Tuesday, April 01, 2008

Home Sweet Home!

Emerging from the darkness that is the return to reality - only a new reality as we try to adjust to being 4 instead of 3! One wouldn't think that 38" and 38 lbs could make such a big deal in a family - but I beg to differ. We have semi-adjusted to the time and jet lag has been a little worse this time... two small kids off kilter will do that. I am thankful my sister and niece were able to swing down for a short, but oh, so helpful, visit to help with kid-wrangling and other important chores. The two kids of mine are not settling into each other as well as I had hoped - but no more so than I expected. They are distinctly different souls and whereas the one has confidence in our catering to her every need - the other is so passively self-sufficient that we end up having to be watchful a lot of the time. Introducing a sibling is stressful for every family - and ours with its Topsy-turvy out-of-birth-order addition is no different. Luckily for us (but maybe not for him) our EBB is so small and somewhat behind in development that he really does seem more like a toddler himself and while that can cause other types of headaches - at least we aren't over-expecting from his capabilities. EFP is really a sweetie at heart so this current mean-streak is just temporary and formed from a difficult journey and the sudden (to her at least) addition of this "brudder" to her family. As I have mentioned she has never wavered in her commitment to renounce a brudder in favor of a small coterie of farm animals. Daily she renamed ALL the animals that were required and daily she decided ALL were more necessary than "brudder" she also had good company - since the other 3 year-olds we traveled with were also less than enthused about their siblings - even the younger and adorable ones! So in that at least she is not alone!

I am in a confused state. Given how much I wanted to adopt again my current state is curious. I find it hard to warm to this new child - in part because I think his very boyishness is just too jarring for me at this point. His screaming constantly at the two furry inhabitants first out of fear and surprise - and now in a bid to get rid of them - has not been fun for any of us. The kitties least of all. I can honestly say I love him - but all the other stuff will take some time. I suppose it is also that he gravitated toward DH and not me and while I am happy for them - they do seem to be kindred spirits - it is perhaps hard on a Mommy not be first with the new kid!

I will get over myself and have already identified some great characteristics in our new son: he has a quick sense of humor, he really does remind me of my DH (both annoying and endearing actually!), he does seem MUCH neater than the other people who live around here, and he is pretty bright - only needs to see something once to get the hang of it. While I think it may take some time - and work on my part - he really is a little charmer. His speech is much better than we expected and although at the moment he mimics rather than speaks of his own volition, he does seem ready to take off. Our new plan includes getting him into school ASAP. I will have to battle the school district but will do so because anyone who saw him would know he barely belongs in K - let alone 1st or 2nd grades. I do think it is important because I suspect he is lonely without other kids and the routine I think will help him adjust better. Perhaps the sense of normal - I don't know. I really don't but this seems to be the direction we are headed in. After we get his medicals underway... I know I owe LONG posts and pictures... and I will catch you all up on both... but for now this is how we stand!!

10 comments:

Carrie&Aaron said...

we have been home 12 days with our 7 year old. She has been in school 3 days now! we put her right in and it helped myself get back into my own grove! she too loved Baba not so much Mama-but things are coming along since Mama cooks and buys nice things for little girls! it will take time-still is taking time here but everyday she is warming up to me! good luck!

Tracy said...

A brother brought out a mean streak in Amelia also (and he was only 8.5 months old at adoption). I hate to say that although it has gotten better, a year later it's still there:( It took us a full 6 months to get really into a GOOD groove and enjoy having two kids. So don't feel bad if it doesn't happen right away (it only took about 3-4 weeks with Amelia). You will be amazed (I am sure it will be the same) at how much they play together once they adjust to each other....I now wonder what in the world Amelia did with her day when she didn't have a constant playmate.

Good luck and congrats on making it home:)

Tracy and Amelia Rae
fellow Moonbeam

MomEtc. said...

The way you describe how EBB took to your DH was exactly what happened with our Little Guy and DH! It does feel kind of weird for the mom.

I told Pippi "EFP is home with her big brother" and she said "I wanna go see them!"

Glad to hear you guys are settling in!

Kelley said...

It sounds to me that you really have a handle on things; and while it must be hard to be second fiddle to Dad, you seem to be very understanding of your little guy. I am hoping that the schools won't fight you...if they do, it's a fight worth fighting. He should be in kindergarten due to his size and situation. Hopefully they'll make the right choice, and you'll get the right teacher. If not, I'll take him! Move near me! (I only have 14 in my kindergarten class, and we'd just love to have him!)

I've loved seeing your pictures during the journey, and I'm glad you made it safely home!

LaLa said...

Welcome home! I know the adjustment must be hard for all of you. Annslee preferred Daddy in China and for a few months home and it was hard : (

Hang in there~ I know things will get better and you guys will be in a groove soon : )

Pamster said...

Welcome home! Glad you survived HK. We're still fnding our way with our new baby brudder. Jealously is always there under the surface even when A. is playing nicely. We'll all adjust over time. Gladd EBB has found a kindred soul in your DH.

Beverly said...

it is good to recognize the slow warming process. But I will say that screaming would drive me batty too!! Oh and the very boyishness would too.

Beverly

Frank, Allyson, & Molly said...

I have enjoyed seeing your journey and am so glad you made it home safely. Molly loves to look at your photos.

You will get in the swing of things soon enough. Although he is small, I am sure your school district will do everything to accommodate him.

Keep us posted.

Allyson!
Frank and Molly too

chad-roscoe said...

ah, the joy of boys! this is whay americans all want girls!
seriously though, he is adorable and i think you are amazing to be able to step back and evaluate your needs and his so soon.
i agree you have seriouls cute kids too.
btw, at 43 i wouls still trade up my siblings for farm animals!
xx~
Di

Monica said...

It (bonding/attachment/adjusting into the family) certainly takes longer with an older child than it does with a baby. It is a longer, bumpier, SLOWER road...but every bit as rewarding in the end.

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