In like a lion - out like a Pig!!

Gong Xi Fa Cai! Happy New Year and Welcome Year of the Pig - FCC Style! We had a fabulous day Sunday welcoming in the Year of the Pig (or boar) and although I didn't get to sit much - enjoyed watching so many families celebrate their good fortune in becoming part of this community! What exuberance and joviality! I didn't get to take a lot of pictures but here is the jist of a highlight or two! Oh, and I won two raffles one for me and more for EFP... though technically I suppose they are really both for her! One was a generous gift cert for the Amazing Lori & Veronica's A family's Heart and the other an adorable stuffed "Neigh Neigh" for EFP. We saw bunches of friends.. again didn't get to hang much but it was nice seeing everyone for sure. We were ALL totally blown away by the Lion Dancers headed by some of Stony Brook University's students and our volunteers from the same - were just super!! All in all a very good day!

Last year at this time - we missed the party because we were in China and so did not get a chance to be part of the party. Well - this year certainly made up for it! We adored seeing our darling absolutely delighted with the Lion and not the least afraid of the loud drums.. and well we know my baby can eat and boy did she!! Noodles AND dumplings!! I can only hope that 4074/4075 will be as good to us as 4073/4074 were! Zai Jian!

Total Eclipse..... (Last in the Series)

First Total Lunar Eclipse in Three Years
March 3, 2007

And you thought I was talking about how my EFP totally eclipsed our life!!!??? Well - yes! One year ago today we returned home with our 19.5lb Spicy Girl from JiangXi! Never have I been so happy to be home as I was this time last year. I was sad to leave China but really happy to get home to my creature comforts and begin the process of becoming a family of three. It didn't happy right away - we had jet lag and sleep issues to get over but it DID happen. And this whole year has flown by so quickly. Tonight I had to open the suitcase that we purchased in GuangZhou to get one of the Chinese outfits we purchased for EFP to wear tomorrow at the big FCC-LI Chinese Lunar New Year celebration and it brought back such memories - just looking at the items. I did not buy enough. Thank goodness we are going back (some time in the next 3 years) so I can buy all the stuff I did not buy last time. More pearls, more jade, more clothes, more more. Less squeaky shoes! They really are annoying after a few hours!

Seriously - EFP is amazing, more each day. She is my heart's darling and such a fun little girl. She sings all the time, shaping up to be a great dancer and already has a fabulous sense of humor. Aside from being incredibly sweet and all, she really is charmer.

I can't write more - have to be up pre-crack o'dawn. More later with pics!

Big Decision

Well - we have decided to just wait wait wait. We had thought, indeed we had already discussed, that our next child would be a Waiting Child (WC) or Special Needs Child (SN) from China. Our agency's list came out and we did see two children we felt we would love to have as our family - but a small nagging little voice kept saying... it is too soon to add a child to our family. Even at one year (the possible time line for a WC) I just don't feel that EFP is ready to be a sibling to a big or a little. I know that kids get sibs sometimes within a year or two - but she is just really at the point where she accepts us totally and completely as her family. We are, on some level, the only parents she knows or remembers at this time. I can't imagine - given her propensity to cling and be really needy at times - how she would react with a child who needed my attention and invaded her space to some extent.

I am saddened on another level because I really like the idea of parenting a WC/SN who may not otherwise have a chance at a family. But I keep trying to remember that the timeline is not of my making - I was rushed to make the leap again and honestly at times I feel all the weight of this decision on our life, pocketbook and heart. While I know that we very much want a second child and I know there will be room (in our hearts and home) for a second - at this moment I truly feel that EFP needs all our attention and love just for herself for a while longer and I need more experience as a Mom before I can do this again.

There is so much about being a Mom that you just can't know until it happens - no way to prepare for the way your whole body reacts when the phone rings and it's the daycare calling. Or when you hear something unusual and in your mind your child is in some dire straits that you can only barely imagine. I don't know that this ever goes away - though I hear that at some point you do get to sleep through the night without interruptions by night terrors or erupting molars/canines! In short I am just not ready to contemplate another child. Of course I have also had my heart broken recently over a child and so it may be that I need to have some time to deal with how that has effected my willingness to embrace another child. I know that 2 years (maybe three!) will allow us the time we need to resolve some of this and be those anxiously waiting parents we have in us!! We really felt that this new list would be our last chance - as our agency will not allow us to switch after our Dossier has been logged in for six months. I have to say there were quite a few children who we would have liked to wait for.. and I already know that both of them are being considered by more than one family so they will be united with forever families!!

So with that in mind we are preparing to be DTC early in March and wait the long wait... I am thinking that we may not see a referral until early in 2010! Can you imagine? But if things continue at the present pace of 1/2 a month of Dossiers being referred each month - well I can (and do!) do the math and that is when our referral should arrive. Another plus is that my darling would be nearly ready for Kindergarten by 2010 and so we will reduce the number of months that we will have two in daycare - yay! So here's to the long wait and keeping our minds off of it!

This just in!!!

Our 171H will arrive Shortly! Probably Monday or Tuesday! Woo Hoo!! I would snoopy dance - but I will save that for the actual arrival!!! I spoke with USCIS this morning during the allotted call-in period and that is what I was told by the very kind person who answered. I even was grated a return call when the answer turned out not the be that simple!

Our dossier is being certified and authenticated as we speak and now we wait for this one piece of paper and then it is DTC baby!! :-)

One Year Ago Today.... (Part III of a Multipart Series)

First site of EFP with Nanny

EFP is our baby!

February 20, 2007 - One year to the day!
Happy Forever Family Day my Little Love!!

One BIG year ago today – the center of my universe changed. I went from being consumed by the adoption of a child to the MOTHER of THIS CHILD! It was and is the best day of my life save, perhaps, the day I married my DH. In true Snoopy fashion here goes!

It was a dark and stormy day.. No, it really was. The weather was terrible in NanChang the provincial capital of JiangXi in the People’s Republic of China. But we braved the vertical rain and 30 degree weather to reach the Civil Affairs Office for our first site of EFP. Suddenly – there she was sitting in the lap of one of the Nannies. She looked exactly the same as her referral picture and so healthy – rosy cheeks (from the 10 layers of clothes she was wearing) and bright eyes. I recognized her immediately and started to cry – when I realized I should not cry I should take pictures. I did.

I can’t really describe the moment when they called our name and after checking our passports, handed our baby to us. OUR BABY! After all those months and months of agonizing doubt and self criticism. Feeling guilty for past mistakes or different choices and what did it matter in that moment – not a bit. EFP looked up at me, patted my face, smiled and then pushed her 19.5 lbs self onto me and snuggled right. I wanted to kiss and hug her…run away from the office and have her all to myself to tell her all the things I had saved up to tell my daughter.... but I settled for dangling the (magic!) plastic keys in front of her and she busied herself ripping my name tag to shreds. We were quickly all holding babies and cameras and juggling things mightily when it was time to get back on the bus again. I think we had returned to our hotel room and then went for lunch where I FINALLY got to feed a baby (MY BABY!) a meal of sorts. Back in our room I uncovered her many layers a little at a time to expose one limb at a time and checked her all out. Perfect right down to the large blue spot on her upper buttock! It was not long before we were hanging and laughing with our silly baby and it was clear that she was fine with us. We returned to the Civil Affairs office and completed the paperwork and just like that (HA!) we were parents to one beautiful healthy happy baby girl!

These last 12 months have been incredible. How do you explain such an utter transformation? I can only say that all the months of being tired, anxious, afraid and sort of being dazed, I am happy to say not only do I still think that we got the best baby ever – I know we did! I know that we have never regretted for one second our decision to adopt from China and that February 20th is my favorite day – because it is the day I was made into EFP’s Mommy. Every day I wake up thankful that this day came and today I am especially grateful that she is my daughter. We spent this last weekend with our travel group and I suspect that similar thoughts are racing through those parents’ heads as well. We are all convinced we were somehow given the best baby. (But I really was!) We are all who we are today because sometime ago we made the decision to take a leap of faith and put our hopes and dreams into the hands of some civil servants in a far away land. Thank you – whoever you all are. Thank you! We are so blessed by this little girl and her little China-Cousins. My heart is just overflowing with love for my family and for our friends all around us celebrating our families.

One year ago – my entire universe changed and now a nearly two-year old baby girl rules my heart and my home. Thank God!

Worth the Wait!

Happy Valentine's Day!

One year ago tonight I was anxiously packing and so excited I could not sleep. We were preparing to leave for China for our grand adventure! I was so aprehensive and yet so happy to be leaving, finally!

This is worth the wait in every respect!

Can you believe the Ladybugs*? I know that EFP had help in selecting and acquiring this - and I am so impressed with DH! Especially since the weather derailed my little surprise. Luckily I will have an opportunity to make it up to him. The card, plus the gorgeous pink roses, is more than I really needed to tell me what a lucky Mommy & DW I am!

*How freaky is it that the bugs kinda look like me and EFP?

Live from New York it's.......... EFP!!

Moments ago I captured the essence of EFP! This is what she looks like seconds before bed... after chasing Mommy and Daddy around the house for a little while and before the rocking, singing, book reading and other pre-tuck-her-in activities. I actually asked her to let me take her picture and say "Cheese" which she is obviously happy to do! She did think to ask her trusty assistant (DAD) to hold her pacey "baby ready for her close up!" IS she the sweetest or what!

Styling: Mommy

Dress: Lands End (18 mos - still too big!)

Pants: Baby Gap (also 18 mos - swimming on her)

Tude: All hers!!!!!

My Daughter is making me sick.......

...............well - the germy kind of sick anyway! I have yet another serious sinus infection that has turned to bronchitis. It seems (does it sound better if I tell you this is what the MD said?) that whatever my daughter brings home from her glorious (creamy clouds) daycare goes right to me and my compromised immune system and settles in my beleagured lungs and tries to kill me - slowly and painfully.

Seriously - I am at my wits end with this. I can not live on antibiotics - and I can't keep taking days off work being sick - since I need those sick days for when she is sick.. if that makes any sense at all. Probably not. There doesn't seem to be anything I can do - except find a way to make my own immune system stronger... hmm vitamins and working out perhaps. We'll see.

So the cat is out of the bag!! DH's Mom turned 70 (today) but the surprise party was last Saturday and by all accounts she was surprised all right. It was a great evening - as evidenced by my fancy face darling! She is eating her favorite party food.... cheese and crackers (PLEEEEZ) and having a grand time. I, on the other hand was sick as the proverbial dog and stayed as much out of the way until I could safely leave. I did cook up a storm - but thanks to Auntie Ren - I was not on my own doing it. Everything is so much more fun with a friend to share it with. So we braved on through the weekend and ten tons of ziti and sausage and peppers (and if I don't say so myself, I whale on these things.. Momma taught me good cookin!) was apparently enjoyed by all. It was a very nice party and everyone had a very nice time.

Now we are just waiting for our fingerprint appointment on Friday. Before the week is out I have to pedex everything to our consultant to check and then all the paperwork will be certified, authenticated and certified at the consulate. We will only be waiting for that last document the 171H from USCIS in order to be on our way. I hear it might take 4 weeks to get that last document. It is frustrating but we are calm anyway. I am also anxiously waiting for a new waiting child list our agency is eagerly anticipating. If we look (we have prelim application on file and will get to view and petition first) and see our child - well we will be that much closer to being a family of 4. We are also waiting for our FP for our domestic situation. So this is where we are! Not too shabby actually!

Luv You, Mommy!

***LATE BREAKING UPDATE***

***WE FINALLY recieved our Finger Print Appointment - February 9th!!! ***

There are real fat tears running down my face... as I write this. My precious darling has said those words... for the first time tonight! We always say night night, love you baby - before we close her door and tonight as I was leaving she said "Night Night, Love You Mommy!"



AAAWWW!



I was called at about 12:30 today to come collect her - as she had vomited all over one of the other kids... (and that's frowned upon?) so we had an afternoon together. She stayed awake a bit - then really needed to sleep. I suppose she has one of those viruses again. No other real symptoms though. I could tell she was happy to see me when I arrived to pick her up. It is a relief actually that she is so happy to see me - even when she is feeling poorly. I hear we have some snow in the forecast... great! I have class tomorrow, work piling up and a sick kid. Does the FUN ever end? There are times I wish there were more hours in the day, more money in my wallet, fewer lbs on my butt and less housework to complain about... LOL At the end of the day though - it's all about the Love You Mommys!

Because THEY said so that's why!

We are just swamped at the moment. Our road to DD/DS #2 is not going as smoothly as we'd hoped. Everything is, as usual, done. We are waiting for the United States Citizenship and Immigration Services (also called USCIS) to process our I600A Application for Advance Processing of an Orphan Petition (no seriously that is what the form is called!) and we have hit a real bump. The USCIS has apparently received a flood (avalanche, landslide, large pile) of requests for Advance Processing of Orphan Petitions for GUESS WHICH COUNTRY!!!?? Give up... rhymes with SCHMINA! Oh, AND rhymes with SCHWATAMALA! See a pattern here!?

I can't really speak to the Guatemala problem - except that it seems likely that the Hague Treaty will finally be ratified here in the USA and then unless Guat. complies that Americans will be barred from adopting from there for the foreseeable future. Hence, the rush to get papers in before the ratification closes this extremely popular program.

It is not really different for China - it's those of us who were waiting in the lobby - trying to make up our minds, or wait till our children were a little tiny bit older, or wait till we had unpacked from our last trip, saved more money to pay for a second,.... and on and on, and suddenly the door to seems to be closing in our faces before we even had time to make the decision. I am not, by any means, the only one (well that was obvious wasn't it) the room is apparently quite crowded. And the door is about to not just close but, slam shut.

We filed our form (with 1/2 inch of paperwork in supporting documentation) and so did many many others and now we are waiting - and the US Gov. is estimating that our processing time will be 11 weeks and we will miss the cut off. If this is true I have no idea what the likelihood of our being accepted by China after May 1, 2007 could be. I am not really upset - not yet anyway - I guess there is still an optimist somewhere in me that says this will happen. That we will not be shut out completely. Now that we have started - not to mention invested time and money - I want another child. I don't mind waiting - but I would like to know that there will be another so I can focus on the one we have.

On the domestic front - the bullet we dodged in having our China HS dated 1/9/07 and on its way to USCIS on 1/10/07 means we did not have to worry about getting FBI fingerprints BEFORE our HS is certified and complete. The law in NY changed effective 1/11/07 and there are a ton of International parents caught between a rock and a (really FBI) hard place. It can take the FBI 12 weeks to process these requests. No HS - No USCIS, it's all really tough. Well - the bullet is still ricocheting around and bit us in our Domestic butt. Our foster care license can't be processed until we (Did you see this one coming?) get our fingerprints done by FBI!! So I wrote to our caseworker to find out if they would accept our 171H as proof of our FBI check having been completed and approved. We are waiting to see what she says.

Dumplings, Three tagged me so here goes: Six weird things about me

1. I don't like (I mean really don't like) when food boxes aren't opened properly. I like the boxes to be neat and not all torn (which can also make things inside the box stale).

2. When I misplace something I can not do anything else until I have found it - including sleep or eat. I should just misplace everything.......

3. I buy three different toothpastes every time. One is for the Empress, but the other two are for me and DH. I can not share toothpaste with my DH. HE is a squisher, cap leaver-offer, dry-crusty-paste-leaving-in-the sink sort and I am decidedly not. He is also a minty-fresh and I am a cinnamon or vanilla mint (but only if I can not find cinnamon).

4. I have a pile of books near my bed and I am usually reading all of them at the same time. Same for mags, and a few periodicals.

5. I can not sleep or actually do anything without lip balm nearby. I seem to have perennially chapped lips and must have balm or lipstick on and available to reapply all the time. I have been known to get out of bed and go downstairs to restock. I also can not retire for the evening without a bottle of a particular brand of spring water (Schmoland Schpring). There is actually a really funny story about this that has to do with almost costing me my graduate degree! Someday I will write it up.

6. I do not like to drive my car without my little seat belt adjuster. I am short (5') and the seat belt chokes me if I do not use one. My old one broke and so far the replacements have fallen short of my expectations... I use them because I must - but it is cramping my Super Mom Mini Van-ness to have to use the substitutes until I find the right ones.

If you are reading this AND you blog.. consider yourself tagged!! BTW Dumpling's Mom - I totally would have put your second item: Sleep all day and stay up all night - but I do not consider that weird!! LOL

Why I am happy to be waiting again..........

10. Because waiting to meet my next child is simply the most amazing place to dream, plan and speculate.

9. So I have another reason to attend Waiting Family Meetings - cuz I am waiting!

8. Because kids are like potato chips - you can't just have one... (Okay you can have just one! That is ok also!)

7. OOH - More shopping!

6. Because now everything is doubled.. the wait, the times you have to apply for your 171H, the wait!

5. Because I know that at the end of all this one more amazing child will be here with us - with a Mommy and Daddy all his/her own!

4. Did I mention there would be shopping?

3. Because anything worth doing once is certainly worth doing again... and just as well!

2. This time we will be surprised when we are told we have a daughter/son!

1. Because of all the things I have ever done or ever been called - MOMMY is the BEST OF ALL!!!

On a side note - someone I love very much could use some prayers. Please say a prayer for my friend that she regains her usual strength and optimism. Friend, I love you and I will continue to pray and believe.

Can I get some faith?

In a rather stunning departure from our regularly scheduled program - I am asking, no begging for someone to tell me how to get the faith. Pedex does believe our package was delivered and that we will have proof eventually. Meanwhile I can not find out for certain till next week. I sent our home study out anyway and hopefully they receive them both and put them together.

Where I am missing the faith is - that I often feel this was a rash decision on my part. With DHs help of course. We are just about where we need to be in order to pay for this adventure (knowing that we have a long wait helps - but there is a big chunk to be put away for the trip and last bit of expenses and thankfully we have a plan - it's almost like the IRS knows this will happen the tax credit for one pays for the next....) but there are a few gaps and a few gasps. If the time to referral should speed up - we would be in big trouble. How could we afford two in daycare. I suppose we would have to find someone who would sit the kids here or a family situation. I get worried about that - almost panicky - in the reverse of how it was last time. Last time I felt our referral could not come soon enough and with this one - well. 2 years would be ideal, closer to three even better. Though of course my heart is ready now. Our finances are not ready - but our hearts are.

So how do I reach out to believe that this will all work out? That this decision to leap WAS in fact a leap of faith and not a leap into financial ruin for all four of us. I wish I had that sustaining belief that nothing happens without a reason, I have been known to believe that. I do in a way.. and I know that last time it all worked out beautifully. I couldn't ask for a better baby. We are so happy that she is here. It is so hard to be worried that whatever decision I make - sibling or no sibling will not be the right one, yet I feel that in spite of how hard it is going to be to afford - we really need to do this. Oh wow.

Then there are the new regulations about adopting from China. I mean who am I to argue with a whole country. Should I have taken the hint that we would be excluded under the new rules to mean that we should not be trying for a second child? Or was it meant to do what we ultimately chose - to go ahead and pursue our second adoption. I honestly can't say for sure. I just hope that if I keep praying to the universe that all will be well - that it will in face be well. That the money will be there when we need it, that this child will be in our family, that the daycare situation will be ok and that EFP will be happy to be a big sister.


Cute baby stuff ahead: She has started yelling "Mommy" just to see if I will answer!! I love that!!

When it absolutely, positively, has to be there in the morning!!

DON'T depend on PEDEX!!! I am flipping mad at the moment because our precious I600A application is lying on the floor of some smelly delivery van (IF its not lost completely!!) and we are supposed to hope it gets there expedited tomorrow AM. I suppose I am unreasonable at being so mad about this because frankly this is the first snag and it may prove to be a small one - if everything gets where it needs to go tomorrow. Meanwhile someone is checking into the possibility of our being expedited through the fingerprint process and now I am going to look a little silly if they make the call before my paperwork is even there! UGH!

In the meantime - the last other docs we need came today (Good Conduct) and we are hoping to see our notarized HS shortly. So the setback by our overnight fiasco is hopefully going to resolve tomorrow. I am so anxious to get our paperwork out the door at this point.

Meanwhile - EFP is still pretty sick and DH sounds pretty goopy as well. So the two of them have been housebound. I am going nuts because nothing is getting done around here. I mean I am shopping, cooking, medicating, checking and arranging but the plastic stuff is all over the place. Her speech has improved tremendously of late. She is positively chatty!! And I can understand her much of the time these days - though she is still doing that fabulous baby babbling thing where she carries on her side of a fairly intense conversation but not one word is (currently) unintelligible to her Mommy and Daddy. We just nod a lot and say "Oh, really!? That is interesting."

I can't post more because I have to go set up the crockpot for the fabulous chicken and potatoes I am making tomorrow. Wish us luck with the Chicken and the overnight people.

Oh, the weather outside is.... What? 70°

Yes, it has been unseasonably warm around here lately. When I think of what the weather was like this time last year, how we lived in fear of the big blizzard that would delay our flight to China.. yikes! Now, it is so warm that germs that should be annihilated are hanging around with unfettered access to our poor defenseless immune systems. Isn't this a lot nicer than saying that both EFP and I are sick again!!?? I knew I was sick again and yesterday I suspected that she was also and today it was confirmed. I am almost positive she has a sinus and ear infection. We had a rather enjoyable day yesterday at Auntie Ren's and EFP was in her glory... how not? She was the center of attention and decided to go and get herself an Italian Noni! Auntie Ren's obliging (oh and indulging) Mom has become the person of the week! EFP just adores her. Come to think of it - whats not to adore! My favorite friend and her Mom who is a dynamite cook and baker!! Yum - we got to go home with Banana Bread AND Pesto! Well EFP seemed OK yesterday except for a little cough at nap time - but by 2 am I could tell there was a brewing problem and sure enough - the fever, the pukes, the whining.. and the late afternoon nap all clear indications we are in sick baby mode again. DH has already been nominated to stay home and take her to the MD where we will once again be given useless meds and a few anxious days.

I give up. We are progressing on other fronts. Seems our Homestudy is complete. I am waiting for the final final version and then it needs to be notarized and then I can send it off to USCIS to get our fingerprint appointment. We are looking pretty good timeline wise - but unlike last time, this time there can be no ramped up countdown to referral. Things are so volatile in this arena. This time, however, I am fully prepared to wait and frankly, the longer the better. This is not a popular sentiment and I completely understand there will be lots of people who can not see it this way - just as I could not when we were on the agonizingly long wait for EFP. It will be best for us if there are at least 2 years to wait. I can live with that - live with the knowledge that we will most surely be granted a second child and our family will not have to go bankrupt to pay for 2 in full time daycare. I also have still some hope that our bid to become foster parents may bring us a child also. For obvious reasons the less said about that the better - but it is something we have been preparing for. It has always been my intention to foster children and knowing that only some would be available to be adopted we would still like to help out. Somehow this will all be fine in the end. I have been feeling totally different about the whole process this time - a little more relaxed and yet still anxious a bit. It seems the HS has gotten a little more rigid this time around and there are a few more steps to take. Again we have been fortunate that our agency is willing to work with us and allowed the work that we had already done for our Foster Care License to be acceptable. Honestly - I enjoyed the classes but if I had had to sit through one more repeat I think my head would have burst open.

Now is the hardest part -allowing all this hard work to be placed in someone else's hands and having almost no control over it. We wait for other entities (mostly governmental) to do their part and in the words of the late great Tennessee Williams "We depend on the kindness of strangers!" I know we were incredibly lucky last time that our papers turned around so quickly. I hope so again just for peace of mind sake. I am revising our letter to USCIS to make sure they understand that we really need to be granted a quick fingerprint appointment and I am not above sending a picture of the child they helped us bring home last time! That should do it - if my usual eloquence fails to.

This adorable blanket was purchased from two dear friends who have decided to leap into the fray of the business world with just the cutest things ever! Aside from that the quality of the items as well as the cute factor make this one of our favorite shops! As they say - shop early and shop often! Here is the site A family's Heart

Goodbye 2006!

Talk about a basket of Cheer!

Tonight we said goodbye to our happiest year yet! The year our little family expanded to include so much joy! Our little bundle decided she too wanted to ring in the New Year and was up way past midnight. We are not sure why she couldn't sleep tonight of all nights - but it was OK by us. We made the rare exception and our darling danced in the New Year. 2007 bodes well for our family. It is true that we stand to wait a lot longer for our second child, but that is OK. Our first is so loving and loved that we are more than happy spending lots of time being her devoted parents.

Tonight she was in fine form - and EFP-A-GO-GO was back! Dancing on the ceiling, eating chips and spinach dip and in her most surprising turn yet......... herring in cream sauce! Don't ask - but for whatever reason it is a tradition to eat that just before midnight - and we always have. All in all - there is nothing I like better than staying in with my honey and my baby and tonight there was more than enough love to go around. I know that when our family is really complete it will be more sweet - but I am not sure I can be any happier than I am right now!

We wish everyone a VERY HAPPY AND HEALTHY NEW YEAR!!!
May all your dreams come true and every wish be granted!!

Santa Claus is coming to town......

You better not cry... you better not pout - so far so good!!

Okay. Maybe Pouting is acceptable..........
(is this not the saddest face in the universe?)

Full out hysteria is also an appropriate reaction!

Today we had the obligatory Santa visits the daycare. So our daycare Creamy Clouds was visited by the big man himself with two actual elfs! The event was just as loud and hot as you can imagine and my own bébe was just as hysterical as the next. The toddlers were just not that into Santa. Not really a surprise - since the last time we attempted Santa - it was a full-blown NO-GO. Oh Well - its a good thing Santa comes late at night while we are all sleeping and therefor no hysterics are needed!

[Total non-sequitur: I can NOT stand music on random sites... it is usually lame and too loud. I all sites with music had an off button right near the top of the page! I did visit one page lately where the music was not only non-annoying but gave us an idea of a song to use on our video from China - Clay A's Love of my Life! It bring tears to my eyes every time I hear it because the love of my life is without a doubt sleeping a few feet way - and so is the other one.)

We still have a ton of things left to do to prepare for the holler-days. I mean Holidays. I have all this cooking to do and a few more gifties to get... I hate when I have a party and I don't have a gift for each person. The kids are done - but I need a few more things for the grown-ups. Also need to finalize the menu. DH asked what we were going to do to celebrate the Year of the Boar in February. OMG! Is he kidding me or what? Then I thought about it for a while and maybe we will do a LITTLE something - since it is so close to our Family Anniversary (the day we met/received/adopted our little bundle). I am going to figure things out but I know I will make a ton of dumplings to mark the occasion! Not even done with this party and the next one is staring me in the face - not to mention the large party we will have in March!

Our paperchase is going well. Papers of all kinds are flying all over the country. I love my agency - they are so nice!! A couple that we traveled with has also decided to join us in the pool and I believe we will both get DTC together again! Won't that beat everything! Two kids from the same exact part of the world... we are so lucky!

Decking the halls....

Well, this is what it is all about isn't it? We put the tree up last night whilst EFP was snug in her bed (sugar plums or not) and when she got up this morning.. there it was - only half lit! Yes, that is correct about 900 of the 1800 lights would not light! We knew they worked but for some reason the plug configuration was eluding us. We did finally figure it out with a little help from the answer line... and just about the time to lights were lighting the washer stopped washing! Ho Ho Ho. Anyway, EFP likes putting the ornaments on and she tells the kitties "NO!!" with pointy finger when they approach the tree. We have only unbreakable ornaments for the first 3 feet of tree - luckily I have a nice combination of handmade unbreakable and the like for the bottom and we have anchored the tree to the slider behind - so hopefully my priceless collection of crystal snowflakes will survive both cats and baby.

The chase is certainly on! I am surrounded by paper and I am feeling the pressure to be done. I feel much better this time though... not anxious or worried in any way - well, at least for the parts I can control! I am anxious that the various agencies we need to deal with (USCIS, SCPD, SBUMC, etc.) will do what they must in a timely fashion so that we are in a good position for March. What kind of hoot will it be that we are DTC (dossier to China) on March 11, 2007? Same day we were for EFP and now two years later - plus my Mom's birthday.

Well - I must get back to the reams of paper enjoy the festive pics!

We've done it now!

Uh Oh! What did we do? Well..... you are hearing it here first: We have started the paperchase for our second child! Officially! Woo Hoo! I guess.

This is not how I was hoping this would go actually - but those of you playing the home game, China released a set of new restrictions for adopting parents and they are quite different than those operating when we went for EFP. So first I cried, then I crunched, cried some more, crunched some more, decided I never really wanted to retire, cried and then I got in the Behemoth and went home. When I informed my poor unsuspecting DH of the changes... to his credit he didn't even blink, he just said "Well, I guess we better get cracking then huh?" Is it any wonder I love this guy?

Of course - our decision is NOT as sudden or panic induced as this sounds - we had been thinking about it, considering waiting children and well, there is the whole foster care certification so we have been talking about it for a bit. I had hoped to have a bit more time as I would like EFP to be a little older and an only for a bit longer before a second permanent child arrived. The new rules mean there will probably be a bunch of panicking paperchasers climbing out of the woodwork at this time. We plan to get our paperwork finished pretty quickly and since I still have some docs left over from last time I am feeling pretty good about this part. Our home study should go well and also pretty fast. I feel good about even the wait this time - since really we need it to be long in order to have our heads examined at length. No, seriously we need to save some money for the process and come to some other decisions about stuff - but we already know in our hearts that there is another child waiting for us in China. I think I have surpassed happy right into the delirious zone! But to be fair it will be a long wait and we still have a mountain of paperwork to get through. The best part of this whole thing - as I discovered tonight, but really already knew, is that I get to journey with friends. Every step of this road I will be accompanied by real friends - who are already sharing in our happiness and joy. Once again we join the ranks of the families in waiting and we are in great company!

It will be a few months before our paperwork is in and then we have an 18 to 24 months wait for our referral. I think that would have killed me the first time - but then when we started last time we expected a very short wait... not so much this time. I will be grateful for the time. I may even learn another thing or two about patience!

I wish I could say EFP was on board - she will be I am sure, but for now I can't even so much as LOOK at another baby or toddler without her protesting. Even her best little buddy J is not allowed to get hugs in front of EFP.

So here is my favorite little (well-circulated) anecdote about not exactly meaning to start another adoption!

Have you ever noticed that you hear all the time about "accidental" pregnancies, but never about couples who experience "accidental" adoptions?
Can you imagine:

Honey, sit down. I have some news for you.

What is it?

Well, I don't know how to say this, so I'll just come out with it. I went out to the mailbox today and ... well, we got an I-171H.

A what?!? An I-171H? As in, we're going to have a(nother) baby?!?

It looks that way.

But how? We've been so careful! I put away all the blank I-600A forms. Didn't you hide our home study update?

Of course I did. But don't forget, there was that one night...

What night? (pauses) Ohhh, that night. But it was only once. We were just messing around. I didn't print clearly. I didn't even use ink! (pauses again) But it was kind of fun.
(giggles)

It was, wasn't it? I'll never forget how cute you looked getting your fingerprints.

So now we've got our I-171H, eh? But that doesn't always mean you'll adopt, does it? I mean, shouldn't you see the agency or something, make sure every thing's okay?

I already did.

And?

I'm five documents along.

Five documents! And they're all notarized, certified and authenticated okay?

Just great. There was one small scare when the agency couldn't see the Notary's middle initial, but it showed up just fine under the magnifying glass.

Thank God. And you, honey? Are you feeling okay?

I'm feeling fine. As long as I know you're happy about this.

Happy? I'm thrilled! It's always a shock at first when something like this happens, but of course I'm happy.

Wish us luck and come along for the SECOND Adventure of a Lifetime!

Walking, Talking, Counting and Feeling Fine!

Or at least better... there will be daycare in our future - tomorrow even! It seems that our darling's many talents have expanded to include such magnificence as attempting a somersault, running at full speed, screaming the name of any old thing at all - at will, the return of tricky baby... she calls EVERYTHING DADDY (Mommy is not amused!) and can now count to 5 by herself. She is still reciting the alphabet and sometimes she gets past J all the way to P!! We truly have a brilliant baby.. eh?

She has developed a love of Oranges but, only when I peel it, pull apart the sections, de-pith it and bite it in half so she can get right to work on the inside. It's a tough job, but what's a Mommy to do? I am so relieved that she is finally, seemingly, on the mend and eating a bit. I tell you - a sick child is h#ll on earth. Really - I would rather be sick myself that have her sick at all. We had some really scary moments and it will be too soon the next time I hear her sneeze. I hope that her immune system is listening every time someone says to me that she will have perfect attendance once she is in school!

Have I mentioned her addiction to all things dippy? Yes, the new in thing here is sticking food in pools of something.. ketchup, mustard, gravy, applesauce, yogurt, hummus (!!??), both the garlic lovers and red pepper. EFP loves to have a little bowl of something and she understands the whole dipness factor - it is charming actually. Messy but charming. She also has been welcomed to the world of cheese and crackers - though she has not progressed beyond licking the cheese and discarding the crackers. I see in my future another little hors d'oeuvre lover like her big cousin Miss T. Can't wait till she eats spinach dip! LOL

I have also been caught defending myself as a 'real' mother more than once in the last few weeks - I suppose not me so much as all of us adopting parents. I am not sure why people feel they have a right to comment on other people's relationships, but they do. It also makes me wonder what they think about the nature of parent child relationship - do people believe they are so one-dimensional? Based on biology and nothing else? I suppose many people must - of course newborn are singularly dull (no offense to the newly born out there) so biology is all there is those first few months, well that and the exhausted haze that seems to lie over the abode of the new parents. I mean survival of the species demands that there be some reason to keep those little people safe and fed, right? Sure they are cute - also a survival mechanism - but what is there to like? So it stands to reason then that there is just the ONE reason - biological ties. I don't actually believe that there is only that - I am trying to figure out why people think that it is impossible to love a fully FORMED child vs a really really small one who sleeps, eats and poos on schedule . I mean MY child arrived with a personality AND the ability to stay awake for 5 - 7 whole hours at a time! She has been funny since day one, is very sweet and caring, sings and smiles in such a way as the Grinch himself would have to admit a bigger heart in her presence.

In fact it has become (painfully) obvious that it is possible to love a (or, dare I say, a few) children quite a bit - simply because they are. Naturally - I knew I would love EFP even from that first second I heard her name and saw her little face the first time. I mean we had waited so long and wanted this baby so much that we were primed (hmm.. a little like carrying something around for 9 months or so???) and ready - but it was so darn easy. Indeed, today I even went so far as to suggest that I love EFP better than I might have loved a bio child - since I feel so conflicted about my own genetics.... I suspect that it would be easier to be critical of a bio child (seeing your own flaws in a kid and all that) and to want to eradicate those tendencies that drive us crazy in ourselves. I think that in some ways it is possible to love the child as they are - I mean they come with their own innate personalities and we can take no credit for much of it. I mean - I will take full credit when she turns out to be an amazing adult etc. but it is fun trying to figure out what her talents will be - how she will turn the world upside down!

I don't think adoption is for everyone - really. I just knew it was for us and we couldn't be happier or more in love with who our daughter is and how she came to be in our family. I know that I can love any child the universe chooses to be ours (and some that are probably not) because every child deserves the love of a parent - born or adopted. I am thankful I am one of those who knows the importance of loving a child. Not just the ones related by genes.

One Year Ago Today.... (Part II of a Multipart Series)

EFP Referral Photo from 9/26/05

.............we FINALLY received the news that we had been waiting 272 days to to hear "We have a daughter!" At 12:50 pm I got the call from our agency with the first news of EFP. I actually knew the call was coming having spent the better part of the morning obsessively hitting the refresh button on my email - and having heard that one of the other families with our agency had posted their referral, I knew we couldn't be far behind. I actually burst into tears when I read the other referral and then went out into the main suite from my office and was crying to our office manager when the phone rang and we saw the caller ID - we both screamed "This is IT!" Everyone in my office was crying and screaming - should have thought to have Champagne ready for the occasion. The next thing I remember is sitting in my office waiting for the call to be transferred and I CAN NOT FIND A PEN!! Can you imagine? I carefully wrote the information down - crying the whole time. Was given the usual small amount of information: Chinese name, province, Name of the Social Welfare Institute, Height & Weight in kgs and date of birth. I was stunned. One of my collegues took a few pictures we all hugged - and I called my DH (really my sister because he was not at his desk the first time). And we celebrated briefly over the phone.

Here is the post from last year:

December 08
We have a Daughter!
Today at 12:50 pm our agency called with the news that our 9 month old daughter is waiting for us in the DuChang Children's Welfare Institution in JiangXi Province, PRC. We are so happy, excited, and in awe of the whole process! We went, in the space of a few minutes, from being just plain old happy married people to Mommy and Daddy. Our darling's face is still a mystery - we will see her picture next week in our agency's office after all the papers are translated... I am so excited!

We celebrated with dinner (we may actually BE the only people ever to ask for a bottle of Champagne at an Applebee's!) with our good friends who will be traveling at the same time to the same area in PRC to get their first child also! Our daughters are in the care of the same Children's Welfare Institution - AND they were born only one day apart! The girls are sure to be the best of friends! I can't think of a better way to celebrate an evening or better people to spend it with! More later - need to bask in the Mommy glow for a little while.

So now we know - my heart is in DuChang CWI in Jiangxi Province, PRC!

Things have changed - but for oh so the better! Can't post more - too exhausted. EFP has been extremely sick and we have been beside ourselves with worry. Being a Mom is both the best and worst of situations. I am happier than I ever thought possible - and worry more than I ever dreamed. We are both most grateful and humbled by the absolute gift of this amazing child. She is simply a dream come true - and the love of our lives!

Three years ago today...............

Me and my Mom - at my wedding 4/25/1998

............we (my sister, brother and I) lost our mother. It was unexpected in its suddenness and although we knew she was very sick - I think there is no way to really prepare for the demise of your parent. In our case - our only parent. I think she died as she had wished - at home, no doctors or hospital. She was at her computer probably talking to one of the tons of people she chatted with or played games with. One of her online buddies sent a note yesterday - I was touched. There were many who wrote to us three years ago, I saved all those notes - I wished then as I wish now that she could have felt about herself the way everyone else felt about her.

My Mom was a lot of things - perfect wasn't one of them. Smart, fun, kind, a great cook and generous to a fault. As a mom she was loving and could be somewhat wacky at times - sometimes on purpose and sometimes not. She had a great sense of humor and loved the ridiculous - and a good play on words. We could go back and forth at it for hours.. sometimes weeks during brief giggling phone calls back and forth each word getting more and more convoluted.

I suppose some of the things that I remember most are the things that set her apart from the mainstream - taking us crabbing off Babylon Municipal Docks at midnight in the summer heat, so once we got to see a real shark (dead!) that a famous shark hunter dragged into the dock but ultimately had to drag across the sound to be hauled up and weighed - 850 lbs of Tiger Shark! How many folks can say that? Packing us kids up with nets and flashlights (and pepper and egg sandwiches) and a cooler full of some cold drink - listening to the adults laughter and smelling the ocean or bay breeze. Having Mom wake us in the middle of the night to watch a really old movie - Like Raintree County with Elizabeth Taylor or Wuthering Heights with Merle Oberon and Lawrence Olivier. Letting us read whatever we wanted - Including Jaws when I was only 10 years old - way more scary than the movie and I didn't swim for quite a while. How SHE got a tattoo in rebellion when I was 17 - then showed it to anyone who cared to see (a butterfly on her shoulder, I was mortified!) and how impressed with herself she was for daring to do it. I could go on and on - but I won't.

Her incredible talent in making things.... she once created an entire Trousseau ( I only knew about Trousseau because of my love for Victorian romantic novels and was obsessed for a time with embroidering my own) for my Barbie - the one my sister and I shared- out of old curtains (ala Scarlett O'Hara - more on that in a bit) and it was so much nicer than anything one could purchase. How she took me to see Gone With the Wind only AFTER I had read the book - so I would know that the story was different and better in the book. Or how she painstakingly made a true southern belle ball gown, which included pantalettes and a hoop skirt, for a college costume party. Or how she never minded when we used that huge box of old curtains to play some silly make believe game - indeed she encouraged it. How she taught us to sew so we could make clothes for the doll and furnish her cardboard dream house with slip covered sanitary pads and canopy beds made from government cheese boxes. How I think to myself, looking at some doll clothes or craft pieces - as she must have, I could do that, and better! When it comes to craftiness we each inherited some piece of her fingers' magic. Each of us, in our own way, is incredibly creative and talented.

Or how she almost fell on the floor laughing on the day of my 10th birthday when I discovered the dog had managed to eat most of the birthday cake she had made for me while we were eating my birthday dinner. I did not think it funny at the time and was crying hysterically and she (and bro and sis) could not stop laughing - till finally I had to join them, it was pretty funny seeing the dog with all the icing on his face.

How she one time made a care package complete with cookies for my sister while she was away at college - big heart-shaped linzer tart kinds with heart cut outs - she packed them so carefully. I know she wished she could have done that (and more) all the time... but it was fun when she did get to do it.

There were so many crazy moments - the dog jumping out of the car on the Grand Central Parkway on the way to Nana's, the Llamas at the game farm, our first trip into NYC to see the lights at Christmas, the attacking swans at argyle lake, the four foot tall bunnies, the annual tree decorating (always forcing us to remember that in the early years she did it all by herself on Christmas eve - including wrapping all the gifts and slipping them under the tree) and her admonishments that the tinsel be set perfectly strand by strand, then waking us up by shaking the bells all in the mistaken belief that if she woke us up in the middle of the night - rather than have us wake her in the morning - she would get to sleep later. I don't know that that ever worked out quite the way she wished. Even with the scant presents we got we were always so excited - then there was the year she (stupidly) put Kazoos in all our stockings............ or the year I got puzzle glue but no puzzle. I suppose my brother always managed to come up with some funny way of celebrating.. a smelly boot or a gift hidden in the tree branches. Mom always loved a good gift joke that way. Her desire to make people happy - at least in the way she thought she would make them happy - caused her to stress about it in the worst way, so she never really understood how much happiness she did give. Every Christmas we made Ravioli - hundreds of them. I don't think that I have ever eaten a meal that filled us up as much as her Ravioli. She was capable of so many things - such great acts of love.

I know in every mother's life there are a million moments that are special to her children- I also know that the picture of my Mom is so much more than I can paint. I loved her very much - and I know in my heart that she loved us all. I think she would be proud of all of us and how we are making our way in life - I know she would adore EFP and be proud of our little family just as I know that she adored my sister and her family and as much as she complained about the distance between us, it was only because she wanted to be there everyday with those two amazing children. I know also that she would be pleased that our brother also seems to have found a sense of family and some happiness with his wife and two children.

She had known a great many people, helped some of them in their hard times but hardly anyone really knew her. I know that there are people who miss her - maybe not as much as we do - but miss her a great deal. I wish there was a way I could make her clear to people - clearer even to me. I miss being able to talk with her.... knowing that whatever I said she would be on my side and offer what comfort she had. Tonight I sent DH to the store and had him get a chicken which I turned into soup... at first I thought it was simply because I have been so sick and EFP likewise and that the soup would make us both feel better. I guess I wasn't thinking then (baby really sick and screeching, battling a migraine, gone without sleep for days on end and feeling like I have been run over by a mack truck) that it was because of today's importance. Of course it was. Whenever I was feeling bad (physically or emotionally) my Mom would show up with a pot of chicken soup - if you were my DH she would show up with eggplant (hmmrph!) and all would be well again for a little while.


This isn't the kind of tribute I wish for her - I don't know if I am the right person to do that. I am her first born, therefore the least objective, though it seems right to try. I wish to remember her from when I was really little - in that way that children have of looking up at their parents - we were sitting under a Japanese Maple Tree and it was afternoon... I thought she was so very pretty and smart. What child doesn't think that about their mom? I think it is also the time of year... for me November is a time to reflect and then we head into the holiday season. This year more than ever I feel the weight of my immense gratitude for all I have and yet the unbearable loss - how the one person I most would want to share this with is both the person that made it possible and the person who will never share in my joy.

I can't say all that is in my heart tonight. I am sad - I miss her most when I have questions about being a Mom or when I have some triumph to share about my amazing child. She wouldn't have appreciated my giving EFP a form of her name - but the threads that connect us - red or otherwise - are so long and tangled, and I still feel so connected to her - call them the ties that bind or the fabric of family, or whatever, but I feel my Mom very close to me this evening and I hope she is proud, knows how well we loved her and finally has some peace.

RVK - March 11, 1942 - December 5, 2003

It's the most wonderful time of the year.........+

Still down for the count - don't let the photos fool ya. Some Empress was up all night teething (and a fever - cuz that's just the way it goes!) I am on the indeterminate list for tomorrow... that is I am still not feeling great and now EFP might have a fever too high to send to care. GREAT! We'll see in the AM. In the meantime here are a few stunning pix of our family!

So they call this peppermint, eh? Well, I like it. I really like it!

Baby - I love the Beads!

and now for your viewing pleasure

This is my amazing niece Miss T! In a one-of-a-kind handmade Irish Step Dancing Solo Costume - designed and handmade by: None other than MY SISSY! I am so proud of them both! Miss T took several awards for team competitions and will be killer next year in the solos!! This is my sister's first solo dress - perfection! YOU GO WOMENS!


It's the White House - Do I really have to take this call? I mean I am wearing Mardi Gras beads after all!

The Empress chooses her colors carefully and prepares her work surface.

The Empress colors

These images are from this week. I am not posting at the moment I am battling yet another URI and sinusitis. But I can't take the hate mail that there are no new pictures. So here they are! Enjoy and we will be back to our regularly scheduled programming any day now.