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Here are some pics of my cutie pie - while you think it over.

Future American Idol, perhaps?

And, How do I get to Carnegie Hall again?

Mother's Day Study in Green

There is only one cute baby in the universe

and every mother has that baby. - Chinese proverb

Except of course that I really do. It has been an typical week I am still recovering from my illness and yesterday the Empress decided to puke on me (AFTER I got dressed for work) not once, not twice, but three freakin times!! And yes - there was just enough time between that I got cleaned and redressed three times before I realized she was actually sick and there would be no work or daycare. Turns out she has a mild ear infection and the crabbiness was due to the fever. GREAT! Then tonight I came home and my kissy face baby - planted kisses all over my face! I would say this is what it is really all about. She is feeling better - though her "ear ouches" which believe it or not is how I figured out she actually had an ear infection - she TOLD me!! Is this kid the smartest most adorable kid or what?

Morning becomes her..........

This is what I have been doing every morning for the past 1 year, 1 month and 23 days - getting the Empress dressed and ready to face the day! Only now we have the added fun of a baby girl who realizes her position (center of the universe) in this family and has decided "Mommy! CHEEEEEEZZZE!!" Or "Take my picture Mommy!" So I have been taking her picture every morning after her toillette and she very carefully poses for me... I have stop myself from cracking up (I don't usually make it!) because then she starts cracking up and it gets extremely silly! I just thought you guys have been very patient.... here is your reward!! And there is more to come - so stay tuned! These are from Monday, April 23, 2007.

Let me not to the marriage of true minds....

.....Admit impediments. Love is not love
Which alters when it alteration finds,
Or bends with the remover to remove:
O no! it is an ever-fixed mark
That looks on tempests and is never shaken;
It is the star to every wandering bark,
Whose worth's unknown, although his height be taken.
Love's not Time's fool, though rosy lips and cheeks
Within his bending sickle's compass come:
Love alters not with his brief hours and weeks,
But bears it out even to the edge of doom.
If this be error and upon me proved,
I never writ, nor no man ever loved.
-- William Shakespeare

With these moving words, even prettier music, all our friends and family in the most beautiful of settings my love and I were married this day nine years ago! In that time- time's fool has wrought some definite changes and yet, my love is not shaken. I suppose having been through as much as we have together and separately - we will not be shaken nor removed nor bent! I may not say it enough - though I think it constantly - my life would not be what it is without my partner, my friend and the love of my life. It is easy to love - but hard to be married, harder still when there are children, jobs, families all wanting time and attention. It can be hard to remember all the little things - like I still smile broadly when my LH (Loving Husband) sends flowers to my office!! (I think HE knows this cuz look what he sent today!!) or remembers some silly thing and makes sure it happens.

We may be parents - and tired alot of the time, but we are still best of friends and there is no one else I could imagine having shared this much of my life with so happily. In marrying my LH I got the best of the bargain for sure - for I married into a family of amazing people who I love and who love us back! I married someone who will always make sure my coffee is waiting and my lunch made.. even if the only thing in the house is a chicken wing - I will have a sandwich!

I married someone who when I said I needed to be a mother and I thought our child was in China - said "How soon do we travel" in spite of what it cost us and all the uncertainty. This is also the person who, not so long ago, responded to my teary-eyed observation that the new rules would mean no going back to China for another amazing child - with "We better get the paperwork in before that happens then!" Can you understand why I love my big clumsy guy?

This guy puts his family first before anything or anyone and that is why nine years ago - the day I said "I DO!" I meant it and I have not regretted it for a second anytime since.

Happy 9th Anniversary Me Honey!

Ribbit Ribbit

The Empress at play in the fields of the living room.

Yes, that is a frog voice - that is, that is what I sound like!! Somehow it started Friday and has only gotten worse since. I have no voice whatsoever... now before anyone starts jumping for joy - or alerting the media.. I am fairly certain this is temporary and related to a whopper of another bout with chronic sinusitis. REALLY annoying. I have not been able to speak much more than a whisper. EFP thinks it is funny - but has been sad that I can not manage her special song... she sings it for me though - which is actually better. Only a child could think I sing well anyway!

So as I croak along.. it remains to be seen how long this bout will last!!

Lingering on sadness....

I was trying so hard not to do this. Not to have to pour out the grief here. It has been a sad week for all of us - but especially for students. I can hardly believe it has happened. All across college and university campuses everywhere = administrators are trying to figure out how to prevent this horror, students are trying NOT to picture themselves in the same situation and parents are sleeping less. There is something that may not be 100% evident to those not lucky enough to work with college students - it is easy to love them. I love teaching my students... having them traipse in and out of my office with their problems, dilemmas and other queries more mundane (will that be on the final?). I love them though - how can one not? They are adults in the making full of suppositions and opinions and eagerly looking forward to the day we constantly tell them to put off for as long as possible. College is the last good time, right? Only not this week. Not for those Virginia kids or any of us who can comprehend that yet another space has been violated. 32 Innocent souls and one poor troubled young man. How do we account for that?

I have been inexplicably mired in sadness - more so than I would normally be. Ah, just another one of the perks of being a mom. In those kids - I see my own child. Do I start praying now - that I will continue to feel that I can allow her the freedom to go "away" to college if she wishes? Will this be one of the reasons I provide for why that is not a good idea? Will I think on the tears of the parents who can never argue with or see their baby again when I schedule our college tours? Can I overcome the fear to let her go where she feels she should go... or will these hours color my decision.

It is all so sad. I feel somehow we are responsible for this crazy world we have forced our young people to deal with. That some great oversight on our part has led to this horribly altered world where something as simple as taking a class can be ended tragically. So many will think they understand or can blame - but just like all parents colleges also have to balance protection with freedoms, concern with safety. Our students are adults - and deserve the respect and autonomy that they have earned - but they are still our children and they deserve our caring.

I do hope that the families and friends of those who are effected by this terrible ordeal will know that there are people all over the world who are thinking of them, praying for them and wishing them some solace in this cruel event. Hokies - you have my deepest sympathies.

Find out how you can help!

Win the fight against Lupus. Join me and other concerned families as we participate in the Walk to Cure Lupus We hope to raise awareness and the funds to aid in the research for an end to this debilitating disease. One of our own FCC LI families is dealing with this right now and so we come together to do what we can to help! Please consider helping in some way - no matter how small. Thanks a bunch!

MY Amazing Sister!

Made this amazing Irish Step Dancing Solo Dress for an American Girl doll to be raffled off to support the Drumcliffe School of Irish Dance - Binghamton Travel Fund where my exceptionally talented niece is in training. The raffle will raise money to send the dancers who qualify to the world competition in Ireland.

Can you believe that this is a on-of-a-kind handmade? I think it is gorgeous makes me want to strap on some gillies and get hoofing! So I am giving you a link to my sister if you want more information, would like to place an order for your AG doll loving girl or whatever! My sister is also making solo dresses for real girls! A while ago I posted a picture of the dress she made for my neice - it is truly beautiful a real work of art. As is my niece - who is also a work of art homemade by my sister (well and her DH) and even prettier than the dress! I would love for any of my Irish Dance enthusiasts to give a shout out to my sister and compliment her hard work! I love ya sis!

Post Rabbit Bliss

Welcome Caroline Grace - 8 lbs 14 oz 4/5/07 at 9:54 AM!! Our newest family member and EFP's Cousin.

We had a very quiet holiday weekend. EFP and I were both recovering from the mysterious illness that had us both coughing and choking and in general being miserable. She is still coughing and I am still sick - but we are both on the mend on some level. Since no one was available due in part to aforementioned welcome arrival we decided to skip Easter entirely. It was actually not so bad, though at the last minute I was missing roasted Lamb and Potatos I did not miss the mess or anything else. I also missed our family company - but again we were so under the weather that I really didn't mind being home all day. I started work on another blanket at EFP's request since she was rather upset that the one I have just completed was not for her. :-(

EFP also decided she wanted a purple one - which is ironic since my very first blanket was purple and was originally for her but went to a different baby since our wait was so long and unpredictable. An identical blanket actually got misdirected/taken by the postal service on route to China for a friend. I still have to replace that blanket but as usual I am behind in maki g blankets so I don't know when I will finish up and get back to that one. Too bad it is impossible to knit two at the same time...

I am back at work after travel and sick time... still feel kinda yucky but I have so much to do I really needed to get back into the office. Feeling bad also for the waiting families out there - the news never seems to be good these days. Apparently - only two days of LIDs recieved referrals in this latest batch. At that rate it really will be three years for us. I am REALLY ok with it.. but I know there are some broken hearted and despairing parents. I wish they could know what I know... I was SO one of them while we were waiting and our wait lengthened. I was angry, disbelieving, anxious, afraid and despairing of ever becoming a mother - on this side of things I still can remember how it felt but the fact is that just as all those who went before me had said it really does become a faded memory after you are home and living life with a child. I know that the benefit of adopting again after the first is the feeling of (somewhat) certainlity that this road will end with a child and that the happiness will allow us to separate the bad feelings from the good. I feel this journey in such a different way than it was the first time. I still feel bad for those waiting families and wish they could believe it will all be ok in time. Perhaps the most valuable lesson for me was that patience really is it's own reward. Perhaps I am able to be more patient this time... for EFP's sake and that of our second child, I sincerely hope so!!

WAAAAHHH!!!

I am writing tonight from my hotel room in Austin Texas. I miss my little one so much it is a physical ache. Who knew this would happen? She and her daddy are doing great - so far she asks for me but is able to be distracted. Daycare says she is doing great - had a little melt down when another Mommy arrived and I guess she realized that I had not dropped her off.. it is so hard to be so far away!

I heard a speaker today who introduced herself by saying she had 7 children!! And oddly everyone clapped for her.. me loudest of all because I have one and it is hard to manage being a professional and Mom. She has a successful career and apparently 7 wonderful children and 2 granchildren. Mom is definitely the harder job. In some ways my feminist side says... why do they have to mention the children when presenting a professional women do they routinely do that when introducing impressive men? No - but then I realize that it is a major accomplishment to have both and we all know that many Moms who work do the lion's share of the child and home care so it takes a really amazing woman to do it well and succeed at either. Someday I hope someone introduces me and remembers that I am a Mom... as well as a professional.

But I can't write more - I miss my baby too much. Can not wait to get home and see her little face - give her big hugs. I hope she is not like the cats who prefer to just ignore me when I get home from a trip of this length. Tomorrow I will have a break so I can get a little shopping in.. the shop here at the Hyatt has a ton of Hello K*tty things so I may dive into that. I am trying not to succumb to whatever it is that is kicking me - I skipped the entertainment this evening so I could rest up a bit. What a whimp. But I do not want to get home to just collaps in a heap!!
So that is all the news.. continue to enjoy the pics til I can post some more - I am hoping for some first real haircut pics soon!!

The cutest 2 year old in the universe!

More Birthday Weekend Pics

Weird new obsession with babuschkas!


EFP discovers it is fun to ride around chaos!

Playing inside a big house at the party place!

Happy Birthday EFP & DTC!!!!!!

EFP Claps to the birthday song - sung in her honor!

Cupcakes are a big hit!

YUM! Frosting!

If you look closely you will see that EFP is munching on Calamari - no joke this kid can eat!!

Happy Birthday in Italian - La Dulce Vita!

Sorry this is a little late - the hoopla has taken over and we are so busy trying to figure out how to celebrate TWO such momentous occasions - we were late in posting!

So - without further ado - pics from the Imperial Birthday Celebration - parts I and II. First a little party at daycare and then a family celebration at EFP's favorite bite out - Carraba's. We were also celebrating the Official Launching of Baby Project 2! We are DTC 3/23 with our dear friends again and we should hear something any 2 or 3 years now... seriously the wait is incredibly long! Which is ok with us... so don't expect any updates or more news.. there will be none - until there is!

The birthday went fine - we also attended the party of EFP's good friend and she had a blast. But I digress - let the pics speak for themselves.. enjoy and yes Sissy I am sorry I made you wait!!!

EFP's pox

Yes - it's true. My baby has the pox. As you can see it is quite serious as the poxes are very large. All of a sudden they started appearing on her face. I grew concerned because she has not been feeling well all week. She was kept home on Friday because she manifested a fever, runny nose, and bad cough - but I never dreamed it would come to this!

She got a hold of the stickers and now it is sticker pox every day. Yesterday is was smileys and today it was butterflies. I get the pox, daddy gets the pox and of course EFP gets the pox on her hands, arms and face. Tonight - she was done with dinner way before we were so we kept her busy with more stickers. We are braving our way through both the cold of the day and the terrible twos. And they are terrible. Every thing is "No! NO! NOOOOOO!" or "MINE!" but it doesn't usually last long and we are able to distract her. Time outs have begun in earnest. I don't like it - but I don't want to raise a child who knows no limits. Most of the time she is sweet and very very funny. She says tons of new words everyday and understands more and more. I suppose that is what the tantrums are about - know what she wants and not quite being able to either get it herself or convince mommy or daddy to get it for her. Like cookies for breakfast...

Other than that - we are hanging tight here. DH did not have to work today so we kept quiet here since it was not a good idea to go out with her sick and the roads unpredictable. I have been getting the photos ready to send with our paperwork - we are in the last stretch for our second adoption. Our dossier is at our agency and but for the photo complete - we should be DTC as planned on Friday 3/23. I am glad it is nearly over and will breathe a big sigh of relief when we are LID and finally in line for another child. This adoption is very different from our first - not that we are not every bit as delighted and happy, just that the anxiousness is removed and assuming we are indeed LID before the May 1 deadline, our chances are excellent for adding another amazing child are good. We think our next child will be a girl - though we have specified either gender as being fine and we did not request as young as possible - we asked for healthy one to three years - we did not request twins this time!

We are getting ready to celebrate EFP's 2nd birthday on Tuesday. Cupcakes and goodie bags for daycare and a quiet family party next weekend. We have decided to forgo the kiddie party for this year. I don't think she will mind - though she does seem to love a party - but I honestly can not see myself doing this for 2 yos. I think I will wait till she is older. We do still have to have some sort of baptism and party at some point... but chasing 2 yos around some loud place is just not my idea of a good time. But I digress. Still don't know what she is getting for the big 2 - but I think it might be a slide or kitchen or something like that. Those are her favorites at daycare and it would be nice to have something big for her to play with. We'll see I guess. All in all a busy week is ahead and then a trip.

Yup - Mommy has to leave town again for a few days... I will be more upset than she I think, but I do think there is some value in having her understand that although occasionally I leave - I ALWAYS come back (with a little T shirt) from wherever I have been. It is a little disconcerting to leave my baby - but I know she will be fine with DH and although he will have to adjust his routine a little it will keep hers the same and all should be fine for the 4 days I will be gone. I guess - I hope.

In like a lion - out like a Pig!!

Gong Xi Fa Cai! Happy New Year and Welcome Year of the Pig - FCC Style! We had a fabulous day Sunday welcoming in the Year of the Pig (or boar) and although I didn't get to sit much - enjoyed watching so many families celebrate their good fortune in becoming part of this community! What exuberance and joviality! I didn't get to take a lot of pictures but here is the jist of a highlight or two! Oh, and I won two raffles one for me and more for EFP... though technically I suppose they are really both for her! One was a generous gift cert for the Amazing Lori & Veronica's A family's Heart and the other an adorable stuffed "Neigh Neigh" for EFP. We saw bunches of friends.. again didn't get to hang much but it was nice seeing everyone for sure. We were ALL totally blown away by the Lion Dancers headed by some of Stony Brook University's students and our volunteers from the same - were just super!! All in all a very good day!

Last year at this time - we missed the party because we were in China and so did not get a chance to be part of the party. Well - this year certainly made up for it! We adored seeing our darling absolutely delighted with the Lion and not the least afraid of the loud drums.. and well we know my baby can eat and boy did she!! Noodles AND dumplings!! I can only hope that 4074/4075 will be as good to us as 4073/4074 were! Zai Jian!

Total Eclipse..... (Last in the Series)

First Total Lunar Eclipse in Three Years
March 3, 2007

And you thought I was talking about how my EFP totally eclipsed our life!!!??? Well - yes! One year ago today we returned home with our 19.5lb Spicy Girl from JiangXi! Never have I been so happy to be home as I was this time last year. I was sad to leave China but really happy to get home to my creature comforts and begin the process of becoming a family of three. It didn't happy right away - we had jet lag and sleep issues to get over but it DID happen. And this whole year has flown by so quickly. Tonight I had to open the suitcase that we purchased in GuangZhou to get one of the Chinese outfits we purchased for EFP to wear tomorrow at the big FCC-LI Chinese Lunar New Year celebration and it brought back such memories - just looking at the items. I did not buy enough. Thank goodness we are going back (some time in the next 3 years) so I can buy all the stuff I did not buy last time. More pearls, more jade, more clothes, more more. Less squeaky shoes! They really are annoying after a few hours!

Seriously - EFP is amazing, more each day. She is my heart's darling and such a fun little girl. She sings all the time, shaping up to be a great dancer and already has a fabulous sense of humor. Aside from being incredibly sweet and all, she really is charmer.

I can't write more - have to be up pre-crack o'dawn. More later with pics!

Big Decision

Well - we have decided to just wait wait wait. We had thought, indeed we had already discussed, that our next child would be a Waiting Child (WC) or Special Needs Child (SN) from China. Our agency's list came out and we did see two children we felt we would love to have as our family - but a small nagging little voice kept saying... it is too soon to add a child to our family. Even at one year (the possible time line for a WC) I just don't feel that EFP is ready to be a sibling to a big or a little. I know that kids get sibs sometimes within a year or two - but she is just really at the point where she accepts us totally and completely as her family. We are, on some level, the only parents she knows or remembers at this time. I can't imagine - given her propensity to cling and be really needy at times - how she would react with a child who needed my attention and invaded her space to some extent.

I am saddened on another level because I really like the idea of parenting a WC/SN who may not otherwise have a chance at a family. But I keep trying to remember that the timeline is not of my making - I was rushed to make the leap again and honestly at times I feel all the weight of this decision on our life, pocketbook and heart. While I know that we very much want a second child and I know there will be room (in our hearts and home) for a second - at this moment I truly feel that EFP needs all our attention and love just for herself for a while longer and I need more experience as a Mom before I can do this again.

There is so much about being a Mom that you just can't know until it happens - no way to prepare for the way your whole body reacts when the phone rings and it's the daycare calling. Or when you hear something unusual and in your mind your child is in some dire straits that you can only barely imagine. I don't know that this ever goes away - though I hear that at some point you do get to sleep through the night without interruptions by night terrors or erupting molars/canines! In short I am just not ready to contemplate another child. Of course I have also had my heart broken recently over a child and so it may be that I need to have some time to deal with how that has effected my willingness to embrace another child. I know that 2 years (maybe three!) will allow us the time we need to resolve some of this and be those anxiously waiting parents we have in us!! We really felt that this new list would be our last chance - as our agency will not allow us to switch after our Dossier has been logged in for six months. I have to say there were quite a few children who we would have liked to wait for.. and I already know that both of them are being considered by more than one family so they will be united with forever families!!

So with that in mind we are preparing to be DTC early in March and wait the long wait... I am thinking that we may not see a referral until early in 2010! Can you imagine? But if things continue at the present pace of 1/2 a month of Dossiers being referred each month - well I can (and do!) do the math and that is when our referral should arrive. Another plus is that my darling would be nearly ready for Kindergarten by 2010 and so we will reduce the number of months that we will have two in daycare - yay! So here's to the long wait and keeping our minds off of it!

This just in!!!

Our 171H will arrive Shortly! Probably Monday or Tuesday! Woo Hoo!! I would snoopy dance - but I will save that for the actual arrival!!! I spoke with USCIS this morning during the allotted call-in period and that is what I was told by the very kind person who answered. I even was grated a return call when the answer turned out not the be that simple!

Our dossier is being certified and authenticated as we speak and now we wait for this one piece of paper and then it is DTC baby!! :-)

One Year Ago Today.... (Part III of a Multipart Series)

First site of EFP with Nanny

EFP is our baby!

February 20, 2007 - One year to the day!
Happy Forever Family Day my Little Love!!

One BIG year ago today – the center of my universe changed. I went from being consumed by the adoption of a child to the MOTHER of THIS CHILD! It was and is the best day of my life save, perhaps, the day I married my DH. In true Snoopy fashion here goes!

It was a dark and stormy day.. No, it really was. The weather was terrible in NanChang the provincial capital of JiangXi in the People’s Republic of China. But we braved the vertical rain and 30 degree weather to reach the Civil Affairs Office for our first site of EFP. Suddenly – there she was sitting in the lap of one of the Nannies. She looked exactly the same as her referral picture and so healthy – rosy cheeks (from the 10 layers of clothes she was wearing) and bright eyes. I recognized her immediately and started to cry – when I realized I should not cry I should take pictures. I did.

I can’t really describe the moment when they called our name and after checking our passports, handed our baby to us. OUR BABY! After all those months and months of agonizing doubt and self criticism. Feeling guilty for past mistakes or different choices and what did it matter in that moment – not a bit. EFP looked up at me, patted my face, smiled and then pushed her 19.5 lbs self onto me and snuggled right. I wanted to kiss and hug her…run away from the office and have her all to myself to tell her all the things I had saved up to tell my daughter.... but I settled for dangling the (magic!) plastic keys in front of her and she busied herself ripping my name tag to shreds. We were quickly all holding babies and cameras and juggling things mightily when it was time to get back on the bus again. I think we had returned to our hotel room and then went for lunch where I FINALLY got to feed a baby (MY BABY!) a meal of sorts. Back in our room I uncovered her many layers a little at a time to expose one limb at a time and checked her all out. Perfect right down to the large blue spot on her upper buttock! It was not long before we were hanging and laughing with our silly baby and it was clear that she was fine with us. We returned to the Civil Affairs office and completed the paperwork and just like that (HA!) we were parents to one beautiful healthy happy baby girl!

These last 12 months have been incredible. How do you explain such an utter transformation? I can only say that all the months of being tired, anxious, afraid and sort of being dazed, I am happy to say not only do I still think that we got the best baby ever – I know we did! I know that we have never regretted for one second our decision to adopt from China and that February 20th is my favorite day – because it is the day I was made into EFP’s Mommy. Every day I wake up thankful that this day came and today I am especially grateful that she is my daughter. We spent this last weekend with our travel group and I suspect that similar thoughts are racing through those parents’ heads as well. We are all convinced we were somehow given the best baby. (But I really was!) We are all who we are today because sometime ago we made the decision to take a leap of faith and put our hopes and dreams into the hands of some civil servants in a far away land. Thank you – whoever you all are. Thank you! We are so blessed by this little girl and her little China-Cousins. My heart is just overflowing with love for my family and for our friends all around us celebrating our families.

One year ago – my entire universe changed and now a nearly two-year old baby girl rules my heart and my home. Thank God!