn't sleeping she is, but child-rearing is tiring! You are 'on' 100% of the time even while you are supposedly sleeping! I do not think I have had a really "good" night's sleep since we met her. I am not, by any means, complaining. I, tired as I may be, have only known real happiness since the second that little child smiled into my face!!

I suppose this is really due to my growing concern over providing a sibling for her. Ever one to obsess about something - and to move from serious project to serious project - I am now trying to figure out the circumstances under which we will be able to add another child to our little family! How is it I have free-time to be thinking about this? Well - I did it. Tonight I signed the papers for our new car... the MiniVan! We bought a brand spanking new Odyssey EXL Can you believe it? I can't. Weeks of research and dealer shopping, price comparisons and soul searching - do I really want to drive a minivan? Its a done deal. I am picking it up Wednesday. And yes, it is Silver just like I wanted!


Are you wondering how in the world a minivan is at all related to our ideal number of children? Well - if I weren't considering our options for a second child I would not be moving all my Coldplay CDs to the behemoth! Luckily, newbie has a 6-CD Changer so I can still listen to all the Coldplay AND the Philadelphia Chickens!! Yes, the minivan is totally related to our wish for a second child. I just don't know if I am as ready as some of my Moonbeam Sisters who have already signed papers! One is actively paperchasing, another has her LOI off for a waiting child and a whole bunch more are begining the paperchase all over again! I am still trying to get all my post-placement reports matched up with the correct photos!

Besides - I am so in love with my child I am just not ready to contemplate another so quickly. I will know my next child when I see him/her. We are committed to finding our child on a waiting child list. I just know that is how it will happen. I have no idea where in the world - though I suspect it will be either China or the USA, but I really believe we will know his/her face as soon as we see it. Aside from the horrendous wait (now about 14 months from the date the paperwork is logged into China) there are so many unknowns. Most importantly - we believe we are in a good position to offer an amazing opportunity to a child waiting for surgery or in need of something a little extra. You will notice I have been very careful in not saying that our next child will be younger than our current child! I am not sure why - but for some reason I just don't feel like EFP should be the older child - not by very much anyway. I did recently inquire about a child who was 2 weeks younger than EFP, but that child had a family working to adopt her.

I think its just the excitement of referrals and how maternal I feel these days. Both because of EFP and the minivan. Its interesting - I never before felt like this was an inevitability, but it feels so right. Now if I could just get the rest of the scenario to work with me......

So big congrats to this month's referred families..... I am not really wishing for twins... one look at the baby the universe meant for me is enough to convince me, that sometimes (ok, usually) its more than OK that I don't get what I wished for! I don't always have my own best interest at heart! LOL

Vacation.. Had to get away....

We ARE HOME! And not a moment too soon. We had a great time. EFP really liked having the family around and the dogs cracked her up. She liked having a playmate around all the time also. The last few days though were very tough. For some reason known only to her imperial self, she decide sleep was completely superfluous!! She screamed whenever we put her to bed and having her sleep with us was a invite to play! We were NOT AMUSED! It didn't help (at all!) that I felt that her behavior was making me look bad in front of the ILs!!!!!! They were pretty good about it but still - no one wants a screaming baby on vacation... luckily (or not) her cousin Prince R. screamed for a few days... a lot. Toward the end it was clear the EFP was a bit under the weather. Indeed there was puking and it was on Yours Truly of course. So we missed the mini-reunion in New Hampshire. I am sure it pained us more than anyone else. But it was such a long drive home that we decided a stop (even for yummy Italian food and to visit our travel mates) was a bit risky. IN the end it still took us over 10 hours to make it home. Plenty of stops and crying... and EFP wasn't that happy either. LOL I believe we will try to get up that way in late September or early October so a mini-reunion may still work out. We are also going to plan a bigger reunion for our one-year anniversary in February or March. That will be fun. The last six month went so fast I am sure the next will fly as well.

Still it was relaxing and laid back, which after the year we have had was just what the social worker ordered. I should prescribe family vacations more often!

Unfortunately - I am still trying to figure out how to email me the picture of the moose I took with my phone camera - since I was foolish enough to leave the camera at home when we went moose watching and FINALLY saw a moose on this trip. In the past we have seen tons of moose but the whole Rangeley area has seen a real boom in building and we fear the moose have gone deeper into the wilderness. It remains to be seen.

We spent a lot of time in the pool. The less said about that the better I think. I do love my new shoes..... I can wear them in the pool too.....

We had a lot of good food and great times. I also regained my title as 500 Rummy Champion from Toenail which really wasn't that hard considering the current score is 3,999 wins for me and 1 for him... LOL

DH played a lot of golf, drank some beer, swam in the lake and worked out in a place where the view is unmatched, sunned, snacked, napped and lounged. All in all a great time had by the whole family.

A few holiday snaps for your viewing pleasure!

The Empress is careful with her eyesite!

She dines promptly at 6pm whether home or out!
Here she is sampling the finest pub fare at the Rangeley Inn Pub!

Yes - this is the pool we spent most of our vacation in. If you are laughing because there is a GIGANTIC LAKE 100 feet away - laugh on!! Rangeley Lake is over 100' deep in spots and COLD! (well too cold for me - DH likes to swim in it!)

If doggie can hang under the table so can EFP! Here she is with Princess Nala! Princess Leia is near and their cousin MacCallan (Actually Leia's half-sister) is also nearby!

My two fishies!! Love Love Love the Fishies!

My lovely new shoes and where I spent a lot of time... staring at the lake!

My girlie loves the noodles! She had a blast the whole time!

Yes, that is my foot in my brand new crocs!

Sunset over the lake!
It's quite a sight and the meteor shower is breathtaking from this vantage point!

Referral Day!! Woo Hoo!!

Finally some long-suffering and anxious parents are seeing BABIES today!! Most notably AMY & DARRIN who are friends in real-life and who we could not be happier for. It will be very interesting to see whether their new Adorable Baby is a Scorpio or not... they are being curiously quiet about her birthday..... LOL I actually cried when I saw that their referral had finally arrived.

In cyber life there are so many people, for example Naked Ovary - who I know waited with pain these last months... they, as we, expected a 6 month referral and for those who were made happy today the wait had crept up to 13 months. That is sad. And HARD! I was a basket case by the time we got ours and it was only 9 months! But we are so happy now... and grateful.

Unless you have BTDT you can't imagine what a humbling experience it is to be given a child to raise.... my own feelings of gratitude increase daily. The more I know and love EFP the more I am humbled by the incredible gift of her life. How much I owe the Chinese Government for entrusting her to my care. Today when I was finally able to find out whether my friends had indeed received referrals - I was thinking back to those last anxious days before we saw our daughter for the first time. Would she be healthy? Would she be happy (eventually) to have us for parents? Would everything be ok? Will I be a good mother? Can we really do this? Of course by then it was really too late to have those questions... and once we saw her little face it was all over for both of us. I hear that some folks don't fall in love at first sight of the referral picture. I did - but I admit I had some small part reserved just in case there was a problem or they (meaning the governments) realized they had made a mistake in referring us an utterly gorgeous (and clearly smart and talented!) baby and switched her for another.......... (OK- I was delirious remember!!!) so I did keep some part separate - the part I reserved for that other precious moment when that beautiful child was handed to me with the words "This is your Mama!" I certainly am that... and from that second on I have been utterly lost. DH also has no reservations in his love for his baby.

So today - the joy is being spread all over the world as new parents get this first site of the face they will come to know better than their own... I am sharing in the happiness..... because my own happiness came that way also!!

CONGRATULATIONS TO ALL WHO RECEIVED REFERRALS TODAY! IT IS AN AMAZING DAY FOR SURE!

When is a car alarm not...................

HELPFUL?? When it totally eliminates the possibility of actually driving the car!!!

This is not a trick post. Today my car alarm actually prevented ME from driving the car. I am still not exactly sure what happened - but when I left the shower event the car was completely dead and although it's possible that the dead battery from leaving the lights on is partly responsible somehow the alarm engaged and refused to let go! So my car is, as we speak, at the service station awaiting repair. I am hoping that the alarm actually gets disconnected and we are through with it. Now - this might have happened on the really hottest day of the year - but I am not sure since if it got any hotter I would be in h*ll! Not to mention I was all the way out somewhere well past what I consider normal LI. I am uber-lucky though because I was not alone and the Fabby Valerie was kind enough to haul me, my baby, and a considerable amount of baby crapola home so I didn't have to hitchhike in 150 degree weather with the world's MOST expensive baby carseat in tow! We did fine and I am aware of exactly how blessed I am. Not just because I have friends and friend's husbands (Rebecca's DH tried really hard to get the alarm to disarm even enlisting some of HIS friends... alas the alarm proved to tricky) So here we are all safe and sound, and aware that even when annoying things happen they are made less annoying when we have people we love - who love us back!!

So while I was expecting a hard day with lots to do and a tight schedule - it just goes to show you that you can only plan so much. EFP was an absolute darling today and had a great time at the baby shower. How could she not be with a ton of honorary Aunties and her absolute fav sitter around to cater to her every whim... she even had a cup full of punch (non-alcoholic of course) alas she slept through the cake! But we all had a great time and love that the Mom being showered had, apparently, no clue she was to be sprinkled on! YAY!!!

I was sorry to miss our other engagement this evening our Waiting Families get together. Unfortunately by the time AAA got to us it was well past five and we were still way out east. We got home close to 7 and EFP still needed dinner... so we were forced to abandon our plan to attend. I doubt we were missed as there were plenty of newly home babies to welcome and if anyone were worried about catching something from EFP - at least our absence alleviated those fears.

When I arrived home and we straightened everything out - got EFP fed and cleaned up DH revealed he had a surprise!! He presented me with a beautiful card that says he is happy with our life and that he never thought he would be this happy (of course H@llm@rk said it more eloquently) and that he loves me even more now than 12 years ago... we had our first date on this day!! So it was an anniversary of sorts. Funny - we had our first date on his youngest sister's birthday (which was also my grandmother's birthday) and she got married on my birthday - so we both have no reason to forget either date! Well - I may not have had a chance to get to the card store - but he should know that I say basically the same thank you every single day.